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!n case someone is unfamiliar with this joke ::
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, *"But how'd you know?"**
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."6 -
Why do I create free services (at least free for now)?
Because one of my biggest dreams is to create a service which will be used by many many people.
A man can dream, right?
😞32 -
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."10 -
!rant
I've always wanted to son to enjoy the the same feeling I get when I'm developing. Today my son pulled up a chair next to me and started asking questions about my code, it's safe to say I got those proud dad feels.
Feels good man, feels real good.
6 -
My weirdest ever co-worker was a man who called himself "the code" and wrote exclusively JavaScript.7
-
Me: Hi, how can i help you today?
User: Sorry, i can't upload a picture for my profile. It shows a popup saying that i already uploaded it.
Me: it's because you uploaded.
User: Awesome man, thanks.4 -
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Versace tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd:
Man: “If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?”
The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies:
Shepherd: “Okay.”
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says,
Man: “You have exactly 1,586 sheep here.”
The shepherd cheers,
Shepherd: “That’s correct, you can have your sheep.”
The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks,
Shepherd: “If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?”
The young man answers;
Man: “Yes, why not?”
Shepherd: "You are an IT consultant."
Man: “How did you know?”
Shepherd: “Very simple. First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don’t understand anything about my business…Now can I have my DOG back?"3 -
Someone, I have no idea who, commented on my personal project that he wanted to pick up one of the issues.
Then, he followed through and fixed it and sent a PR.
Feels good man.4 -
This pro developer in my work just made me look like a fucking useless potato today. Although he was really nice and made me understand what the problem was.
Damn man, he knows too much 😓14 -
$ cat "door: paws too slippery"
cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery
$ touch /woman
touch: cannot touch `woman': Permission denied
$ look into "my eyes"
can’t open my eyes
$ man -kisses dog
dog: nothing appropriate -
Someone found my curriculum online, hooked me into an interview. I go there and the dude that handles the interview asks me: "So, why do you want to work with us?"
Man, I don't even know myself.18 -
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."1 -
Me when I look through my old projects: Man, what the fuck was I thinking.
Me when I look through my new and current projects:
Man, what the fuck am I thinking.2 -
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, *"But how'd you know?"**
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."5 -
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology,"says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.2 -
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the shepherd: "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."
The shepherd cheers, "That's correct, you can have your sheep." The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"
The young man answers, "Yes, why not?" The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant."
"How did you know?" asks the young man.
"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business... Now can I have my dog back?"3 -
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. ♨💨🎈
He reduces height and spots a man down below.
He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions,
"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says:
"Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"
"Well", says the man “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."7 -
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology,"says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."2 -
Friend - Hey man, why so angry?
Me - Nothing on my fucking page is
styling correctly!
Friend - Lemme see your code...
You know you forgot the
semicolon on your first CSS
line right?
Me - ... OH FUUUCCCKKK3 -
Hello, mister Boss man. If you'd please stop referring to me and my colleges as "resources". K, thx.4
-
It’s me again. Your favourite pi man! My boss’s design got approved and the packhorse ordered lots of these bad boys. With a master degree, I’m a assembly line worker now 🙄
30 -
"Git is useless, connect to the server and edit the pages" - My boss, 2019
And beleive it or not, he's also a teacher. What a great and wise man, we should build a statue for him!8 -
Wish me luck guys I think this is it. I'm going to be financially set for real this time woohoo! Big thanks to my man billy
6 -
Yikes, this headline appeared in my feed:
Chinese man sentenced to 5 years in jail for running VPN.
😲8 -
At a busy restaurant.
Person 1: oh my God this man here is having a heart attack. Is there a doctor here?
Person 2: here's ten reasons why Kotlin is better than Java for Android development5 -
Her: I like a man who lives dangerously
Me: I sold a game to my client without debugging it
Her: grab a mop6 -
I'm a simple man, I want to:
- get along with everybody
- be able to depend on my coworkers
- use whatever editor I want
- have vcs (preferably git)
- listen to music while coding
- work with people who share my hobbies (optional)7 -
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."1 -
Just deleted my Facebook and github account (after migrating over to bitBucket) and realised.
I had more followers on github than friends on Facebook. Feels bad man..3 -
Hey man can you fix my tv, computer, toaster, phone, or hack this phone i found, can you hack me a wifi, can you make me a website/app i have a really good idea. (For free of course)
Hey man you only need a good idea for an app then become rich.
(Insert countless of other retarded requests here)
Someone kill me6 -
Just got my free stickers today! I'd like to thank every single person that has ever given me a ++ on a rant. I'd also like to thank my parents for making me the man I am today, and my high school counselor who just told me yesterday that I'm failing my English class!
9 -
My current one, not Dev related but still...
Walked into my interview with a full head of hair and man bun with a big bushy beard.
Started the day after I shaved off everything for a charity thing, my manager went 3 days without realising who I was and just rolled with me being there .-.3 -
It's funny. I've been doing this work for about 6 weeks now my 'I don't give a fuck' level on some issues/subjects is rising.
By the way, this is only with things that aren't wrong on our side.
Man, the stress relieve!3 -
Girlfriend: There are so many passwords to remember, man. What's my amazon password, baby?
