Talking to my angry girlfriend is the hardest debugging process.
I can't even find out what went wrong

I have been getting a lot of angry glances in meetings since my latest laptop sticker :D

Customer: IT is completely useless! I’m getting PORN ADS on my work computer!? This is ridiculous!!!

Friend: Oh that’s not good, perhaps your computer has a virus of some sort let me take a look!

Friend takes a look and sees that the porn ads were all provided by google ad service, they weren’t related to a virus.

Friend: so, you don’t have a virus, but so that you know google gathers metrics on the sites you visit so that it can target ads at you better. Looks like that’s what’s happening here.

Customer: .............

Father bought a PC in 1997. Back then very few had it. I learned doing things like accessing the internet and sending emails, among others. I remember having added age on websites to be allowed to sign up at times :P My sisters used to play games on it sometimes. The first few ones we had were Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation, Tomb Raider Chronicles, American McGee's Alice(Which caused us to upgrade the PC xD)... And some others.

I have a memory of this pseudo-3D-looking game where you move in a maze and try answering questions. I want to remember its name, but I cannot :(

We literally have video evidence of me liking the computer as a child, yet my parents either say I'm addicted or deny I've ever liked it before. Not only that, but continuously limiting my time with the PC hasn't been a literal obstacle in my way of trying to do things in their opinion. Funny how my parents think the last few years I've been my worst when they've hurt me in those years so much that our relationship is guaranteed not working out. There were doubts in my head before, but now it's cemented and there is no way of going back. Father, for example, tells me it's too late to do anything with a PC now(As well as how I've been unable to use the PC. He looks at these pro players' footage in some TV show and he's like, „You've been unable to use your hobbies“, as if they have never ever screamed at me for perceived gaming and not actually cared to check), and I need to look for a „real“ job.

Sorry. I went to bed at 2:00 in the morning. Feel like a zombie because of ongoing weirdly insufficient sleep, even though I sleep kinda more than normal. Even when I took Melatonine for that it didn't help at all.

Childhood was where beating began. I was about 6/7. Right when I entered school. The first school that I attended was a private one and supposedly for „Wunderkinds“, while in reality I haven't seen a SINGLE teacher or psychologist approve of it, their argument being that children were basically drowned in work that wasn't age-appropriate(I don't mean anything bad. Just that teaching about Galaxies and all in first grade isn't the brightest idea). There was always a mountain of homework to do and as opposed to some other countries, we had to do it on a day to day basis. We didn't have a week-long deadline. I was predictably not keeping up with it as I could have, had it been a normal amount, so my parents decided I didn't want to study and began their methods of getting me to „study“. I have yet to see a person able to keep up with that school's tempo, no matter the age.

This place was also where I got bullied. I felt I had nowhere to be: At home, the parents' situation, at school, the bully. I never really went outside to play with other children, so I missed that part of childhood.

After the second year of school I was transferred to an advanced German school, called like that because they taught German and not English there. I also got to learn a bit of Russian before they removed it from school. In that period I used to attend ballet. But for less than a year. And piano, which I remember having attended for quite a long while, some years, if my memory isn't fried. I quit it because of it having been forced on me. Last piece I ever played fully was Beethoven's Marmotte.

In this school I was once again the outcast of the class. I had some people to interact with. All of those interactions lasted a few years at most. Then, because of a part of my class choosing me as a laughing-stock N2 and another girl as the N1, I found my best friend, who I still have today. She's the only friend I have nearby.

Most of the time I hated myself. Even today I struggle with that sometimes.

After that came university. This us where I got something like a friend circle at last. But it still didn't last. I got in a relationship with one of the guys, but I was just attracted. There was another I couldn't dare getting close to. Turns out he also had something for me. Then he disappeared from our lives and a year after, I still cannot forget the person. If I want to, I have to deprive myself of my own personality. Not a thing I'm willing to give up. Then I broke up with the guy I was in a relationship with and completely disappeared from the friendship circle. To be honest, I had reasons to. They refused to even try to look for the guy and they called him a friend for years. Sometimes parents hitting me can occur even today, but if I REALLY piss them off.

Now I'm here and oh, my God, I'm officially am aunt now! My sister gave birth to a daughter this morning... She's in Berlin with mother and both she and the child are doing great. I just hope she manages to be a good mother.

I made a web app and a mobile app for a client two months ago. Yesterday I shut down the server because I wasn't paid yet despite my multiple warnings and reminders.

Under thirty minutes the money was in my bank account.

Sad thing is they weren't responding to me, ignoring or lullabying me with good cop bad cop acts, acting like friends etc...

Lowering my bar to people / agencies like this depresses me.

Btw they are my former agency, they have all the money in the world but turns out they are all jackasses after all...

Always

I found a bug in my sleep...what has programming done to me !?

Got my new workstation.
Isn't it a beauty?

Rocking a Pentium II 366 MHz processor.
6 GB HDD.
64 MB SDRAM.
1 minute of battery life.
Resolution up to SXGA (1280x1024)
Removable CD-Rom drive.
1 USB port (we like to use dongles, right?)

Also it has state of the art security:
- No webcam
- No Mic
- Removable WiFi
- I forgot the password

And best of all:
It as a nipple to play with!!

"Oh, you're a developer? Then you cannot fix my PC", said no relative ever.

I am putting this on my desk right now...

Person: *glances at my grades*

Me: Here we go again.

Person: I thought you were smart. How did you manage to get a C?!

It was a C (programming language) quiz. 🙄

Anyone ever used this excuse?

Me: *Playing around with bash on Windows*

Friend: Can you hack my Facebook account?

Me: I already did...

*moments of awkward silence*

I told my team I was going to add this to our style guide

My gf was a QA. I told her to read my last devrant story about our colleague from the previous company.

Her response was "you misspelled 'taught' twice".

😢

While working from home, my wife overlooked my work Slack chat.

She saw me typing "can you ssh?" and told me "that's a bit rude".

She understood it as "can you shush?".

My family knows me so well.

