Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
-
So this just happened:
Sarah = best friend (random name)
Sister: Hey, could you help, sarah's phone isn't recognized by her computer anymore.
Me: What phone/pc does she have?
Sister: iPhone/Windows.
Me: Has she checked the drivers?
Sister: *tells to check drivers, feedback:* yes, seems to be fine.
Me: *comes up with 1000 other suggestions*
Sister: *doesn't work every time*
Me: Is there any other information that might be useful in this case?
Sister: Well, she dropped her phone in the water earlier, the phone is hardly responding.
Me: THE WAT? AND YOU DIDN'T THINK THIS WOULD BE WORTH MENTIONING IN THE BEGINNING?!? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.15 -
Anyone else used Stack Overflow for many years without ever asking or answering a single question?21
-
Me: *hours of coding, develops a feature*
Code: I'm working..
Me: Oh good.. will monitor you for sometime.
Code: Ok, I'm done. I'll stop working now.
Me: WTF
Me: *sits for hours to solve bugs*
And when almost done,
VPN: Someone's having a good day, I'll disconnect you now.
Me: WTF
Me: *tries switching on/off VPN couple of times..*
When it starts to connect,
WIFI: Oh wait!! It's my turn to bid goodbye now. Have a nice day sir
Me: Of course !! The wifi
Me: *restarts router/ troubleshoot etc*
When wifi says connected...
Battery: Good job with wifi.. I'm down now..what you gonna do?
Me: Are you fucking kidding me???
Me: *connects charger, wait for laptop to switch on*
Windows: Updating....
Me: *jumps out window*13 -
Just sharing the best error message I ever got. Sometimes the application is just as confused as you are...
9 -
I made a script for this group to verify their data, but they didn't want to use it because it's "only 50 lines of code and might miss something".2
-
I have decided to never write commits.
I will never write documentation.
I will write my code in the most confusing way possible.
I will include useless code.
I will always git commit with the message "asdfghjkl" or "HAHA LOLZ I DONT NOW WAT I WOROTEEE"
I will work at Apple.
I am xenophobic.
I will leave the company right before we push to production.
I will make so many friends.11 -
My sister in law got me this guy for Christmas after I told her about devrant!
She found it in a rubber duck shop in Amsterdam.
Best sister in law!
11 -
Oh glorious JavaScript !
Source : https://destroyallsoftware.com/talk...
11 -
so I called dell to ask a question about a laptop. after navigating their anoying automated system, I get a guy who can barely speak english. I ask my question which he didnt understand until I asked 4 more times. he finally understands and says "please hold on while I search. 10 minutes go by and I ask if he's still there. he says "yes, hold on" I finally ask how his search is going after another 5 minutes. he says "I couldn't find anything on google regarding your question... really dude!?!? I already searched google and came up with nothing helpfull. you're Dell and this is a Dell product. know your shit!7
-
only developer with linux. everyone else are on windows.
constantly finding myself in following conversation
me : "something is not working for me on the web page i am writing"
jim : "let me see just a.... WOW! WHAT IS THIS?"
me:"ubuntu"
jim:"wat?"
me:"linux"
jim:"well... " +sigh + "that's your problem right there! this works to everyone else. and they're on windows. why would you ever not use windows?"
me:"have you ever tried anythig else?"
jim:"never needed to. windows works just fine.."
me:"well... does your computer ever freeze?"
jim:"constantly"
me:"that doesn't happen on ubuntu. at least it is quite rare"
jim:"nah... you're mistaken. windows rocks! anyway, you should probably talk to someone who knows ubuntu cause my chrome works just fine so it must be this ubuntu of yours.."14 -
During a random meeting for a project:
PM: We'll need you to learn Go for this project. It says you know python in your job skills, so it should be easy.
Me: Uh, hiiii. I'm in security, not development. Can't help you, I really shouldn't even be here.
PM: I think Go has security built-in, does that help?
Me: ... I don't know, you need a developer.
PM: Do you know any Go people?
Me: I think that's something you should know.
- Silence enters the room -
PM: Yes perhaps, but you don't know anyone?
Fucking wat?8 -
A common scenario strikes again today:
- Blocked on a problem at the end of the day
- Tell my wife I'm headed home
- Inspiration strikes
- time flies by coding in the zone
- realize I'm super late
- run out the door like a crazy person1 -
My mentor is a GOD. He's a workaholic. He knows everything. The only fucking thing he doesn't know is that his MENTEES ARE NOT HIS FUCKING SLAVES.3
-
tl;dr @Root refactors some spaghetti.
I'm refactoring an api that creates a support message. It's a post route.
When seeing a magic hardcoded message string, this route instead updates the user object, and does not create a support message.
It also returns different results if the user is muted (fine) or if saving the message succeeds or fails (fine).
But if the user is creating a duplicate message, it doesn't save the message (fine) and... redirects to listing their messages instead? Wat?
Also, when refactoring this (migrating to a new message backend), I discovered that not all routes return a response. If the message is a non-duplicate, from a non-muted player, from a non-redacted client, the route doesn't respond at all!
So, I'm having fun cleaning this up. I actually am. Except I'll need to support all of the legacy clients for the next lifetime or two. I mean, really. There are still people with Android v2 devices who are using this thing. not even kidding.9 -
Night before flying internationally includes the following checklist:
- check VPN works, can access frontend sites and hit the backend
- git push4 -
This morning I kept falling back asleep after the alarm went off, drifting in and out of a dream about programming.
My wife finally said "no more sleeping".
Still mostly sleep, I replied very confidently "you can't sleep in a sandbox!".