Me: Just use a password manager?
Girlfriend: That sort of thing exists?12 -
>>signs up for GitHub student pack
>>Approved almost instantly
>>Looks at what's included
>>See a .me domain from namecheap is free
>>"yo that's lit. Lemme see if they have one I want"
>>Finds domain
>>"Good shit man. I'll finally have a reason to make my own website"
>>Go to checkout
>>Asks for school email address
>>Enters address
>>"it seems your University is not included in this."
>>Fuck me man10 -
Friend: "what is the answer to this question?"
Me: "${answer}"
Friend: "yes, what is the answer?"
Me: "my bad"
Me: `${answer} is the answer`
Friend: "thanks man" -
Man : Just give me the bald overhead with RJ45 clips to keep my hair tied at the back
Barber : I got you fam
4 -
Client calls: "hey man, my shit isnt working".
Me: "uh... Have you pressed ctrl+f5?" while coding on the speed of light so i can say it was his browser problem -
I believe that sometimes my IDE should tell me : FuckingRetardException : Man, wtf are you doing. Go fuck yourself
😂😂😂1 -
What a week
On Monday I was promoted to senior and on Friday the other senior in my group was fired for gross incompetence.
FEELS GOOD MAN8 -
Man: Hey Google, tell my wife that I cant make for the dinner with her parents.
Google Assistant: Okay, will do.
After sometime...
Google Assistant: Next time, you talk to your wife yourself...1 -
I caught my client SLASH boss SLASH project man SLASH designer SLASH "I want to make facebook but better" designing with microsoft word
That explain the calibri font in their logo9 -
I think I may start my very own indie game dev studio... For now as a one man army... That’ll be fun.
I guess wish me luck guys!
I mean, what could possibly go wrong?11 -
This happens to me all the time at my new company, the amount of wtfs I say in some js files, man...
1 -
Students in my CS class be like: "This sucks"
Me: "y tho?"
Them: "Idk man, we thought we'd learn cool hacking stuff here instead of java and shit"
CESSPOOL OF FUCKING DEGENERATES CAN YOU NOT READ5 -
Lost two machines with 10years+ of my work and files to the police after a raid some years ago...
They were used in a "crime" cuz I was chatting with my hemp supplier on one of the machines...no chance to get them back...
Oh man, I miss my data...18 -
My family didn't support me. In fact, my own father told me I'd never learn to code. I do many things out of pure spite, one of them: pursue a master's degree in computer science to prove an old man wrong.
On my third semester of my bachelor's I was already a better developer than he will ever be 🙄3 -
My cat's always with me while coding.
It's nice, he's cute.
Then he decides to wake up, and to walk on my keyboard to go away.
Code looks like hcozpxucksl,,lOs', thanks man.
Not a big deal but I wanted to share my desperation with you, thanks for the listen12 -
This is a conversation my friend and I had.
Me: let me just delete this file
*rm -rf filename*
Frnd: what does the rf do?
Me: Don't know man I just do it coz the memes tell me to.6 -
Yesterday I changed my phone's battery. Now guess who stuck with broken loudspeaker phone..
Man, I miss the old day when you can pop that back cover and change the battery.3 -
My bro and I are going home from a concert and talking.
Bro: Man, my life's made out of problems you can't just solve by definition.
Me: You didn't tell me you started working with java.
Later I realised he was talking about problems with his gf.4 -
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."3 -
Teacher: what is 1 + 1?
kid : I don't know
Teacher: Ok! you have one man and one women, how many are there?
Kid: Three.
Teacher: how?
Kid: There was my mom and dad, when they add up we become three.
Teacher: %(;:)--,^$2 -
Best swag ever: 3d printed dev rant avatar? I would love to have my mini-self on my desk! Or for playing board games! For rubberducking! In the fishtank! Oh man, inifinite posibilities ... *_* what would you guys do with one????
14 -
I finally bit the bullet and completely deleted my Facebook account! I am a free man! Fucc Facebook.12
-
Man im so burnt out i cant function properly...ive been balls deep in 5 assignments all due next week for what feels like an eternity
Stress killed my immune system...cant sleep...sick af
Kill me pls5 -
I have difficulties to process why some of my developer colleagues have such difficulties reading and processing error messages.
It says what is wrong RIGHT THERE MAN!3 -
Apparently some freaking man in my ex-team tried to learn Vim because he thought he could become more efficient but he spend more than two weeks trying it while delivering poor quality code with extra spaces, bad indentation and extra "wq" strings9
-
!rant
Just had my coworker to notice me, that there is a fire alarm right now.
Man I must say, good Job Sennheiser on Their NC headphones!7 -
Me: I want to be a developer so I can make useful software that will help people!
Also me: *spends days making a bot for discord that just posts memes*7 -
Boss reasoning: 9 woman can deliver a baby in one month.
My response: 9 man cum in your mother pussy and she delivered you in one month too.
welp, I said that just in my mind of course 🤐5 -
The intern: FUUUUCK, WHY ISN'T MY CODE WORKING?
Me: Lemme check real quick... ok, that's a null pointer exception.