#AWebDevChristmas

[This makes me sound really bad at first, please read the whole thing]

Back when I first started freelancing I worked for a client who ran a game server hosting company. My job was to improve their system for updating game servers. This was one of my first clients and I didn't dare to question the fact that he was getting me to work on the production environment as they didn't have a development one setup. I came to regret that decision when out of no where during the first test, files just start deleting. I panicked as one would and tried to stop the webserver it was running on but oh no, he hasn't given me access to any of that. I thought well shit, I might as well see where I fucked up since it was midnight for him and I wasn't able to get a hold of him. I looked at every single line hundreds of times trying to see why it would have started deleting files. I found no cause. Exhausted, (This was 6am by this point) I pretty much passed out. I woke up around 5 hours later with my face on my keyboard (I know you've all done that) only to see a good 30 messages from the client screaming at me. It turns out that during that time every single client's game server had been deleted. Before responding and begging for forgiveness, I decided to take another crack at finding the root of the problem. It wasn't my fault. I had found the cause! It turns out a previous programmer had a script that would run "rm -rf" + (insert file name here) on the old server files, only he had fucked up the line and it would run "rm -rf /". I have never felt more relieved in my life. This script had been disabled by the original programmer but the client had set it to run again so that I could remake the system. Now, I was never told about this specific script as it was for a game they didn't host anymore.
I realise this is getting very long so I'll speed it up a bit.
He didn't want to take the blame and said I added the code and it was all my fault. He told me I could be on live chat support for 3 months at his company or pay $10,000. Out of all of this I had at least made sure to document what I was doing and backup every single file before I touched them which managed to save my ass when it came to him threatening legal action. I showed him my proof which resulted in him trying to guilt trip me to work for him for free as he had lost about 80% of his clients. By this point I had been abused constantly for 4 weeks by this son of a bitch. As I was underage he had said that if we went to court he'd take my parents house and make them live on the street. So how does one respond? A simple "Fuck off you cunt" and a block.

That was over 8 years ago and I haven't heard from him since.

If you've made it this far, congrats, you deserve a cookie!

Teaching my girlfriend how to program 😊☺️

Yesterday's (scheduled and adhoc) meetings:
10:30-11:00
11:00-11:30
12:30-1:30 (adhoc)
1:30-2:30
4:30-5:00
6:00-6:20 (adhoc)

Today's (scheduled) meetings:
9:30-10:00
11:00-12:00
12:30-1:15
1:30-2:30

Tomorrow's meetings include a 1:1 with my boss who will invariably ask why I'm not done on this "should take a week" project that I've had for a week, despite that he just unblocked me on yesterday morning, and I've had nothing but meetings since...

Fucking hell.
They fill my day with shit spaced out just enough to waste practically my entire freaking day so I can't get anything done, conveniently forget this, and then have the audacity to yell at me for not finishing my tickets. Of course I didn't finish! You all were too busy blabbing at me every day for the past fucking week! (Oh, and do they listen if I have something to say? Of course they fucking don't.)

Also, as a secondary rant, the product douchebag files tickets (usually complex as hell tickets worded to appear trivial) with enough missing information to make missing large sections of them easy. If I ask him for clarification, he tells me to read the ticket, and if I insist, he gets all exasperated and quickly zooms through the site faster than I can follow, shows maybe half of what's in the ticket, and asks why I don't know how to do any of this yet. After I finish his shit ticket (and true to his douchebag nature) he blames me for missing several of those pieces he never outlined or showed, and insists that I obviously don't test anything. And because that's clearly not douchey enough, the fucking sack of shit also goes behind my back and trashtalks me to my coworkers, tells them he can't trust me to do a simple fucking thing, and that he's given up on me.

What the FUCK is wrong with these people?

Thanks, I am happy to be sharing my payment details with your company.

ATTACHED TO THE LOGIN DETAILS YOU EMAILED ME!

me: Better check my phone for texts from friends
me: *checks phone*
me: Better get some friends
* Few seconds later *
me: Better go back to terminal

Them: "Our phones are down."

Me: "I'm sorry to hear that. Have you notified your provider?"

Them: "My provider?"

Me: "...You haven't been our VoIP client for about a year and a half now."

I got fired.

Worst job I ever had, they extended my probation period, called me "over maintenance", said my work was good but not good enough for the effort, If I take a lot of care doing my work then it's "over preparation", if not good enough then it's "not detailed enough", I don't ask enough questions? I must be unmotivated, I ask too many? I take up too much of other people's time.

Fuck them all. I hope they get a taste of their own medicine.

😍😍.

So i was working with a small company which were developing software for insurance sector. It was decided then that there should be an app for windows phone community and i was hired to that job.

It took me almost a month to finish the job. Please keep in mind that project was huge and already developed for android counterpart and was a hit in market. This was a chance given to me to prove myself and i proved it.

First month was fantastic for the company as software the company made was not available for windows phone. Price has been set for the software was higher in those time. Almost $15.

Excited by the success i added some more features which were not available on android counter part.

But price was very high. Even i asked management to drop the price because there were less windows phone user but no body listened.

Result : in a year app has made roughly 5000 download in which only 200 paid the actual price. Company asked me to take down the app from store. I was blamed for my over confidence in adding features that this made app less usable. They did not say a word to business managment team. I was fired.

Rough, cruel world.

6 month ago i published my app for same purpose with same feature set and different UI. And made it free. Completely free. Added a link to pay developer $0.5 or Rs 30.

Result: i have now 10 thousands plus download in last 4 month in which almost 3000 users have donated already.

Now i have my resource and my confidence and making an android app for same purpose.

This is my story and is not fake, i am 28 years old. If you think you can, you can.

Amen.

I am a hobby programmer. I just got rejected by the biggest crush of my life. I guess I'm stuck with my stupid wothless fucking life writing code. How fucking exciting....

My reaction seeing my own App code after 4 years !

Today, I was told to investigate why the software doesn't work on "some" computers. I had no previous experience with that particular software but I just had to make some tests... easy, right? As soon as I ran the software, my computer crashed (I literally had to restart the pc). I asked my colleagues if I did something wrong but the set up seemed ok.

Later, in a random discussion about the software I found out it does "a little memory allocation". I opened the performance tab in task manager and ran the software again. In an instant, the RAM went from 1.3GB to 7.66GB (my pc has 8GB of RAM).

In an attempt to find how such a monstrosity was creater, I found out the developer that made the software had 16GB of RAM on his pc.

I have found something that eats RAM more than Chrome... brace yourselves.

So my ethernet randomly stopped working on Arch.

At first I thought it had to do with a conflict between it and my tethered phone, so I tried removing all my connections. Still wasn't working.