I was dreaming I was in a code sandbox. Obviously sleeping is not allowed.
Jeez, my head has been really full of programming since this conference. (One of the talks was on codesandbox). -
Summary: Burnout, and everything's broken.
I don't feel like doing a damn thing today. I look at the code and cringe. I look at Slack and think "ugh. i can't." Mental capitals are even too much work.
(I've started reading "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" to try and combat burnout. I'll write a rant/story about it here if I find it helpful. but all I want to do today is drink tea and read.)
But onto the story:
Heroku is deprecating support for and will automatically upgrade any old verisons of Postgres running on its platform after August something (like five days from now).
I performed the upgrade to PG10 on Sunday (and late into the night), provisioning a new follower, blah blah blah.
However, the version of Rails we're using (4.2.x) doesn't support PG10 sequences, so I manually added in support via a monkeypatch. I did this on our QA servers first, obviously, and everything worked as expected. After half a day of no issues, I did the same on production, and again: everything worked as expected.
But today? I keep hearing about new things that are broken. One specific type of alert doesn't work for one specific person (wat). Can't send [redacted] at all. Can't update merchants! Yet there are magically no errors logged.
That last one (well, two) are just great; let me explain: when there's an error concerning merchants, the error gets caught, isn't logged or recorded anywhere so it just disappears, and the rescue block triggers a json response instead and happily exits. This is for an internal admin tool, so returning a user-friendly error is kinda stupid anyway, but masking what actually happened? fuck that dev with an obelisk made from spikes and solidified pain. That json response is also lovely: it's a 200 OK returning {status: 1, data: "[generic message containing incorrect IT jargon]"}. Doesn't even say "error" anywhere. Bloody everything about this pattern is absolutely wrong. Even the friggin' text.
Fucking hell. I want to pipe the entire codebase into shred and walk out the door.
But I digress. So many things are broken, my motivation is wanning to a sliver, and I have a conference call today where I'll undoubtedly be asked why everything is on smoking and/or on fire, and my huge and overly productive week last week will ofc mean nothing by contrast.
Ugh.
`shred ~/dev/work -zfu -n 32 &; ./brew tea --hot && wine ~/takeabreak.exe`21 -
It's only day one of the year and I'm already pissed right off
Why the fuck do all clients expect you to come up with absolutely everything!?
All I ever get is we want a website. I ask well what do you want on it.. our products .. news? Contact maybe ... Urm our business information ... That kind of stuff.
Well what are they?
Pft.. I here is a name if our products. And other stuff
WE ARE SELLING IT WAT ARE THE PRICES AND INFORMATION DO YOU HAVE IMAGES
Yeah do you want them
Of course I do 😐
Great here's 2 of them we have 1100 so I'll get more to you soon.
😤 Thank you!
Holy shit it's always like talking to a fucking brick wall.. why do people have to make our jobs so hard it's already fucking tough
I have no time to plan your entire website by myself I don't know what you want on it. How could I possibly know that!? It's your fucking site10 -
I am running a small - but growing - ceph-cluster at work. Since it is fun and our storage demand is growing each day.
Today, it was time to bring another node online and add another 12TB to the cluster.
Installation of the OS went fine, network settings fine, drives looks fine.
Now, time to add it into the cluster.... BAM
Every Dell machine in the Cluster - Dead.
The two HP-machines is online and running. But the Dell-machines just died.
WAT!?19 -
Let me tell you a story.
Our company has a homegrown monitoring solution. Keeps track of our deployments and alerts us when something is broken. Really nice for the most part, except a little issue where we get up to 25 alerts PER DAY that our PRODUCTION ENVIRONMENT IS DOWN. Including weekends.
With this many false positives, we quickly learn to ignore the alerts and miss real incidents.
So we approached this team, remember its our own tool, and told them about the problem. Turns out it is a known issue. And here's the kicker: they aren't planning on fixing it!
It gets better. Rather than fix this glaring issue, their solution is to make ANOTHER ALERT that lets us know the monitoring is misbehaving.
To recap, we can now expect to get up to 25 false positive alerts per day that our production is down, followed immediately by more alerts that the monitor is broken, which means we can ignore the previous alert.
As our PM said when he heard this: fuck that noise. We are escalating the shit out of this!7 -
I'm such an idiot.
Spilled water on my MacBook today. Not that much water, but the cup landed right in the middle of my keyboard.
Worst part is I was gaming with my sister and didn't want to stop. So I wiped it off and shook it out a bit and kept playing. A bit later the screen started flickering and eventually went black.
Finally my brain turned on and I switched it off, shook out some more water, and set it up to dry. Just hoping it's not too late.
At least the drying setup recommended by the internet is pretty hilarious looking.
Now we play the waiting game. They say 72 hours before turning it on again. Seems a bit extreme. Will there still be moisture evaporating 3 days later? Not sure I can wait that long to see if it's toast.
Such an idiot.
14 -
*spends a long time crafting a huge eBay post (we're moving)
* tries to drag and drop first picture
* page navigates to the picture without warning
* loses everything
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
WHEN DRAGGING A PICTURE INTO A WEB PAGE I NEVER WANT TO NAVIGATE TO A PAGE WITH JUST THAT IMAGE. WHY NO WARNING BEFORE LEAVING THE PAGE. WHY DON'T YOU SAVE TEXT LOCALLY. WHY DOES THE WEB SUCK SO HARD. AAAGGGHHHH.
* feels better
* starts over7 -
Netflix, why is your loading spinner so horrible!