The intern: Again? Man, I'm growing desperate. How do I stop making these errors?
My dumb ass with my 4 years coding experience, who encountered a nullpointerexception literally 5 minutes earlier: """"°-°""""11 -
Dear OSX,
PLEASE STOP TRYING TO USE MY BLUETOOTH HEADPHONES AS A MIC
I HAVE A BLUE YETI FOR A REASON
Thank you,
An man recently embarrassed when his headphones switched to Mic mode in a meeting while singing "Let It Go"4 -
My company compromises SSL certificates in the name of "security". I can't even use Gmail because Google has identified my intranet as a malicious network executing a man in the middle attack. So they break security in the name of security.6
-
UI Is the bane of my existence. I'm an embedded programmer i mainly deal with drivers daemons low level stuff no UI involved. why do they keep assigning mobile apps to me man ! #FML6
-
My manager is a "Yes" man, he says "yes" although we don't actually have the capacity.
Here I am now cramming with 5 simultaneous projects. :(2 -
So my dumbass coworker did it again.
He included 600kb to the initial load of one of our platforms to use ONE FUCKING CSS CLASS!!! Wtf man?3 -
Hobby at home... I feel I have MPD. Coding in php on Pi, C on Arduino, and C++ on Android to make my telescope an auto-focuser... Time to get usbip to work on Android
"If I were a rich man,
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.…"
If I were a rich man, I wouldn't have to build it from scratch and could simply buy a $15,000 telescope which had an integrated one...
11 -
When I need cash, sometimes I go to my clients and sell them "security updates"...
I am a one (wo)man Mafia!3 -
My first interview ever for an internship. The interviewer asked me to rate myself in this language from 1 to 10 as if I'm applying for a lead engineer position at Google. I replied with a number that I thought was appropriate at the time (but now I know it wasn't accurate). The interviewer didn't say anything and moved to the next question. Later, I found out he ranted about my answer on his Twitter, again as if it's expected from an applicant intern at a low tier company to know. Still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth 7 years later.8
-
I fucking hate websites where you register and they send you email confirmation WITH YOUR FUCKING PASSWORD AND USERNAME also when you purchase something from the same fucking website they send you email with order details and YOUR PASSSSSSWWWWOOOORDDDD. Fuck my country(Serbia) man...6
-
Created a batch file to modify some system files on our embedded system.
Accidentally double clicked it in my development main machine :(
Man, fm fucking l2 -
Anybody else feeling it after Chester Bennington's death recently? I'm nearly 30 years old, so I listened to him a lot through my teenage years. Linkin Park was practically my favorite band back then. I'm pretty bummed out man. 😔
Damn.9 -
TL;DR:
Bunq gave a fitting sentence to a 18 year old for DDoS'ing them.
source(dutch): https://tweakers.net/nieuws/129639/...
dutch:
Fintechbank' Bunq heeft bekendgemaakt dat een 18-jarige man die achter een grootschalige ddos-aanval op de bank zat, zich vrijwillig bij een kantoor van Bunq heeft gemeld. De bank en de man zijn overeengekomen dat hij voor straf een week vrijwilligerswerk bij Amnesty International moet doen.
Fintechbank' Bunq has announced that an 18 year old man has voluntarily reported to be the one behind a big DDoS against the bank. The bank and the man agreed to the sentence of a week of volunteer work for Amnesty intornational.
My addition:
That's how it can be done too!
It's a lot closer to what I see as just punishment for a DDoS compared to going to jail for years.
Bunq it took balls to show such leinancy and I do applaud you for it.5 -
So my wife got laid off from her job aaaaaaand that puts me back again in the hunt for freelance bs to cover up her income until she finds something decent........dis is gon suck bad man.....6
-
This was a straight-to-devrant moment...
Referred a work colleague to a man page for a command they were having trouble with.
Their reply: "I really hate man pages. They are not useful to me. They are full of blah blah blah blah blah. I just want 'run this' or 'run that'."
Then my eyes exploded right out my head, making room for my brain exploding right behind them.2 -
So yesterday there was an interesting news story in my country. A man was fined for posession of two pictures containing pornographic depictions of children.
Now that's all great. The interesting part, however, is how the man was caught.
A tip was given from foreign agencies to the law enforcement of my country that the man was storing the pictures on his OneDrive. Not sharing them or anything, simply storing them there.
How the FUCK did the know? Do they monitor everything you put in a fucking private cloud repository? I've never used OneDrive, and now I'll make sure to never use it in the future. Fucking spyware.8 -
Ransomware: Haha, pay me now or say goodbye
Me: Hey, What are you doing on my Pentium?
RW: Whaaat? Fuck man you are a disgrace. Here take some $2000 and now I be off.
my hero....2 -
My current company. It's locker room talk 24/7
I am a man. I don't mind sex, but my colleagues, and my boss, are talking like Trump was talking to Billy Bush in that bus. I am contemplating complaining to HR, who happens to join them in mentally undressing women and other lewd conversations, or handing in my resignation15 -
100% of the credit goes to my dear friend @TheKarlisK
This is our VPN project we did recently and published it as open source to the world.
Cheers to you my man, Karlis.