Next I tried to test the driver itself and make sure it loaded on boot. It loaded, but was disconnected.

Next I decided "fuck it, I know I was just using the internet on Windows, but I'll check the ethernet cable is still plugged in anyway". It was, and it was returning the right MAC address, but still no connection.

So I try debugging the driver further. Everything seemed fine, except it would time out trying to establish a dhcp connection.

Finally I figured, maybe Microsoft tried to troll me and lock out the ethernet waking on boot. So I restart my computer, load into windows and check my ethernet driver, it seems fine. I go to disable the shutdown of the card on OS shutdown. Turns out this driver no longer has that capability.

Wait a minute!? Windows is also having connection issues!?

I look to my left.

Fuck my life...

My router was off... I must of kicked the powerboard under my desk..........

And here we go again.

Found at my university.
I bet it won’t pay anything during the dev phase, and then “fail” and you get nothing.

FFS is pisses me off!
Oh and of cause an nda.

In retrospect, being open about autism in the workplace was a very bad decision.

My manager and CTO got to know about it and since that moment, every single thing I do has a different meaning to them.
All my technical decisions have to be validated by someone else, and my critique about how certain things are done is dismissed as if I were some kind of alien.

I really wonder when they're gonna ask me about their future or something.

Built my own Amazon Echo with a raspberry pi because they aren't available in my country. Decided to pick up an official Echo Dot while in America but I'm too proud of my little project to tear it down and use the official thing haha

Hate to admit it but: I went back to Windows on my dev machine after running Linux as main OS for like 10 years. I came to the point where I'm tired of driver problems and broken bootloaders and just want things to work...

I take 1 day off from work, i come back finding my chair replaced by a junky one... I mean really??? f*ck this!

Someone stole my mouse when moving office... Dude the things on MY DESK are mine, you can't just take people's stuff and make it yours

Now I am using your crappy mouse... 😑

I saw someone handle redirect on every anchor link on server side. Yes, they handle onclick on serverside and then decide where to redirect. No they don’t use href or any sort that’s stated on the HTML. And this guy is my senior.

So I was studying for a test using a quizlet my social studies teacher made, and I came across this gem. 99% sure my social studies teacher didn't read what it said/understand what it means.

it really grinds my gears when people name their files with spaces in them 😰

My life is too short to remove USB safely

My dad has been using android for about 4-5 years now. I just showed him how the notification drop down works.

Rate my setup
Work on the left
Gaming on the right

Who the fuck told my coworkers I'm their boss when our boss is on vacation?

Wtf, I don't wanna be anyone's boss, no one should want me as such...
I would certainly micromanage the shit out of everyone and make their lives a living hell.

!rant I read some documentation about Amazon, "save all the data in my butt".
- me laughing
* I installed the extension that replaces all the instances of" the cloud " by "my butt". I'm easily entertained ;p

Getting hired at my job, I've learned so goddamn much in the past 2 months and my team is amazing

I have a whatsapp group with my friends, none of which are techies. A while ago one of them was looking for a phone to buy, so he started looking at models, specs and all that, but got pretty confused and asked a pretty well-informed question to the group:

"Guys, what is that quad core thing?
And what is a RAM? Is it something like the processor of the phone or what? "

OK, pretty typical stuff up until this point. The guy knows nothing about this sort of things, I wouldn't criticize him or insult him or anything like that. No, that's not the problem. The problem is the person that responded to him. This... This melted my brain so much I will never forget:

"Don't worry about that, you only have to look at how many gigahertz does the processor run at. Don't worry about the number of cores or ram. The GHz are the result of the amount of ram and cores, so the more the gigahertz, the better the phone."

PD: "Also take a look at how many megapixels does the camera have if you want to take photos".

Some people just talk out of their ass and pretend like they're experts on any topic they've read about for 5 minutes on the Internet

Me: "I really love cooking, it's my hobby"
They: "Would you cook for fifty people, sometimes"
Me:"... maybee"
*hired*

Bought a 27" 1080p monitor and decided to use my old monitor besides it in portrait mode. This feels so good, portrait monitor's good for reading tutorials or for writing code. My coolest setup so far!

Fighting against management is my daily struggle.
I reject the notion that more management, meetings and reports makes me work faster.
Want it done in time?
Stop wasting my time and interrupting me when I'm deep in complex thought. Let me do what's necessary and put in the hours if I have the energy and time.
But you damn better pay me for it.
I do not care for your praise, when I make the impossible happen time and again in days that would take months.
I expect your praise in the form of higher numbers going into my account.

My code just broke during a presentation and I wasn't there to fix it. My CS professor got embarrassed in front of a bunch of future students.

I had made a last-minute change right before going on vacation... Never doing that again!

My wifi was hacked two times last year, so I decided to change the factory credentials. Some months ago a tree fell on top of the cables on the street, cutting my internet connection. I call the ISP and when they get here they say I have no right for costumer support as I have altered my own connection.
WHAT. THE. FUCK
I had to revert the credentials to admin/admin in order get my internet back. These ISPs live in the fucking stone age. How the fuck do they force me to fucking have my router exposed with a fucking "admin/admin".
Fuck them.
I hope some day we have a cable revolution and finally have some rights over the networks we pay for with both tax money and excesive fees with low fucking speeds. Fuck them. Really.

Late night coding with my kitten 🙂

Girlfriend tells me she probably saved a life at work in hospital the other day (she's a physiotherapist).

She asked me how my day was.

Most of it was hunting a typo - for a holiday booking website.

"Today my girlfriend gifted me new words"
"hurrah, new things to learn"
"Now I'm waiting for the next new words, I hope they will be as exciting as the last ones"

You couldn't be more right.

Ich liebe dich so sehr~ <3

In a moment of boredom I decided to pen test the new system I've been writing on the live server. Ran sqlmap but forgot to proxy my connection.

DDOS protection kicked in and blocked the entire offices connection to the server, had to drive home quickly to use my home internet to un-blacklist my office ip. 😂

Bought new phone. Installed all necessary apps. Installed devrant last.

Forgot devrant password. Decide to skip login, will do it later. Press Skip.

Eyes immediately experience fire burn with the intensity of demon sulfur smoke from light theme. Instant headache.

Find forgot password link with the quickness. Reset password, relieved. Login.

Eyes immediately experience fire burn with the intensity of demon sulfur smoke from light theme.