Do you know what a percentage is??? 99% means you are ALMOST done. Just a tiny fraction to go. I should not see 99% for seconds or even minutes on end. Much less after the first 98% took only a couple seconds!!
Stop the lies!!!5 -
"Lockheed Martin Will Replace F-35's Faulty Computer System With Cloud-Based Programs"
WAT
So apparently those jets have such a fucked software that the recommended workaround is to use them offline and only reconnect them once every 30 days to keep the system running. It's so bad that two air force bases went back to an older system and the Israeli air force also replaced it for their own F-35 jets.
And somehow those stable geniuses think the correct solution is to make everything more network-dependent and apparently already put Kubernetes on a different line of jets.
I just can't stop laughing.12 -
My new fitbit reminds me take 250 steps each hour. When I do stop and take a walk, I find it helps my productivity, and I feel better. However, I'm not good at keeping to it.
It's always the same story.
"Quiet you, I'll get up and walk once I finish this one thing".
...
Another hour goes by.
If only I could keep to my own convictions.4 -
I spent more than an hour trying trying to debug why two functions were always returning undefined. I even put in conditional breakpoints and executed the statements to confirm the logic was correct.
I forgot return.4 -
I am part of a team running a rather big Discord bot. One day last year late in October some dude tried to tell us that he and his "team" had breached our infrastructure. I noticed he was full of shit and started trolling him back, and actually putting him under pressure to develop a solution for us, pretending to want to pay them for it. At the end, our bold hero ended up "losing their job" AND "their house burning down" to get out of it again, lol wat.
The whole resulting conversation is available as a set of screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/vczyX
Enjoy!4 -
I think my productivity at work seriously went up when I discovered this site with custom noise generators. Blocks out my coworkers, and I can pretend it's raining all the time. Perfect for coding!
http://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/...2 -
Didn't know the new hype operating system "others", but with 704% market share it's gotta be amazing!
1 -
Why yes, it makes total sense for a variable called `$connectionString` to only accept either booleans or integers ... wat
Also beware the beauty on how well that names conveys the variable's intent.
FML
3 -
Had no internet for hours.
Called the support.
"We will fix it!" they said and they actually did. So maybe there are competent people working there as well???
No. Of course not.
Two hours later I receive a call from them. "It was not our fault. There was an update so we had to plug the cables back into the right ports."
Software update
Physical connections
Wat5 -
Coding has given me the ability to turn my favorite hobby into a career. This in turn gave me the chance to take jobs in three countries so far (US, Germany, UK). So, I can explore the world with lovely wife while doing something I'm really passionate about and constantly learning. It also allows me to relate more to my dad, a software engineer of about 30 years who got me started when I was a kid.
In short, coding changed everything for me.
PS: I met my wife in intro to CS, though she's not a developer. -
sooooooooo for my current graduate class we were to use the MVC pattern to build an IOS application(they preferred it if we did an IOS application) or if you didn't have an Apple computer: an Android application.
The thing is, they specified to use Java, while in their lectures and demos they made a lot of points for other technologies, hybrid technologies, such as React Cordova, all that shit, they even mentioned React Native and more. But not one single mention of Kotlin. Last time I tried my hand at Android development was way before Kotlin, it was actually my first major development job: Mobile development, for which we used Obj C on the IOS part and well, Java on the Android part.
As some of you might now, I rarely have something bad to say about a tech stack(except for VBA which I despise, but I digress) and I love and use Java at work. But the Android API has always seem unnecessarily complex for my taste, because of that, when I was working as a mobile development I dreaded every single minute in which I had to code for Android, Google had a great way to make people despise Java through their Android API. I am not saying it is shit, I am not saying it is bad, I just-dont-like-it.
Kotlin, proves a superior choice in my humble opinion for Android development, and because the language is for retards, it was fairly easy for me to pick it up in about 2 hours. I was already redesigning some of my largest Spring applications using half the code and implemented about 80% of the application's functionality in less than 3 hours(login, fragment manipulation, permissions, bla bla) and by that time I started to wonder if the app built on Kotlin would be ok. And why not? If they specifically mentioned and demonstrated examples using Swift, then surely Kotlin would be fine no? Between Kotlin and Java it is easy to see that kotlin is more similar to Swift than Java. So I sent an email. Their response: "I am sorry, but we would much rather you stick with the official implementations for Android, which in this case is Java for the development of the application"
I was like 0.o wat? So I replied back sending links and documentation where Google touted Kotlin as the new and preferred way to develop Android applications, not as a second class citizen of the platform, but as THE preferred stack. Same response.
Eventually one of the instructors reflected long enough on it to say that it was fine if I developed the application in Kotlin, but they advised me that since they already had grading criteria for the Java program I had to redo it in Java. It did not took me long really, once I was finished with the Kotlin application I basically rewrote only a couple of things into Java.
The end result? I think that for Android I still greatly prefer Kotlin. Even though I am not the biggest fan of Kotlin for anything else, or as my preferred language in the JVM.
I just.......wish....they would have said something along the lines of: "Nah fam please rewrite that shit for Java since we don't have grading criterias in place for Kotlin, sorry bruh, 10/10 gg tho" instead of them getting into an email battle with me concerning Kotlin being or not being the language to use in Android. It made me feel that they effectively had no clue what they were talking about and as such not really capable of taking care of students on a graduate level program.
Made me feel dirty.12 -
Took a bit of time, but yesterday I sent in my resignation letter, long and some wat detailed list of grievances against the guy running the project.
Gonna suck to leave the team, but working for that man was tantamount to torture.