8 -
Sometimes i wonder what if am a fairly successful man in future? In my 40s, with a secure job, a beautiful wife, 3 kids , parents , and a healthy family ?
What would i be advising my 20 yr old current self to gain such a future?13 -
Me: man, I really want to work on my project but I don't know what to do
Brain: You should document your code, it doesn't have a single fucking comment, you stupid lazy fuck
Me: oh ok, I will do that ...1 -
My uncle who thought me Computers and Networking ( I once worked with him on a project ) came by to my house today. He said that he created a software that automates his work on the boring stuff so when he has free time he works on his own company. My man!2
-
I really start to lose motivation to work when working from home..
I find myself watching YouTube videos for 4-5h a day instead of working..
Still get my sprint work done but man, it’s so boring after a year at home..8 -
Background: I'm in middle school, and two popular games that people liked got blocked. My friend and I made a website with the blocked games on a free 000webhost subdomain. It was a crappy, twenty minute website that I made with just a view counter, the games, and a chat room for people looking for other people to play with.
Story: one day I opened up the chat room where another friend and I were gonna talk about our teacher behind her back. I opened the chat room, and in the previous chat text, there was a line that said "Username: " and a text box. Then, about five lines, each with two text boxes separated by a ":". I knew that it could've been my friend that "made" the site with me (he designed the logo and occasionally modified the HTML), but I suspected not. He wasn't smart enough. Now when I was building the chat room, I internationally didn't put in XSS protection, just to see if someone would catch onto it, and, to my surprise, someone obviously did. Now there's someone in my school, who could be just like me, but I don't know where. Man, I really wanna find him (or her)! Of course, it could be my teachers, who are messing with it and could be trying to get it blocked -_-1 -
Fuck people that do not show up on Mondays because"they're sick".
Thanks for extra workload of two more people on top of my already two-man job.7 -
Man, I am not a stickers guy, but I am seriously considering putting one or more of these on my apple monitor at work.
2 -
"I want to be irresistible to women" wished the man to the genie.
The genie snaps his fingers and the man turns into a box of chocolates.
And that, my friend, explains the difference between a programmer's intention and what he writes in his program.1 -
Manager: how long does it take to add this functionality?
Me: 🤔, give me 6 days.
Man: perfect, you'll have 4 days
Me: why ask me then?
Man: so you feel included in the decision 🙂
Me: ..... Right... And ignored....
And now he wonders why, since then, I overestimate the times... And I wonder why he didn't fire me, my friends get scared everytime I talk to our manager 😛, actually, they forbid me from talking in meetings 😛. -
Just went from full time employee at my work to contract under my own LLC on a retainer at my old salary. I'm my own man and it feels great. All the tax breaks shall be mine.6
-
!rant
This morning, I thought I'd give devRantron a try, and man, I'm not disappointed.
Since I'm always at my computer, I rarely check my phone and now that we have a proper desktop client, I can finally shitpost while sitting at my desk. :v
No seriously though, this app is awesome.
Props to Tahnik and the other guys who worked on it.5 -
My goal in life as an android man: convert every single person I can from Samsung or iPhone to either pixel or Nexus
Converted 3 so far and they all say they won't go back to modifed Android or iOS :-D14 -
Honestly ...
Am I a simple man ?
I had a small convetsation with a stranger and he suddenly called me "a simple man".
That made me wonder for 3 days and i thought i can ask U .
U can see my prev posts and share your thoughts with me .12 -
After 8 days sleeping 1 to 3 hours a night and not eating, today I slept 12h straight...
Oh man, I feel another... Even the electricity behind my eyes stopped. Me happy -
Soooo might turn into the lead developer of the web services of 2 fucking schools with the manpower of 2 for which one of us ain't even a developer all because HR put my lead developer in the hospital and he might be so fucking fed up that he may not come back to work.
Fuck
Human
Resources
Holy fuck man.....I was already a lead mobile developer before and i fucking hated every minute of it and the pay raise ain't even gonna be worth it for the ammount of shit that i am going to be required to do.
Fuck this, fingers crossed man I really want my boy to come back cuz I don't wanna deal with this bullshit.
I seriously never thought i would be in this position and by heavens i have been in some shit before.
Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
Fingers crossed my boy gets better man fr.7 -
Oh man don't you just LOVE the weekend? I have no fucking idea but I have so much energy and motivation now... I might even try to pull a all nighter on my personal project !
Anyway have a nice weekend everyone! 😁1 -
Girlfriend to Siri: Set my alarm to 05:30
Siri (with the man voice): ok, I have set your alarm to 05:03
Girlfriend (absolutely satisfied): Ok but I don't want this
*manually turns wrong alarm off and the correct one on* -
My favorite command of day is 😂
rm -rf {foo}/{bar}
Reference if you don't know what happened today:
http://independent.co.uk/life-style...2 -
Oh really? I don't even have Java on my LinkedIn/CV, what the hell man? These freaking automated email are starting to piss me off!
Recruiters are the worst cancer in the modern job hunting
4 -
`This is not over......................Young man...`
Is what I say to my IDE everyday before heading home1 -
Last year I had to program most of my projects in Python. I like the language, don't get me wrong. But man oh man if you indent your line of code one too many fucking times, it can be such a pain in the ass to find your error...