APPARENTLY MY THEME PREFERENCE IS STORED IN PHONE'S LOCAL STORAGE. THANK YOU FOR THE HEADACHE DEVRANT.

Another fucking rant about my fucking goldfish brain.

At meetings, I usually note down things I need to fix, to do on the sticky note pad that comes with the OS, currently Mint.

I sat at my desk.
Looked at my notes.
Decided to properly put them as tasks on trello.
I copied all notes, planning to paste it on a trello card quickly.
Then I can just work on trello and separate into different tasks.
Connection issue.
Ethernet said connected but websites are not showing up.
Maybe restart will fix since I haven't opened any app and started working anyway.
Reboot.
Internet works.
Yayyy.
Trello showed up.
Yayyy.
oooh
f
u
c
k.

fuck.
fuck.

Shit....

I hate that fucking feeling, when I am 9001% certain that the bug is caused by the shitty framework because I tested every detail and could exclude my code as the culprit, but later realize it was in fact myself, because I overlooked one pissing line.
Holy fuck.

Me: "I've got an exam tomorrow morning, I should try to go to sleep early tonight".

22:00 - Get into bed and put on audiobook
23:00 - "Alright I'm getting sleepy now, I should fall asleep soon :)"
00:00 - "Must be soon now"
01:00 - "Maybe in 15 minutes"
02:00 - "Still got 6 hours to sleep, plenty of time"
03:00 - "My body is tired, my mind is not"
04:00 - "RIP"

It's safe to say that my sleep rhythm is utterly fucked.

Today I saw a code written by my junior. Basically excel export. The laravel excel package provide great ways for optimization.

My junior instead did 6 times loop to modify the data before giving that data to the export package. We need to export around 50K users.

When I asking him why this ? He said it works and it's fast so what the issue ???

Noob , you have only 100 users in the database and production has 10 million.

Sometime I just want to kill him.

Rate my set-up!
Is this still a thing?
I just wanted to show off a little anyway.

I've always just done CSS on my own by hand for every project because I thought it would improve my skills over time but now I've discovered Bulma with it's sass variables and responsiveness and things are just so pretty now, I never want to go back

My typical development workflow:

$ ssh user@devserver
$ cd /appdir
$ git clone/pull
$ vim file
$ vim another file
$ tail -f /var/log/applog
$ vim file
$ git commit -am 'fixed the glitch'
$ git push origin dev
^D

So I was procrastinating on my side project, then somehow started a new one but this time with three partners, now I procrastinate on this new project by working on my side project.

GREAT

My feature branch is not yours! Stop pushing unrelated things! GO AWAY.

I fucking love my job!

Fucking School, when I'm home I'll finish that personal project. Or at least work on it.

Later that day:
God, school's exhausting.. I only wanna play games (League/GW2) with my girlfriend now

Summary of my life.

my friend: how can i make windows better?

me: install linux

I wish my clients would stop reporting "bugs" in my app that are legitimate results calculated from crap feed to it by their upstream systems.

Just because my app is easy to use it's the first place that they find out that their ecosystem is fundamentally broken.

GIGO, people.

He fails at managing his time and can't finish his tasks in work days ... suggests to work on the weekend and drags the whole team with him.

Sorry mate, but I ain't fucking working on weekend !

Team lead my ass 😡😡

took me 3 hours to figure out why my app isnt working just so i can read my own code slowly like a retard and see this

Works on my machine. Not on the server though...

is it me or everyone seems to like my name :/

The not supporting browser part is ok but I'm not on windows using ie but on my phone using my default browser ........
Also how dare they put ie on my phone without telling me ........

So today after 5 years of working at my current company I decided that enough is enough... I called my boss (while being scared AF) and told him I quit. Now guys I know it is the middle of a pandemic going on right now but I want to focus 100% on my side project and I'm unsure if it will work or not, but it is a dream I want to be able to achieve. Damn it feels awesome to have a community where to say these things

You know what really, really sucks about my school? Rant#00

I'm in my last year now and they removed one CS/IT lesson. Now I have two fucking 45min lessons (instead of three) of learning what I'm actually interested in.

Even worse: They don't provide and LK ("Leistungskurs" == advanced course) for CS/IT. Not like for Maths, English, German - okay but LATIN AND SPORT? Wtf
And this school calls themselves a MINT-school (Maths, IT, Natural Sciences, Technology).

EVEN WORSE: The 12th graders now don't even have a basic course CS/IT.

Fuck you school.

My wife asked what "Soapy" was on my laptop. She was referring to SoapUI, but told me the U must be silent ;)

Everytime i see stickers,i swear i feel a tiny orgasm down my stomach 💗💗

I just bought an amazing Bluetooth headphone but I'm really FUCKING PISSED because when its charging the led flashes green and when it is charged it flashes some fucking other tone of green and as someone who has daltonism it makes me really fucking frustrated because I can't say tell the difference even if my life depended on it... PLEASE DONT BE THE STUPID CUNT THAT DESIGNS SHIT LIKE THAT! JUST MAKE IT NON COLOR DEPENDANT FOR FUCK SAKE!

Thanks.

Today is the real fuckening at work. The worst part is, you are working your ass off and someone started bugging you constantly on chat and blaming it is effecting his "productivity" because tech team doesn't solve his problem.

I have 4 projects under me with doing day to day operations also. But yeah just few more months before I left this shit. I wanted to shout back, but tried to keep my head cool, though I have already kicked his face many times in my mind.

If you cannot help, at least stop being a dick and appreciate someone trying his best to solve problems.

Me: Spends extra time simplifying UI and usability, writes full docs just incase.
Users:

My development process seems to go:

1. Write code
2. Believe that said code is amazing
3. Write more code
4. Revisit earlier code and start to doubt it's amazing-ness
5. Get frustrated that it could be done better
6. Redo 1 and repeat cycle

Seems a massive waste of time but I tend to like taking a different approach as soon as I find I'm getting stuck with the previous one.

I then get encouraged to take the quick/easy approach which seems like a backwards step and not worthwhile because I know it won't be as fast/efficient.