He actually gave me a lecture on Monday for not forcing my team to work unesesarry over time, because he can do nothing but make changes. I was also trouble for not doing his job and not treating my team like shit, as he does. According to him, forced overtime, disrespect are just the way leadership is.8 -
"Write something that does something good, irrelevant what, in the next 30 mins"
Oh hell yeah
"In brainfuck. Maximum 35 characters."
FFS WAT9 -
So, I'm living in a completely computer illiterate family and I was called to help my father with something on a Laptop where he wanted to stream his favorite Soccer-Club.
So I walk up to him, ask what's wrong, and he says (roughly translated from German) "That thing doesn't work!"
And I'm just like ((Wat u mean))
So I ask him to explain the problem in detail.
Apparently his streaming service wasn't loading his stream.
Well damn I say, try searching for the problem on Google and find a solution.
((But no no no imma just call my son for everything that's freaking wrong with tech, he sure knows what to do))
As I'm not that experienced with Webservices as of yet, I had no idea what to do.
He was fucking furious!
"You always act like you know everything about tech and programs and stuff and can't even help me with fixing this Stream-Thing?!"
I responded simply by saying "It's not my area of work!"
Seems like he didn't know the difference between TECH-JESUS and hobbyist software engineer.
So I stand there and he just goes on one of these typical boomer tech illiterate rants, of which I'm sure you can imagine enough being on this platform.
tl;Dr; It pisses me of big time how people are not even trying to understand technology, nor attempting to help themselves by eG. Googling some simple problem, but rather just ask around and then being pissed off if the asked person just doesn't know the answer or can't help!5 -
When your company buys a third party solution and you spend all your time emailing them about bugs in their system.
Seriously, I even sent you the exact line of the bug in your JavaScript with a suggested solution, and deployed a new stack with your latest (broken) fix so you can test out that solution. Then you email back saying it is fixed but it is clearly still broken. If I email you a fixed version of your file will you deploy it? OMG!1 -
After being live multiple years supporting only Safari, Firefox, and Chrome, one customer wanted IE support. After taking a close look at the usage numbers, and discussing with us front-end devs, our product guy shot it down. Pop the champagne!2
-
The story of how I got my dream job.
I was working for a company with a job I got just after graduating university. It was ok, not very exciting tech but I learned a lot by just surrounding myself with professional code monkeys. I was there for about a year when my company bought parts of another company and there was talk about people getting fired. This made me worried since I was the last one to get hired, so I started looking around for other jobs. I received this e-mail from a company saying they were looking for interns, what a coincidence! I adjusted my CV and sent it in.
--A few weeks pass--
It's Friday and I'm at a dinner party, it's 10pm and someone is calling me. I pick up and it's a recruiter from this company. I get very nervous but the alcohol helps me keep my cool, I pass the initial idiot test and they invite me for an interview. Yay!
I go to work on Monday and in a 1-on-1 and I tell my boss about the upcoming interview, he gives me a high-five :)
The interview is approaching and I'm feeling that I'm about to get sick, I refuse to believe this so I start taking a lot of medicine (painkillers, cough medicine etc.). I feel a bit better and thank the gods for medication.
--D-day--
I wake up, put on my nicest clothes and get on the train. I had one hour to spare just in case, which was well needed because the fucking train is late by 30 minutes. I'm still heavily medicated because of my ongoing fever. When I arrive I basically have to run there and somehow I manage to pick up a coffee on the way there which I devour in two seconds. I'm ready for the interview!
Some guy meets me in reception and the first thing he says is "My colleague doesn't speak our language so we'll have to speak english". This is fine, I speak good english but I was not prepared for this so it caught me off-guard and made me even more nervous. We get in and start talking. Things are going OK despite my numbed brain. I try to make eye-contact to make a good impression with the foreign engineer but he keeps staring somewhere which is making me nervous.
We get to the technical part on a whiteboard and this is where my brain decides to stop communicating. I'm presented a simple task which I'm struggling with finishing, and I feel the embarrassment coming over me. "NOOOOO THIS IS MY DREAM JOB, THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!" I'm thinking to myself. After making myself look like a complete arsehole for some time we wrap it up and just before I step out the door I say to the engineer "You should checkout my Github page, I have lots of interesting stuff there" and he says "I'll be sure to do that" but I don't believe him.
I leave the office in fury (of myself) and make my way to the train station and even though it's the middle of the day I quickly devour two beers to calm my nerves and make me feel a bit better. I was so damn disappointed in myself, I wasted the opportunity of a lifetime! I go back home to my regular (now shitty) job.
--Two days later--
I get a call from an unknown number. I pick up the phone and it's the same recruiter guy. "So how did you think it went?" he says. "To be honest, I think it went really bad", I replied. "What? Really? Because they loved you, you got the job". (this was an obvious recruiter lie) "... wat, are you sure you called the correct person?" I said and he just laughed. The day after I quit my old job the whole department gets fired - such impeccable timing.
--A few months later--
I finish my internship and they want to keep me. I'm so happy. The engineer that was in the interview works on my team. I ask him "Why did you hire me? You know as well as I do that my interview was horrible". It turns out he _did_ look at my Github profile and that's how he knew I could write code. I also heard later that for my position there was about 2000 applicants and somehow I made the interviews.
I still work there today and I couldn't be happier (Sorry for the long text).3 -
Me: deployment exploded, the database has to be restored.
C: yeah, the latest backup we have is is from Q1 2016
Me: wat? We have almost weekly changes of the database layout, let alone the content.