Even if it may clutter your code (not in my opinion), that's why I love them curly brackets and languages which use them <39 -
[Me]: Walking past a building, looks like an office building. *Light bulb*
[Me]: looks towards the nearest monitor Python terminal is open. Screams out loud "My man!" -
We're a data science company. We do medical research. We have patented results.
My manager describes half of our code base as on par with a random number generator. At least 1 part of our pipeline overfits random data with 99.9% accuracy.
My manager is a wise man.3 -
Here's my flow:
1. Sit at my desk and contemplate the Universe
2. Sort out specifics by pacing back and forward
3. Draw like a mad man
4. Copy an old project and change a few lines of code
5. Go home happy that the Universe is safe once again
;)2 -
Been working from 8 am til 7:30 pm, no breaks. Programming is awesome, fun and feels good in my brain (addictive ^^). But man its good to be home and do nothing. ~ sweet ~2
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Twenty years ago today (I double-checked) my father bought me the Liberty Basic compiler for my 8th birthday, marking what I consider my first foray into programming.
Thanks to that, I'm a tired and moderately happy 50 year old man.
Happy birthday, hobby from hell. :)4 -
I would like to share my son's best joke so far.
Knock knock
Who's there?
The tower in France.
The tower in France who?
The tower in France, there's a man on top... it's Doctor who... Ooeeooo3 -
!rant
I fuckin love technology man.
Whenever I'm walking up to my apartment I can turn my lights, tv and Xbox on AND even have the game I want to play loaded up before I unlock the door.18 -
My laptop is in a coma, it won't turn on!
Now I don't have anything to do with my life, it's been 2 days and I feel like a stone age man9 -
Friend: can you take a look at my code, there’s this bug that I’m having trouble with.
Me: yea sure.
Friend shows me IntelliJ with the default white theme...
Me: WTF man, my eyes are burning.
Never looking at his code again. At least until he changes to a dark theme.3 -
Siting on my balcony, watching the lights of our capital's downtown across the gulf. Life is good...
Man I love Sundays sometimes3 -
When my senior told me his program is kill because not enough processing unit in our 1080Ti.
Man, your Linux runs way more than 8 processes, and you only have two processes that runs with CUDA... -
Friend : Hey man lets watch world cup at 5.
Me: Sure why not, we will have a great time
Me: Leaves office early tho having bugs to fix
Me: starts watching the game at frds place slowly pulls up my pc
Frnd: Are you even watching the gamean, it was a goal now , did u see that , come on man
Me: ohh yeahhh goallll, goes back to vim
Game ends and he switches off the tv and stares at me for 20 mins,
Me: what hpnd man did the lights go off?4 -
Hey buddy pal mate, yeah, i get it, you a good frontend dude but if your page lags on my phone, im gonna just close it and never open it again, so dont you fucking use every possible overhead framework known to man.
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I feel like an old man when I hear the Safari rants.
"In my day we had to support IE 6... and we liked it!"4 -
I start my first mid level dev job tomorrow after securing a job on a 10k pay increase. Feels good man,my junior days are over ^=^2
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So, spent half a night setting up Travis CI. Just couldn't understand how CI will improve productivity...? But man when it worked... I wondered why I did not do it early... It even sends notification to my Slack channel...!!3
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My business partner and I started working at our new office and this other guy who was our client and provided us Internet connection for very cheap price, asked us if he can come and hangout sometimes
My partner : yeah man, any time !!
That guy : thanks man
Partner : But only when we are not that busy and don't bring any other person unless it's a woman.
Me : what !!
My partner : what ?4 -
1 day ago my wife's father died, I'd like to do checkout on this repo called life, but we can't, I loved that man as my father, I have to be strong to keep my wife strong, I cry when I'm not in home. Code it's like my beer. Cheers!
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So... The scrapyard man who I gave my scrap gave me this beauties he had there for years...
Anyone knows how I can test the screens and maybe build a desktop screen out of them?
17 -
Sometimes being a developer in Venezuela it's like turning up the difficulty level to ULTRA HARD. Imagine being in lockdown and having 9-12 hours long power outages. Like, man just let me work on my project2
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That time after you changed to Linux and you really need windows...
Trying to root my new server :( Don't know why can only use USB1 on my VirtualBox VM... Fuck man26 -
One will seldom hear me completely shit about a piece of technology.
But my time has come to do it again:
Fuck RedHat man. Like, really, fuck you. Fedora is fine. Centos is fine. Fuck red hat.
That is all. Thank you.5 -
Me and my Jewish friend were eating lunch and I farted. He got mad so I said "cmon man a little gas never killed anyone".13
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While waiting for the subway to go to work i was checking my emails on my phone, an old man approched "u young people are only using those phones for facebook and useless stuff , find yourself a job and blablabla.. " how can i tell him i'm a mobile developer ... :/2
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In my early days I thought "fallback" is a bad thing like, hey no wait I don't want my function to fall back! I want it to move forward, man!!!1
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Man, am I glad my company pays for Excel. It is truly worth the hassle of it not working half the time.