Here is my sweet and peaceful showOff banner. ☺️

DHL? More like, "Du Hurensohn Lieferst ned!"
Seriously! Fuck DHL so fucking hard! Why the FUCK can you deliver 2 FUCKING PACKAGES, WHICH REQUIRE SIGNING, INFRONT OF MY FUCKING ENTRANCE!! But not, A FUCKING 3rd one! LIKE SERIOUSLY! I WAS AT FUCKING HOME THE ENTIRE FUCKING DAY! THEN I RECIEVE AN EMAIL THAT THE FUCKING PACKAGE "couldnt be delivered because I wasnt at home" YEAH FUCK YOU! 2 INFRONT OF MY FUCKING DOOR! and then... I see him... that fucking DHL guy, with my package, going INTO HIS FUCKING SHITASS DHL CAR, AND DRIVING OFF!
I literally just wanted to open the window and scream "HEY DHL, MEIN SCHEISS PACKET! WO ISSET!?" but I didnt...

FUCK THESE COCKSUCKERS FROM DHL! I HAVE A FUCKING LOUD DOORBELL! RING THAT THING! THERES A BUTTON WITH MY NAME NEXT TO IT!

I secretly wish everything at work fails because everyone is so fucking stupid every time it makes me cringe when I have to talk to someone or watch someone explaining something to me.

Everything seems to lack planning and focus, our PMS act more like clients than like managers, its a total fucking mess and I have to clean some of it this week.

It's getting so much on my nerves that I had to open my whiskey for the first time this year, damn.

My work PC just got 'upgraded' to windows 10. Fantastic.

Today I showed my dad some of the projects I’ve been woking on, he said to me son show me something that makes money.

I had nothing.

So now I have to pay taxes because I'm employed. Fair enough, sounds reasonable.

Go to the government's diseased scrotum of a webapp to tramit some ID stuff and shit. All good. Then I go to the bank, so I can open an account, so that I can receive the money, so that I can pay the government.

What happens? The guy at the bank tells me he can't access my ID, so he can't open my account. Understandable. I go once again to the gonorrhea infected maggotsoup that is the government's mother fucking webapp. THEY BLOCKED MY ID.

Problem? I had to attach images of some documentation, they say the images are illegible. I try again with a clearer image, ten fucking times the resoulution.

Is that good enough? NOOOOOOOOOO0=00=======0===000 oo O O OO O O, I am the government, my sole purpose in life is to be a dick in your asshole.

So what do I do? I, calmly, grab the documentation, go to the nearest office, and politely explain the situation to the dude behind the counter. Surely, he can verify himself that my papers are in order, no?

NO. HE CANNOT.
IT CAN ONLY BE DONE THROUGH THE APP.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
WE ARE DOOMED AS A SPECIES.

LISTEN TO ME, DEAR GOVERNMENT.
AND DEAR TAXMEN.
AND ASSOCIATED BUREAUCRATS.
PLEASE HEAR ME OUT.

IF YOU DON'T UNBLOCK MY ID, I CANNOT OPEN A BANK ACCOUNT.
IF I DO NOT HAVE A BANK ACCOUNT, I CANNOT RECEIVE ANY MONEY.
IF I CANNOT RECEIVE ANY MONEY, THEN I CANNOT PAY **YOU**.
SEE HOW THAT WORKS?

ITS OK.
JUST SUSPEND THE PAYMENT I OWE.
YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT'S DUE IN A FEW DAYS??

OH RIGHT!
YOU'RE STILL ASKING ME FOR THAT MONEY.
SILLY ME.
I THOUGHT I MAY BE EXEMPT.
SINCE YOU YOURSELF HAVE FORBIDDEN ME FROM PAYING.

ARRHGHHGGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!
YOU IRREDEEMABLY STUPID FUCK.

My company changed its policy to not let off days carry over into the next year. How the fuck is this shit legal.

My lead developer has a tendency of saying "that movie fucking sucks" every time I mention a movie.

From Saturday to Sunday, I have seen ready player one a total of 6 times. If tomorrow I mention it and he says that it sucked I am gonna go ahead and Texas bitch slap him across the face with the power of Spielberg.

There is only so much trolling I can take my dudes. And I really fucking enjoyed the movie.

If you haven't seen it then please go ahead!!!

change my mind

Time to time I do some Hard- and Software repairs for neighbors and get some little money for it.

My neighbor let's call this one "Bob".

Bob has a new printer and a old one which is over 15 years old.

First: Holy shit 15 years old printer works still. WTF? Is this thing Hulk or what?

He ask me why he can't print a 128 site Doc with pictures in it from the old printer. It always stop at around 50 pages.

I tell him that it has only 32 MB Ram/Flash and can't print more. Before the Doc's were much smaller and could print that, but today you got files with more than 10 MB and on a printer it need's atleast 128 MB Ram to process and print it.

Guess what? One week later he asks me the same questions.

Why don't you print it on your new shiny expensive printer and why do you need still that OFFICE WAR VETERAN OF PRINTER to print it???

Seriously just use the new and better one!! Bob please give that old one a burial. He deservs it!

I fucking hate websites where you register and they send you email confirmation WITH YOUR FUCKING PASSWORD AND USERNAME also when you purchase something from the same fucking website they send you email with order details and YOUR PASSSSSSWWWWOOOORDDDD. Fuck my country(Serbia) man...

!dev
I'M SO GONNA GET MY OWN LOCKPICKING SET AND LEARN HOW TO FUCKING PICK LOCKS. I'M SICK OF GETTING LOCKED OUT OF MY OWN FUCKING ROOM. "WHY DON'T YOU USE A KEY?" YOU ASK? GOOD QUESTION. MY JERKBAG ARSEHOLE PARENTS DECIDED TO NOT GIVE ME A FUCKING KEY FOR MY OWN FUCKING ROOM *FOR 6 GODDAM YEARS* SINCE WE'VE MOVED IN. "WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TO THE LOCKSMITH OR SOME SHIT-" DO YOU I THINK I CAN JUST FUCKING WALTZ IN, ASK FOR THE KEY AND BRING IT TO THE FUCKING LOCKSMITH TO GET A DUPLICATE? AS IF THEY WOULD!!! AND NOW I'M GONNA GET EITHER AN F OR GO FULL SUICIDAL BECAUSE COFFEE THROUGH THE NIGHT IS NOT A FUCKING OPTION FOR ME. BECAUSE ALL THE FUCKING MATERIAL I HAVE FOR MY GODDAM ASSIGNMENT, ALONG WITH MY LAPTOP IS IN MY FUCKING ROOM. THANKS DAD! YOU SURE ARE HELPFUL AS FUCK! FUCK YOU!