C: yeah, you have to execute somewhat 60 sql files ... Have fun
* Sitting in a corner and staring apathecally at the wall*5 -
Terrible Dutch (!dev) tech pun I just came up with: (posted it earlier under the rant section but removed it due to that)
Wat moet een AMD CPU doen als'ie op vakantie gaat?
Ryzen.11 -
Look, I get that it's really tricky to assess whether someone is or isn't skilled going solely by their profile.
That's alright.
What isn't center of the cosmic rectum alright with the fucking buttsauce infested state of interviews is that you give me the most far fetched and convoluted nonsense to solve and then put me on a fucking timer.
And since there isn't a human being on the other side, I can't even ask for clarification nor walk them through my reasoning. No, eat shit you cunt juice swallowing mother fucker, anal annhilation on your whole family with a black cock stretching from Zimbabwe to Singapore, we don't care about this "reasoning" you speak of. Fuck that shit! We just hang out here, handing out tricks in the back alley and smoking opium with vietnamese prostitutes, up your fucking ass with reason.
Let me tell you something mister, I'm gonna shove a LITERAL TON of putrid gorilla SHIT down your whore mouth then cum all over your face and tits, let's see how you like THAT.
Cherry on top: by the time I began figuring out where my initial approach was wrong, it was too late. Get that? L'esprit d'escalier, bitch. I began to understand the problem AFTER the timer was up. I could solve it now, except it wouldn't do me any fucking good.
The problem? Locate the topmost 2x2 block inside a matrix whose values fall within a particular range. It's easy! But if you don't explain it properly, I have to sit down re-reading the description and think about what the actual fuck is this cancerous liquid queef that just got forcefully injected into my eyes.
But since I can't spend too much time trying to comperfukenhend this two dollar handjob of a task, which I'd rather swap for teabagging a hairy ass herpes testicle sack, there's rushing in to try and make sense of this shit as I type.
So I'm about 10 minutes down or so already, 35 to go. I finally decipher that I should get the XY coords of each element within the specified range, then we'll walk an array of those coordinates and check for adjacency. Easy! Done, and done.
Another 10 minutes down, all checks in place. TEST. Wait, wat? Where's the output? WHERE. THE FUCK. IS. THE OUTPUT?! BITCH GIMME AN ANSWER. I COUT'D THE RETURN AND CAN SEE THE TERMINAL BUT ITS NOT SHOWING ME ANYTHINGGG?! UUUGHHH FUCKKFKFKFKFKFKFKFUFUFUFFKFK (...)
Alright, we have about 20 minutes left to finish this motorsaw colonoscopy, and I can't see what my code is outputting so I'm walking through the code myself trying to figure out if this will work. Oh, look at that I have to MANUALLY click this fucking misaligned text that says "clear" in order for any new output to register. Lovely, 10/10 web design, I will violate your armpits with an octopus soaked in rabid bear piss.
Mmmh, looks like I got this wrong. Figures. I'm building the array of coordinates sequentially, as a one dimentional list, which is very inconvenient for finding adjacent elements. No problem, let's try and fix that aaaaaand... SHIT IM ALMOST OUT OF TIME.
QUICK LYEB, QUICK!! REMEMBER WHAT FISCELLA TAUGHT YOU, IN BETWEEN MOLESTING YOUR SOUL WITH 16-BIT I/O CONSOLE PROBLEMS, LIKE THAT BITCH SNOWFALL THING YOU HAD TO SOLVE FOR A FRIEND USING TURBO C ON A FUCKING TOASTER IN COMPUTER LAB! RUN MOTHERFUCKER RUN!!!
I'm SWEATING. HEAVILY. I'm STEAMING, NON-EROTICALLY. Less than 10 minutes left. I'm trying to correct the code I have, but I start making MORE dumbfuck mistakes because I'm in a hurry!
5 minutes left. As I hit this point of no return, I realize exactly where my initial reasoning went wrong, and how I could fix it, but I can't because I don't have enough time. Sadface.
So I hastily put together skeleton of the correct implementation, and as the clock is nearly up, I write a comment explaining the bits I can't get to write. Page up, top of file, type "the editor was shit LMAO" and comment it out. SUBMIT.
This violent tale of brain damaged badmouth schizoid baby versus badly worded code challenges was brought to you by ButtholeSuffers. Tired of taking low-quality viagra before engaging in unprotected anal sex? Then try ButtholeSuffers, the new way to strengthen your everday erections! You'll be as fucking HARD as a WALL!
Visit triple doble minus you dot triple doble YOU dot doble-u doble www dotbit lyshAdy wwwwww academy smashlikeachamp ai/professional/$$%$X$/0FD0EFF~ \*¨-`++ ifyouclickurstupid for for a FREE coupon to get MINUS NaN OFF on a close-encounter with an inter-continental dick, and use my promo code HOPONBITCH if you'd like it *RAMMED* --FAR-- and D E E P L Y.
(lel ad break should continue I'm cutting it shortt) [CENSORED] grants *physical* access to your pants! Big ups to Annihilate for sponsoring this mental breakdown.
Also hi ;>5 -
me: *starts receiving emails of clients having technical problems and errors and asking for help* wat, im being flooded with all these mails!
me: *sends email to boss* umm... i think im receiving the wrong mails...
boss: nope! from now on, you'll be in-charge of tech support for our clients. good luck and merry christmas!
me: *dies internally* happy holidays to u too5 -
Told my advisor that I was not interested in an additional position due to the massive workload I’m already carrying in my back. Lo and behold, I get a message from a colleague congratulating me on the extra position.
Wat?2 -
Microsoft.. MicrobrainedSoftware-devs.