13 -
I'm in an open space
Since there are new people, they are formed so people are talking. So I put my headphones with noise reduction.
But I'm with a team that communicates too, so my music shouldn't be too loud.
Man it's hard finding the good balance in the volume.1 -
I just spent 4 hours troubleshooting 2 pcs, neither of them working yet. I'm way too tired, and I'm not even sure what I'm saying is correct English but I don't care. Man, fuck my life. I just wanna go to bed, but my brain doesn't think that's a good idea1
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Just had a big breakthrough on my personal project, solved a problem I've been working on and off on for the past year or two.
Feels good man! No other way I'd want to be spending my Friday night :)
Anyone else get that good feeling from solving a hard problem you're stuck on?4 -
Oh man, I found the names for the different number bases past 36! I should expand my base converter!
That doesn’t... look right...
Ah, because these ones require the use of encoding algorithms.
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE -
Walking in a shop. Using my react native todo app with redux i made for personal product. Feels good man2
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To be honest, the majority of my work is just man and grep, and these two things already somehow make me better than the vast majority of my colleagues. Impostor syndrome doesn't think so though.7
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I haven't killed a process in a long time so I typed, "man kill".
Why do I feel so triggered right now?3 -
Rant
Wtf are you taking man?
You’re supposed to be an experienced engineer but what the fuck are you doing leaking null pointer exceptions everywhere you go?
Just 1 more month. Good thing my manager isn’t renewing your contract.
Fuck!!!! -
Considering applying to a regular administrative job, where I can use just 1% of my dev skills in BAT files, Excel macros, browser automation with Selenium, and people will be like "oh man, you are like a hacker!!!"1
-
I really wanna get into making Reddit bots but man, OAauth2 is really turning my head into a pretzel :(
anyone know a good tutorial?4 -
At a time in my life where I am turned down for minimum wage part time jobs but am expected to go for a graduate role that pays more money than I've ever known.
Weird times, man. Weird times.1 -
So me and my team created an android application for "pet lost and found " . So one of my friend decided to troll us..
Bro you better don't do this is the production man... Hahahaha
2 -
Today I'm deleting my GitHub account and all my projects and I'm going to live with Vegan Gains man. Wish me luck!4
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Used to Google all my `man` pages... Don't really know why. Formatting maybe. Then I typed `man date`... I use `man` for my `man` pages now.3
-
My boss is the king of creating ambiguous/generic trello cards and misinterpreting obvious client emails.
What the fuck man? Get your shit together!!2 -
I replaced every sound effect on my Linux distro with its Windows XP equivalent. Man that instant nostalgia/euphoria I get when starting up my pc!2
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No performance bonus was mentioned in my contract but hey they gave me one anyway... Man I love working here1
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Man .. sitting for hours ,staring at computer screen is damn tyring.
I'm having concerns about my health already ,I wonder how people in the industry manage it.
And yeah ,my back aches so bad😭😭13 -
Just received these hard drive enclosures that I ordered from alibaba.
I am a happy man. Lol suddenly I feel the need to "backup my other backups" 😁😁
2 -
I think my client have a gift, he always know exactly where not to go or not to click...
Man, let me show you the prototype with peace !1 -
Trying to gut a Power Mac G5 is the most frustrating thing I have ever done in my entire life. There are screws so deep and in such small holes that even Ant Man couldn't get in there
-
So i've just learned C# and started learning how to use it in unity. And one of my friends asked me if I could help him with an error he couldn't understand, and I said sure (Why didn't he search up what the error meant?). I look at the syntax. This is ruby code, come on man I said i know about C# I don't know anything about ruby man.6
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My old man used to say there are two hard problems in Computer Science: cache invalidation and naming things. :D5
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Another anectode from my apprenticeship:
Boss comes into the office, looks at my screen: „So Mr Possum, writing scripts again? Process some customer orders instead.“
My Screen: html in notepad++ (as I was also responsible for the company website)
Me: */ wtf man? */ Alright sir.1 -
I am bored with what I m doing at my office.. I am solving only bugs.. and nobody is ready to assign me good work 😒.. fk man1
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Today, i finally got my desired job as Android developer in a startup, earlier i was working as a php developer to pay my bills. I told my pm about me quitting this week and man he congrts me from getting out this shitty job.
Now m just waiting for my salary before i quit. -
My bash history today:
man column
🤦♂️ I suppose if the wife is curious about what I do all day, she’s likely not going to search my terminal history 😂3 -
So today my colleague said "Nu ska jag söka på en sak jag aldrig trodde att jag skulle. Hur man uppdaterar Edge'."
So that was funny.7 -
man... tons of people are on the bootstrap train here.. I'd only use that if I wanted to double the size of my codebase and get 0 value out of it.5
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TFW you are finally making progress on a project... and a ticket comes in. Ok, just knock that out... intern needs help. Ok, real quick, I'll help my man out... boss wants to discuss a new project. Ok... what was I working on?
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Man using Android Studio is a love and hate situation for robotics, just hoping that it will work before competition even though half of the team is riding up my ass about everything just to make the bot work😤
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I'm estimating the cost for a data migration from CA Clipper based system.