As DevOps it’s my duty to make sure these excuses no longer exist. Software should just work everywhere all the time

Fuck my life! For my studies at University it is required that I learn how to code... Over the past month I've been learning java, and yesterday a friend of mine has introduced me to Go. Now all I want to do is learn Go, meanwhile our Prof pushes us to learn switch-case and goto...

What's wrong with the USPS...my stressball has been stuck in Jamaica for the last 10 months...

Last night i ran my code, it worked. This morning i ran, it didn't.

I'm starting to doubt that my computer is a deterministic system.

Am I the only one? Have a nice desk but prefer to code in my sofa all night loooong..

Well is a long story, but to make it short, a friend started to teach me HTML after that at school they taught me c++, and after my first "Hello World" I was hooked, since then I became an addict to programming and now to devrant

Working at my company for one year with two old 20 inch monitors. My boss asked my what would improve my productivity. I said give me two fucking huge and nice monitors. I got the approval that he ordered for all of us new monitors.

One of the support guys told me the we will get the monitors today. Yeah but that was two weeks ago..

Now all of us are only taking about new monitors.. kinda funny that you can get excited for hardware so easy. Love the IT <3

Joining the train of setup brags! Mine is very humble on the technology:)

About to enter the snake pit of lawyers for a client call about a late project. Putting on my super suit.

Staying in because I have some really awesome stomach pains this morning courtesy of my time in the wonderful U.S Army.

As such my daughter did not get dropped off at the daycare center.

It is 09:22am. She(daughter)would have stayed asleep till about 10 if we didn't mess with her.

For WHATEVER FUCKING REASON and knowing that my stomach is on a fucking murder spree right now my wife decided in ALL OF HER FUCKING WISDOM to wake her up.

I am so
Fucking
Upset

I really feel for the motherfucker that would today and I am really wishing a motherfucker would.

Whoa, someone forked my repo on GitHub!

Now I'm terrified that someone is reading my hot-mess code.

So here I am testing some python code and writing to a file. No big deal. But damn is it taking a long time to get data back from this API. Ah it's fine I'll let it work in the background.

40 minutes later.

Oh! The requests timed out. No big deal. I'll just cut out the parts that are already done.

1st request in.
I wonder what the file is looking like.
Only showing 1 request.

waitaminute.jpeg

I should have more than that.
*Suddenly realizes that I was writing to the file and not appending.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

More than 3GB ram is useless on android phones. Change my mind.

I bought cheap lg g5. It has 4gb ram (my old phone had 1gb ram). I have opened chrome with 4 tabs, an AAA game, devRant, Instagram, a vpn app, android settings and I'm listening music. There is still free 1,2 gb ram. Also this is not my everyday usage. I use maximum 3 apps at same time.

Background: I'm in middle school, and two popular games that people liked got blocked. My friend and I made a website with the blocked games on a free 000webhost subdomain. It was a crappy, twenty minute website that I made with just a view counter, the games, and a chat room for people looking for other people to play with.

Story: one day I opened up the chat room where another friend and I were gonna talk about our teacher behind her back. I opened the chat room, and in the previous chat text, there was a line that said "Username: " and a text box. Then, about five lines, each with two text boxes separated by a ":". I knew that it could've been my friend that "made" the site with me (he designed the logo and occasionally modified the HTML), but I suspected not. He wasn't smart enough. Now when I was building the chat room, I internationally didn't put in XSS protection, just to see if someone would catch onto it, and, to my surprise, someone obviously did. Now there's someone in my school, who could be just like me, but I don't know where. Man, I really wanna find him (or her)! Of course, it could be my teachers, who are messing with it and could be trying to get it blocked -_-

After months of googling and troubleshooting my router settings trying to figure out why my port forwarding settings are not working only to realize that I'M BEING CGNATTED TO OBLIVION BY MY FUCKING ISP WITHOUT A FUCKING NOTICE!

y.

Wish I knew about this lovely community a few years ago, when a dev in my team asked for help because they couldn't understand why their function was only returning one string... Only you guys would understand my pain when I saw this...

string SomeShitStringMethod()
{
<do stuff>
return string1;

<do stuff>
return string2;

<do stuff>
return string3;
}

>_______<

Would have loved if my teachers had any idea about coding, more over, if they had any idea about coding in big projects, even more if they had any idea of producing understandable maintainable code and had taught people about it.

Great

Updated GPU drivers, turned my PC off while i was getting something to eat and watch YouTube videos in the living room, decided to go work on some project, turn my PC back on, and... Nothing works...

Neither of my monitors displays anything and not even my keyboard turns on... Didn't even get to see the splash screen of my mobo vendor

Why does this shit always happen to me?

I have now turned the name board in my cubicle to hide my name.

Why you ask? Not because I don't like my name, or dislike my name board (there's this little design on it which is just delightful).

It is to make it a bit more difficult for new morons who don't know who I am or where I sit. Can't do much more than that because I have a desktop.

Never pulled a coding all-nighter. I love and need my eight hours beauty sleep. 😴

I got moved to a new team. My old team was truly agile, and my manager was very "off hands" and actually let us work.

My new team is an older team that practices a bloated abomination called SAFe Agile, and the manager gets into all the details to the point of removing autonomy.

Shoot me please.

Paradise lost.

I got out of bed so fast because I wanted to do something on my computer. Now, I'm sitting here trying to remember what it was!

sleep. this isn't even a fucking sarcastic answer. my motherboard almost got fried from my drool after falling asleep on my keyboard.

Spent 4h+ debugging my code (it was late)...only to realise that my code was not buggy, but the fuckup in design was in the original part I didn't change..FML..

Just SSH'd into my first serious cloud VM and realized I really cannot live without Oh My Zsh!

!dev

I want to say to my cheating whore of an ex, you were never worth the time nor the effort. You are my only regret in life. There are actually way more pretty and nice and probably honest girls than you'll ever be!

I'm giving these out to the trick or treaters, do you think they'll be happy? They say that knowledge is worth more than sweets in my country!

I really dislike the company I work at.

I want to say hate, but there are parts that I adore (mostly the people I get to work with).

However, I dislike:
- The management
- The way engineers are treated
- Lack of responsibility for on QA for finding bugs, and it falling solely onto the engineers
- Sales circle jerk every All Hands meeting
- The amount of "ring-around-the-rosy" they played with me for a 10k raise (took 12+ months and not what I was looking for when I first asked)
- They lie

Just a shitty company overall. Interesting product depending on what team you're on, but overall I'd rather dye my hair green and become a talking broccoli stock.