SamsungCloud died out and was replaced with OneDrive automatically. Alright, my data is still backed up, so.. No biggie.
OneDrive was syncing my pics and videos automatically, even though media sync is disabled. Umm.. Okay?
My phone is constantly very low on free space [idk why], so I decided to clean up some old photos. I'm removing and removing, until I reach photos with a cloud and an arrow replacing their content. Hundreds of spoiled pics that do not open. And in info their path is /OneDrive/*. Umm.. Wat?
Open mydrive website, log in only to be greeted by a fully loaded onedrive webapp covered by a non-removable modal 'we have an app for this. Use app'. Wtf?? Just let me disable the modal and use the webapp!! Wtf!
Open onedrive app. I'm greeted with a red warning that I've exceeded my storage limits and my account is frozen and my files will be deleted in June '23. WTF????? A heads-up would be nice!!
The popup lists my options:
1. Unfreeze the account for 30days, but I can only do that once. If after 30d I'm still exceeding my limits, my acc will be again frozen w/o an easy way to unfreeze.
2. Once unfrozen [takes ~24hrs], I can either
2.1 pay 7€ to M$ monthly for 1TB of storage in onedrive
2.2 remove my files from OD and my phone [since even if media sync is disabled, OD app is still syncing my media]
what the actual fuck?!?!? M$ is now keeping hundreds of my photos on my phone hostage.
Go F* yourself!
11 -
Major state insurance provider, all past and current members data stored unencrypted (including SSN, date of birth, home address, etc.). All developers and contract developers had read access to it. Reported it, nothing was done. Reported it again in my exit interview. Was basically told they had intrusion detection systems in place so it was not an issue.4
-
When our company (past employer) got acquired by another company and everyone got to have a meeting where you got a black or blue envelope. One indicated you were being let go, the other indicated you were being offered an "opportunity" if you would relocate to NJ. What was an awesome company -- they destroyed the soul of it in one day.
Oh well their CEO got let go after a US Congressional investigation earlier this year. Karma, bitch! -
naiive idealism to the max:
medior+senior to junior: "hey, buddy, we need you to do this, here's the codebase, here's the button, here's what needs to happen when that button is clicked, here's the relevant files and classes, make it happen."
medior to senior: "so what you just said about how we should redo the whole order processing pipeline, na-ah, not possible. i've been in those parts of the code many times, and based on what i've seen, you either leave that thing mostly alone or nuke it from orbit and build a completely new module in its place, but these "medium adjustments" you're proposing... not feasible...
senior to medior: "okay, i've seen how slow your progress was on even the most basic-sounding bugs in those systems... looks like what you're saying makes sense."
senior to *EO: not possible to just do these changes with this budget and deadline, that wouldn't even cover the "unexpected bugs" overhead, either you let us do it properly as a new greenfield project, almost, or you're stuck with what we've got.
*EO: mmmkay, so that's 20 times more time and budget that is in the proposal?
senior: yup, something around those numbers.
*EO (with a pained but understanding expression) : go for it, imma explain to the rest of the EOs at the end-weeks's meeting.4 -
When you make a mistake and try to fix it, but you can't remember how to spell amend...
git commit --ammend
error: unknown command `amend'
git commit -ammend
[branch-name] mend
Huh?
git log
commit #
mend
Created a new commit with message 'mend'. Now to clean this all up and go get some sleep!2 -
(in 2008)
my boss in my first job. in general every time when he randomly burst into office. one specific time when he burst i to office and INSISTED that we've got to go to a parking lot to see something.
that something was a remote-controlled helicopter he just bought. (this was before the age of drones).
oh, and he was a chain smoker, always had a cigarette behind his ear (wat), and was dragging me out to have a smoke (i was the only other programmer smoker, but not as heavy as him) every 10-15 minutes under the implied pretense of needing to discuss something about the code, and frowned heavily when i refused (because i was actually in the middle of actual work), because he took it as me refusing to have a work meeting with him.
no, we almost never talked about anything work-related, while on that smoke "work meeting".
also, my boss' boss in my first job, when she entered the office asking "we need a clickable map of our country where clicking each region brings you to a search page with filter set to results from that region. how would we do that?"
i answered "html imagemap linking to the right search url for each region, or embedded flash doing the same, if you want the region buttons to be animated", and turned back to my work.
upon which she proceeded to talk about it with the second programmer, both pretending they're solving some aspects that my answer didn't already solve, INSISTING that i stop doing "whatever nonsense you're doing" and pretend that i'm paying attention as if anything they said was in any way relevant or important. i kept returning to my work because i was solving an annoying bug and their talk was empty and useless.
this second incident was then cited as one of the reasons i was let go, because "he ignores important conversations with his superiors about upcoming tasks"
in general, my first job was a shitshow where nobody had any time or energy to do actual work because they all expended all of it to PRETEND for their superiors that they're working, since the superiors had no clue how it looks when we actually do our actual jobs.
(one month after i was let go (because, in my boss' words, yes, the one with the helicopter, "the IT productivity is very low and I have to hold someone responsible") , the second programmer was let go as well, and one month after that, our boss (head of IT) was let go too. to this day I keep being fascinated how did the company manage to survive long enough for me to even be there, let alone how it STILL manages to survive. i guess being part of a nation-wide conglomerate is very effective in covering your company's losses and uselessness)1 -
load average: 348.58, 293.64, 179.93
Um, wat?
1) What are you doing little server?!
2) How could you possibly find the time to tell me that?!2 -
Fucken Designers - Have you ever heard of fucken consistency?