I've got to meet the original developer: the most energetic 79 yo man I've ever met - I honestly wish he was my grandfather4 -
Man, it's hard getting a job in a field you have little to no experience in.. in my case: front-end.
I hate back-end..9 -
!rant
Man, I thought this low temperature screen on my Mi A1 was a gimmick. But it's great! 💯 satisfied. -
My problem with referring to my github:
I just found a project from almost two years ago where I exclusively use unordered arrays of key/value pairs as dictionaries.
Man, fuck previous me.1 -
Very old vsauce is my grandpa. He comes to me to solve a crime of a man that made 1850000 html links by hand1
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A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, *"But how'd you know?"**
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."1 -
Just found out about ElectronJS.
Man! My frontend will be so much more good looking compared to my previous experiences with Desktop Apps with tkinter (in Python) or swing, awt (in Java)
... Wondering if it has any DISadvantages over the latter ones 🤔8 -
is there any way to reset my avatar to be blank? i wish to not be perceived.
but if i have to, i will be a silly mohawk man5 -
!devRant (tis a rant but not a dev-rant)
My main man is mad! 2 hour flight delay and missing the connecting flight. Guess we'll have to stay in Atlanta!
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My dumb effin ass signed a contract as a service provider.
I can't just change jobs now.
In that sense, it's better to be an employee rather than a contractor/freelance.
Should have read it man1 -
Every religion's idea of heII paIes in comparison to what one man can do to another man. “If there is a God, He will have to beg for my forgiveness.” This is a quote etched on the wall, inside one of the Mauthausen concentration camp cells.5
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Yesterday at work (where 2 of my bosses hate me...) I met a man named James Bond.
But I know Gates could take him down cause he's got the NSA on his side...1 -
I thought it would be nice of me to take my fellow Developers for lunch. One of them is total bitch. She ate almost all my fries that I ordered. She ordered Chicken Chopsuey and was not able to that much because had to much fries.
Fuck man!6 -
I find myself to be a simple man
A man who likes his Porto in large quantity rather than in dainty "my life has been good of late" ones.
A man who believes that Python code should have All its variables and parameters typed
A man who thinks people who write long requirements for programmer jobs do they can not hire people who need work should be shot
My friends a man who loves a pretty woman in one hand and an inscribed big ass gun pointing in harms way in the other but would much rather have stayed home in bed with the pretty woman all day.
Yes indeed a man who would rather have stayed home in bed and awoken to drink and fall back asleep 2 days a week.
Indeed a man of the people.
That's what kind of man stands before you.
Anyway
It was a fond memory when I was younger and more handsome to hear someone else day they were just looking at my face but of course they always had some scary meaning occluding some danger out of sight.
I just like being happy
What's so wrong with that ?
Meanwhile I am so simple I suppose I don't understand this seeming endless war on comfort progress and goodness being waged
It's like it takes more effort to achieve this level of suck than it does to make everything better4 -
So actually on the note of my last rant. What music does everyone code to? I code to EDM, JPop, Vocaloid, old video game battle themes and Heavy Metal.
One Punch Man opening is a favorite when deadlines draw near.9 -
My watch gives me periodic reminders to stand up.
I just so happened to be on the crapper at the time. I had just come to the conclusion of my business and before I could, it reminded me to stand up.
For a split second, I was like, man this thing really is living my life for me.1 -
Anyone know any good beginner-friendly open source projects? I really love open source stuff and would love to contribute, but I tried taking a quick look at a few of the GNOME apps and man.....that seems a bit above my level.2
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There is a subreddit called “Thomas the Plank Engine”, where people share memes from their dreams.
This is my entry. The second pic is supposed to be a man crying in the bed with their phone, but that's the best pic I've found.
4 -
So my phones camera's are fucked, was working on my games camera system last night and was ranting to my partner that none of it was working but it should be... Her response was 'You're not having much luck with camera's are you?"...
That cuts deep man... -
Today I have no jeans that fit me.. on my way to town in joggers to buy some jeans.. I'm gonna be late babey!! Oh and fucking code man, am I right?!1
-
Started when I was 11 or so. An intro to robotics course at my school, we learned to program BOEBots (ya know, those little robots with wheels and a breadboard) in BASIC. Man they were fun!
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|----------------------------------------------------|
| FALSE(1) User Commands |
| |
| NAME |
| false - do nothing, unsuccessfully |
|----------------------------------------------------|
My daily activity summed up in a linux command man page. -
In the interest of honesty - I'm much fatter than my avatar portrays. My avatar is quite literally half the man I am. #AspirationalAvatar1
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Making meetings productive ?
Dunno man i can just put a card with: "We dont have the resources for this !" in my place during any meeting and it's going to be awsome . -
My new boss just asked me why I, a grown man had a minion figure at my desk. I told him it was Bob and it's from where they found their new master or boss - so since I just found my new boss it made sense right?
- Now I'm not sure if he thinks I'm a freak or funny.3 -
!rant
Y'all ever heard of the Clingo language for Answer Set Programming? Fucking concept is blowing my mind. Taking a class on KRR(my graduate degree is all about A.I) and this shit is beyond interesting man.2 -
@-red thanks for the ++ bomb man <3
Thank goodness I don't have notifs enabled for devrant, or my phone would be dead already :D1 -
Managed to finish my rewrite of my Minecraft mod. Man was my code terrible 2 years ago.