Recently not a single fucking thing is going my way...... Every goddamn new thing i try, screws me over in some way... And when I finally think somethings working, I get fucked more than a highway hooker.

My definition of hell?
Being forced to debug nested callbacks abusing global variables & closures generated from from reflection...

That feeling when they don't understand something, yet you know that no matter how much you explain about it they still wouldn't understand...

My heart can only take so much torture...

I've had a phone's charging port melt on me, a charger just give up and barely give any current, and now my charger overheated and almost caught on fire and my room smells like burnt plastic... I have great luck with charging phones

[Me]: Walking past a building, looks like an office building. *Light bulb*
[Me]: looks towards the nearest monitor Python terminal is open. Screams out loud "My man!"

Ok guys, since what Im using is a laptop with some low specs since Im too broke to even afford a new FM2+ motherboard to repair my desktop pc and have a little more raw power to use and make more fancy stuff, I wish to know if anyone here legit is interested in some Original content images that Im thinking in make just out of spite in the Zerg Rush of users spaming about F. Quantum and if its worth my already highly limited time just to get hopefully more ++ than my last AMD OC that pretty much noone cared about

The largest ISP in my country, a government backed service, hijacks URLs randomly and injects pop up into web browser!

Imagine if getting hijacked during an online transaction... Glad it never happened yet.

But Fuck them for doing this.

I should be working. I am so far behind with both homework and my game.

*Does nothing but watch youtube videos all day*

I'm lazy. I barely work on my game anymore and procrastinate with all of my HW. Pretty sure Youtube has my soul.

just bought (rented) my first dedicated server, for flipping 10€/month. let's see how it goes! boy, am i excited for my new toy...

In my heart of hearts, I am a linux user.

In real life, I use Windows and WSL.

I think my boss hates me 🤭 she accepted my meeting invite, I made eye contact with her on my way to the meeting room, she just looked up and then back down. Now here I am, been waiting for her to show up for 10 minutes 🙃

As a freelance web developer, should I develop my own website to market myself?

My commit message just about sums it up...

!!!dev

This is !dev at all, buy I think many devs might share a similar way of thinking.

I just had a discussion with a friend. He told me that he donated 100.- to a poor family he met in Thailand and told me about how good he feels because of that.
I told him that I’ve been donating regularly for the last 8 years and that it’s not about how you feel but about the change you made.

We argued for a while and I realized that I’m using my past donations not only to convince him but to win the argument..

I used my deeds to my own benefit, so I’m no better than the TikTok Bitches showing their bodies for likes..

I’m deeply disappointed in myself.

Hey guys.
So I finnaly did some cleaning :p so, I know I'm late, but this is my temple

I was working yesterday, writing a calculus with sql.
My very great user explained to me the math in Excel. I first though to myself, piece of cake, i got it.
Then I started typing and at the end of the day i had 6 temp tables which at some point need to join with themselves. It was just hilarious. each table had at least 4 millions rows.

Then I started a new query just for validating the output of me very ugly previous queries.
And I fucking found a easier way to get the same output with 3 joins of 3 different tables and a count at the end.

When you love yourself. but hate yourself at the same time.

xD it was a very productive Friday night

TL; DR;
I'm one with code and the code is one with me.

Everything in my life has been inconsistent and as soon as I start building expectations from someone or something, it disappoints. Be it my friends (😂😂) or my ex girlfriend or my studies or my college or my professors or work, or food (sometimes).

Coding, or programming, has been the only consistent and non disappointing thing since 2010 for me. It just works. If I write a wrong program, I know its why and where its wrong and then fixing it works. Sometimes it works in one go. And sometimes is works beyond my expectations. Its like coding chose me rather than me chosing coding.

Six months ago I was at the store wondering why on earth I passed up this cool LEGO set. I hadn't spent money on myself in a while, so I got it. I never got around to building it for several reasons, so I decided to put it in storage last night.

Imagine my shock when I go to put it away only to find the same exact set staring up at me, just dusty because I also had to put that one away because I couldn't find the time or space to build it.

I'm usually very good about tracking the sets that I buy. I double checked my list before I accidentally bought it the second time, and I must have forgotten to add it when I bought it the first time.

It is an expensive set, even for LEGO, but the return date for both has long since passed. Which means I get to build two blacksmith shops after I retire in 40 years.

Wish my 3 project managers would realize when everything is a P1, nothing is.

No matter how much I try my boss keeps trying to shove future or unsolicited features on every fucking current sprint as if we weren't delayed already...

Wtf dude? We get paid by delivery, let's just fucking deliver what they expect by each deadline and move on...

My laptop now finally refuses to connect to the company wifi, and here i am browsing bitbucket on my phone

I didn't expect me to be productive today anyway, but that's another rant.

I always get this fucking want to cut off my head headache after giving every damn workshop at office. Fuck you head. Fuck you.

Today I started setting up an environment to learn C. It's my first dive into anything more complex than PHP. Wish me luck!

Also, any hints for a beginner in C?

Don't complete the task within estimates : You're slow.
Complete it before estimates: Your estimates suck!

Testing a chat application that works within a local network on my mobile hotspot.

600 mb gone

WTF!

My dr became Chinese

Great news, I just lost my email account's password. The password is in password manager but apparently, when I was changing it, I did something wrong. Now, neither the old one, nor the new one work and I can't login into my email. I didn't even change the password reset phone number to my new one! And I also forgot the recovery mailbox' password. Fucking great.

Here's the lesson: **ALWAYS** re-check your new password in your browser's private window.

Just integrated urban dictionary in my app.

Just asked Google Assistant, what's on my screen?
Here is what I got instead. :/

So, now my boss thinks i stole his project!!? Duh!! 😳😡
Suggest me ways to quit working here! 🙏🏻🙏🏻

How did you hear about devRant?