Different looks and feels for the same thing in every single page? Wat the fuck man - I am trying to write clean and modular code for components and you guys are making hard -
Bomb Alert:
Fuck Designers *middle finger*6 -
Has anyone else noticed when ever a question of what framework to use where React could apply, people have the shittiest reasons for using it.
"React is gud, you should use it. Ima say React a few more times to sell you on it."
"React makes my code better so it's gud."
"React react react react react."
Do your research guys, don't trust this hype-driven bullshit.16 -
!rant
Super awesome day today.
1. Got up early to do a risky production deploy and it worked!
2. Three PRs approved before lunch.
3. Got some time to continue learning scala.
4. Coffee and cupcakes with some refugees and discussed work as a software engineer.
5. Tried virtual reality for the first time. Really fun.
6. Helped prepare our goals for this quarter and present them to the department.
7. Department meeting had free local craft beer and pretzels.
8. Went bouldering after work and flashed a 6c.
9. Curled up with my wife watching Netflix.
I really love my life sometimes.5 -
If I unplug a charger then my laptop immediately turns off
if I run a hw diag [boot into diag mode], it says I have a healthy battery, but a faulty ssd
<wat.png>7 -
About a year ago a co-scout gave me: an FM radio, a CD cover, tape and some other random bits, and proceded to say.
c-s: Build a metaldetector from this, I don't know how.
me: wat?
c-s: You know computers, right?
me: Yes, but that is not "computers".
c-s: How hard can it be? We need a guide on how to do it in a couple of hours. Good luck.2 -
Years ago, one of my friends in college was taking an intro to CS class. He asked me for help on one of his assignments. It was a simple Python program, but it wasn't running as expected. I go in figuring it will be easy to fix. But everything looks exactly right. An hour later I'm tearing my hair out! It isn't even entering the function although it's clearly called. I'm beginning to feel very self conscious, as a CS major who can't even debug a 15 line program for a friend.
Then it hit me. This is Python. I used an editor macro to convert all indentation to tabs, lined them up, and it ran on the first try. Turns out, he had somehow ended up with a mixture of tabs and spaces.
I'm not sure what the takeaway is, but I think he got a surprisingly honest introduction to the life of a developer...2 -
PSA: negate your tests and make sure they fail!
I have what I thought was a weird and slightly paranoid habit. When I write tests sometimes just as a sanity check negate the assertion to make sure the test fails and isn't a false positive. Almost always fails as expected.
But not today! Turns out I had forgotten to wrap my equality check in an assertion so it would always pass. It freaks me out to imagine pushing a test that always passes not just because it doesn't do its job, but could also obscure a bug and trick me into thinking it works differently than it does. Broken tests are the worst!
But it pays to be paranoid. -
So, I was rejected from a job cause I didn't answer one mail asking for a technical detail about my code... my bad for it.
Except I checked the mail every single day and it was neither in mails, nor in spam, nor in the other gmail smart labels, and it magically appeared October 30th, with the date 27th October. WAT?
I am not even angry (I am extremely sad because a remote job would have allowed me to finally move in with my sweet half, but that is another story) just... wtf? How...did it...? WAT?
10 -
god i despise these "javascript is bad" articles. everyone seems to be jumping onto that train ever since the WAT talk.
javascript is a *weakly* typed language with implicit type conversions, that's why `{} + []` gives you `0`.
it is not easy to be the most widely used language, and to maintain compatibility across varying platforms.
please think twice before dismissing hard work.
/rant34 -
Me: *adds a shiny new graph to our foos web app showing player ratings*
Fred: Can I please have a button to see just my scores?
Me: *adds "JUST FRED" button*
Fred: perfect, thanks4 -
Working on a legacy app and couldn't find in the DB, fields for description, status, title, and assigned user.
I found them.
They were in the fields: User1, User2, User3, and User4.
How the hell does that happen?1 -
Just read a job posting for a junior .Net software dev. 2 years experience in C#, Visual Studio, .Net. Usual suspects right, though two years experience for a junior seems off. But they also want embedded systems experience. wat?4
-
Dev Diary Entry #56
Dear diary, the part of the website that allows users to post their own articles - based on an robust rights system - through a rich text editor, is done! It has a revision system and everything. Now to work on a secure way for them to upload images and use these in their articles, as I don't allow links to external images on the site.
Dev Diary Entry #57
Dear diary, today I finally finished the image uploading feature for my website, and I have secured it as well as I can.
First, I check filesize and filetype client-side (for user convenience), then I check the same things serverside, and only allow images in certain formats to be uploaded.
Next, I completely disregard the original filename (and extension) of the image and generate UUIDs for them instead, and use fileinfo/mimetype to determine extension. I then recreate the image serverside, either in original dimensions or downsized if too large, and store the new image (and its thumbnail) in a non-shared, private folder outside the webpage root, inaccessible to other users, and add an image entry in my database that contains the file path, user who uploaded it, all that jazz.
I then serve the image to the users through a server-side script instead of allowing them direct access to the image. Great success. What could possibly go horribly wrong?
Dev Diary Entry #58
Dear diary, I am contemplating scrapping the idea of allowing users to upload images, text, comments or any other contents to the website, since I do not have the capacity to implement the copyright-filter that will probably soon become a requirement in the EU... :(
Wat to do, wat to do...1 -
Describing a friend's project to a friend:
"And then theirs a tinder like element, for filtering potential dates, but that's not implemented yet."
"Why doesn't he just copy tinder?"
"Er... wat?"
"You know, just copy their code and put it in his app."