For anyone interested in knowing what mod.... it's a silly mod called Meme In A Bottle, It was my entrance to MC modding. -
Went to my friends house and he had a new Amstrad CPC464, with ’Oh Mummy’, a Pac-Man close with better music.
Fell in love with computers from the moment I saw it and bought a Spectrum 128k+2 not long after. -
**in police station**
Officer: What happened?
My friend : He punched me, sir! This man has broken my jaw!
O : Why did you punched your friend?
Me : He asked about my love life sir.
O : So?
Me : that's a kitbag question.
O : wha-?
Me :
1 -
Wow man, them shoulders look broad asf, started working out?
Nah, just started carrying my laptop to work.. -
Oh man, once again wasted a weekend trying to install Gentoo, without succeeding.
Pretty much everything works, except my fucking Touchpad.1 -
Oh yeah, I'm totally an "alpha" male, which means I don't know jack shit about the real world but act like I do, because see, I AM A MAN. Men are "biologically configured" to hunt and establish dominance over these pussies called "Beta males".
It means I got no personality so I spend almost all my time in the gym. Who needs friends when you got muscles am I right?
It means everyone hates me but I don't show that it hurts deep inside. I have deluded myself into believing that as A MAN, I have to create my value in society.
That object you call your wife? Pfftt.. She should be in the kitchen all of the time, because what else women are good for anyway? Oh yeah, SEX. A woman is bound to provide pleasure to her man and her man only. Why would you let her leave the house?25 -
I enjoy learning and improving my skills, but I do not enjoy the being wrong part of learning. I understand learning from mistakes is a big part of improving, but man being wrong constantly is exhausting.
-
Just turned on a client's computer and am shocked that they keep their logins straight. Basically there are two logins, but one says "$USER1's Girl" and the other says "$USER2's Man."
If I were them, I would be clicking on the one with my name, not looking for my SO's name...3 -
Starting new job on the Isle of Man 🇮🇲!
- Prove to myself that I can make it on my own merits.
Impostor syndrome is real.4 -
Some people try to talk by changing their accent to look cool.
And my mind every time is like - man stop that and try to change your mindset first.1 -
Man I love django so far, but django.forms module is such a pain in the ass sometimes, why can't you be more intuitive? I think I'm gonna make my forms in HTML this time and process data with a function based view1
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I have done nothing but code all weekend. I didnt come far, but man is my code running smooth. YET. Im making a game in gamemaker.
-
I frequently get asked form my friends, why I play COD over PUBG.
PUBG is slow ass game.
Also Playing TPP is fucking cheating. be a man play FPP.5 -
Someone told me I needed to get my terms straight and that Angular 1.5 is 'Angular js' and that Angular 2 is 'Angular.' I wonder when they decided that? An hour ago? Man, I'm so behind the times.4
-
Man this heat. Everytime I push space bar a new trickle of sweat falls into my eyelashes and causes everything to look like a video game kill cam after a tab of LSD.2
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Aaaaw, man, feels good writing some macros!
129 loc turned 30 😱
---
and when I keep it all primitives I get instant feedback on what the fuck my code really looks like2 -
Well was my last day at my old school for this contract and I already miss being there...
Fuck 3 week contracts man. -
Look, dude, I'm a busy man. Can you please not waste 15 minutes of my FUCKING time on your misunderstanding of code I FUCKING wrote? Code I wrote, apparently wrong, based on your SHITTY naming?
Christ alive, stop getting in my god damn way. -
Man.. if only switching to a new Windows PC was as easy as changing Android phones. Having to reconfigure all my Dev tools is such a pain in the ass!1
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Ooh man, the last month I been working all day in my home PC.. and I realized how much I have problem with the noise from the fans and everything. I truly believe programming need complete silence to be productive... #soundproofeverything4
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Reinstalled my laptop from a hacked-together Ubuntu server install with i3wm and some other junk to a plain Ubuntu 18.04 install.
Man, I love this Gnome shell so much...
It's really nice when you have a small screen... -
Linux seems to be single man because whenever I enter women in terminal it says "women not found" and when I ask
man java
He answers my question. :D -
Fuck its le craxy bean man monster fuck dude shit fuck my pants i mean pls no but go away bwan man monster bubbbbbbs dsmdlkdbs :'(((((((((-(((-(-(-(-(-?-?-?
peace *@* -
My colleague sent me this gem xD I LOLed so hard
https://unix.stackexchange.com/ques...1 -
Me and my Jewish friend were eating lunch and I farted. He got mad so I said "cmon man a little gas never killed anyone".
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devRant please hear me out. Why use this ":/" instead of this ":)" or this ":D" or, I don't know, some shit like this ":P" maybe. Don't overwrite my feelings man, I love and enjoy coding!
8 -
Finally got around to migrating my two servers after Scaleway and Aruba raised their prices... man these migrations are a pain in the ass.
And I *still* have not finished migrating the docker containers, because that piece of trash still eludes me.
Maybe it's my depression speaking, but this shit is exhausting2
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