What the fucking fuck is this bullshit?!
I feel like most journalists don't even have brains.
I wake up and I can't fucking turn my head or move my arms so I try to turn on TalkBack with my left hand since I can't fucking see what's on the damn screen of my phone. I google something along the lines of "jammed neck muscles" and as I am in so much pain that I am involuntarily crying I start to search for some way to limit the pain. "Jammed neck muscles? Try these few steps!", you open the page and they proceed to put 10 pages of non-sense in front of the actual steps - every single fucking article. DO THESE PEOPLE HAVE THE IQ OF A CENTIPEDE?!! After 12 minutes of this shit that I had to listen to I just said fuck it and somehow managed to throw myself off the bed and onto the ground - where I landed on all four and was somehow able to stand up and grab some Theraflu forte(apparently paracetamol is the best cure for jammed neck muscles and I know that there are 1000mg of it in one packet of theraflu) from my cardboard box full of meds.

Just figured out that while I was on vacation they made a really well thought (not) decision to switch to Firebase despite having 4 fully managed VPS with low usage.

Wanna know what the big deal is?
The only one who looks like knows anything is the fucking intern.

I was trying to understand the thought process and everything revolved around "its real time" argument.

No one knows how the api really works, the benefits of "real time" , and we are using the free plan :)

Yeah... People really do overthink things here...

I wrote some ISO my 8GB flashdrive, then I realised what I did (fuckfuckfuckfuckfuuck) and formatted it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I have pretty old computer but I love it.

It's only Thursday... morning... WTF....

(my internet is so slow I delete the post I uploaded an hour ago because it looked like the image was corrupted... It was just still loading)

Q: WTF was used in __ different ways in this rant. How many and what are they?

A headache starts popping in my head like modals and popups on websites, so I decide I should take a pill and proceed to get myself some water (yeah, I cannot stand headaches for more than 2 minutes).

As I enter, the room is only populated with the "cleaning lady" (she's quite aged), I tell her "hi" and proceed to grab a glass of water.

"Hey, you are good in IT right?"

Oh fuck.

RUNNNNN.

That lady is impossible to escape once she wants to talk to you.

So my skills as a developer were used to configure her facebook...

Hope my headache starts leaving soon, it worsened by a factor of 9000 after that traumatic episode.

I might be able to release my first application tomorrow. At least the first version.

Nothing special, be amazed if it gets much attention.

In short;

You specify any running processes you wish to forcefully close, in my case, games.

So any time these games start running, it's force closed.

The app also monitors the active window, of it's and IDE, like Visual Studio, it will add credit towards allowing those blocked processes to run.

Currently you get 1 credit for every minute you code.

I plan to refine it some more. And yes I know there's ways around it but, it was fun to make

!rant

For the past year I was more or less solely responsible for a project. With the beginning of the year 2020 that project is paused. I had vacation starting the 23.12.2019 so the project ended there for me. Since the 25. the project is alerting like 30 crashes a day. I didn't change a thing but the external consultant did. Now I sit here at home and drink relaxing tea while reading a book. It's nice to say that it is not my problem anymore :-)

So just went for an interview that a slimy recruiter set up, 'yes they want experience in C#', great! Finally get back on top of my rent, sort my life out. Get to the interview, fucking C++ job...

I've had enough.

Week started of great.... :/

I always leave my laptop at work, except this weekend. Guess what I forgot to bring to work today....

Follow up to my previous rant:
I find a random bush more amusing and interesting than whatever's happening around me.

Why is DevRant consuming so much power in the background? My Android starts ranting about it every time I leave the app minimized.

My previous boss. He is a very cool guy. He treat us lunch and dinner sometimes. We always have a conversation topic like existentialism and being in a subconscious state of mind, because most people I met is just very basic. He also owns an office where we are all working in. we watch porn together at night, gossip about hot girls nearby the office area and curse a lot. I love laid back person like him. Also he's humble as fuck.

I’m thankful for my team. I had an upsetting personal incident and it was affecting my ability to be present. I even missed a meeting. They are giving me the space I need and rescheduling other meetings for me. It’s hard for me to accept compassion because I haven’t experienced a lot of that when I needed it. I was very distressed at the beginning of the week, but now I’m starting to feel better and getting back to functioning.

Oh god, I just got told off by my building manager for sleeping to much here.

I need to be near my computer to work or I slowly die inside

This project is taking my soul out of me...

Every time I have to change something that has been changed countless times in the past 9 months and every time I see the clusterfuck it is becoming I literally feel my energy being sucked away.

Thank god I'm being interviewed by other companies already...

For the past 19 years of life, I've loved Thanksgiving break because it was an escape from school or a job I hated. But now that I work as a dev, I miss working on my project and can't wait to go back!

Few weeks back, I have subscribed /r/battlestations and drooling everyday. Now with this latest devRant news, it's time to save money or sell my ass on street to

1) buy a wide monitor or monitors
2) buy backlit keyboard and mouse
3) buy a good desk
4) buy a good chair
5) buy/rent a room with enough space

Forget about buying and setting up a good unit, I can just use my potato laptop for one photo taking. *dry-laugh*

(∩︵∩)

We're having a training session on how to speak with clients because we're getting feedback that we seen annoyed in our emails.

Probably my fault, not that I mean for that to bleed through into my replies

No shit, it works on my machine

Have a big legacy project which should be updated to current technologies,

but when it's done, these current technologies are outdated already, so you

Have a big legacy project which should be updated to current technologies,

The best part being a dev for me is that my hobby is also my job. And my hobby pays well 😎

What are you guys doing against brute force attacks on your login webpages? I don't want anybody to access my porn ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). But I don't want to block the useraccount because that would be annoying because you could simple lock a user out of his account :/ any suggestions? What are you doing on your sites?

You know what really boils my piss?
Clients who email in all caps.
"URGENT HELP, CAN'T RECEIVE EMAILS"
Followed by two lines of bitching about how this keeps happening and they'll move elsewhere if it's not fixed asap at 11pm.
WELL GUESS WHAT?
YOU MOVED YOUR EMAILS AWAY ALREADY!

One of my college professor just reached out to me on Whatsapp and he told me that my college is conducting a short crash course on "Machine Learning" for students. He asked me if I could visit and take a session along with others. He also sent me an ad banner which my collage had designed for this purpose.

Soon after the chat, I just opened up Instagram and saw my privacy going for a huge toss 🤪😡!!

Works on my machine. So +1 ing in comment description.

Nothing in my office like incompetent developers or their lack of regard for security really bothers me.
But the fact that the coffee's been out for a week now and nobody has replaced it is pissing me off.

First time I've been out all spring or is it summer 😬 been coding my life away

It's nice outside!

Back to work