"You don't... you can't... I mean you can decompile... but that's not useful because... it just doesn't work that way. For a million reasons. I don't know where to begin."3 -
Goes to settings.
Turns on "Hide posts that are voted repost" switch
Suddenly feed is nothing *but* reposts.
Wat2 -
When it took 6 months to design and develop a trade show application in ASP.NET MVC 4, and suddenly - "Make the tablet-optimized version by next week". Wat??
-
Here’s how my Friday night is going:
def signin
if should_not_sign_user_in?(stuff)
return redirect_to :nope
end
# signin logic
end
The guard says I shouldn’t sign the user in. It logs the details of why. I read the logs; they’re all correct. It logs the return value, which is false, and the user gets signed in anyway.
Wat.
There’s a return and a redirect there!
This is only happening on the QA server, too, so something fishy is going on.5 -
I get home today and my wife says:
"Just finished some chores and really want to play stardew valley, but the computer has been updating for an hour!"
Windows 10 anniversary update strikes again.3 -
When you offer to help out a fellow coworker on the top priority feature he is developing and he just sends you the branch and stops working on it.2
-
I was watching some learning materials from Microsoft the other day and during the course the lecturer said :
"Let me quickly Bing it". At first I was WAT? what the heck is bing, but then he opened the IE and searched for something in Microsoft Bing.7 -
>be me
>some months ago
>apply for a node.js job, send them my resume with links to my git repos
>get an interview, they tell me they appreciate my additional android dev experience cause they be working on an app.
>think to myself "oh nice, imma get this job!"
>"Anon, we gonna test you, ok?"
>"okay no problem"
>I prepare for both node and android but mostly node
>test day arrives, I'm hyped
>test is actually to make a maps android app in 8 hours
>wat?!
>do it anyway, achieving some functionalities
>a couple of weeks after
>I email them, asking news
>they basically say "oh we sent you a message on skype to tell we continued with another person as a backend dev because they had a better android app"
>log into skype
>0 messages
>mfw pic related
6 -
Have you ever wondered why !important is even working? Imagine this:
element {
color: #FF0000 !important;
}
It literally means the red color is NOT IMPORTANT. And this overwrites previous CSS rules such as in this example, previous element.color. Like seriously, where is the logic here? :D10 -
Cookies... They are a mess. (To roughly translate what happened here) the text states: you diss-alowed cookies but to view our video you must accept them. (So far so good) If you want to watch the video, you can do that if you allow them. (Still good) to do this, remove your cookies (wait wat) and hit refresh. So... I did not allow cookies, and you set a cookie to not set cookies????
2 -
A friend is trying out linux and I am helping him with it. Helped him to install and configure linux on his laptop. Tried several Arch distros and different Ubuntu flavours. But it is not about distros,but about strange glitch...
Imagine, you are having 2 monitors. One is your laptops and second is plugged in via VGA. You're dragging windows from one screen to another, doing you things, etc..
You can see and configure VGA display in display settings and so on.
So situation is exactly the same with my friend, but here comes the plot twist:
There is no monitor connected to VGA.
I can't explain it, but linux is always detecting a non-existent display. So you can drag windows to nowhere. You can see resolution on 2nd monitor and so on. Luckily, you can disable it.
Sooo
Wat4 -
I am working in a speciffic engineering team. We are using tools the company has bought and has separate teams administrating them.
Tool X is malfunctioning, throwing server-side errors (some .dlls are mentioned in the err msg)
Me: XAdmin team, there are some suspicious errors and I cannot achieve desired results using tool X
XAdmin: Let me see
XAdmin: I have checked a few forums and could not find a solution. Please log a vendor case
Me: *wat........*
Me: Vendor will most likely require some techical info, some licencing info. How do I go about that?
XAdmin: reach out to the vendor, they will schedule a call. Forward that call to me
Me: *wat............*
Me: *for shits and giggles, register a bogus account at vendor site, try to log the SR*
Me: XAdmin, while logging a SR I am asked for licencing info. What is the aaa, bbb, ccc info of your licence?
XAdmin: *crickets mating*
wtf buddy... How can you call yourself Admin of tool X and ask your customers to log vendor cases for you.....? WTF are YOU there for then??
I'm still WTFed. Like wtf....
EDIT: the guy I was talking to is XAdmins' team lead1 -
I am glad that I usually include comments, which make me smile years later...
What are your best findings when you look at your old code?
something like:
// having any and all at the same hierarchy is not valid (and stupid)
someMistakeDeep: 1 // deep fail
// TODO: find out, why the cache is behaving like this. And fix it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
or my all time favorite comments
// this should not happen.
// wat?
or testing emails like
- [email protected]
- nonValidEmail.com
or urls...
- ProtocolMissing.com
- www.stillNoProtocol.com
And when I'm out of ideas, something like this
messageContent: 'Bla Bla Bla. Exception in FS on Host https://w.com/hpsa',
{ SmsVerb: 'randomVerb' }, // unknown Attribute5 -
We've been using private GitHub repos as a distribution method for our personal npm packages at work for years.
I finally got sick of it and did the work to publish them to artifactory yesterday. Today, I worked out the remaining kinks, fixed the CI builds, and wrote a wiki page explaining the change with step by step migration instructions and sent it around to the rest of the devs. And it's working great!
I feel simultaneously like a hero for finally getting this fixed and an idiot for putting up with it for so long.
Also thankful for my devops friend who helped a bunch.1 -
When your coworker is having issues with an old ColdFusion app, and says "Nevermind, I am just going to rewrite this in ASP". Yes, he is writing a "new" app in Classic ASP. 😒2
-
M so angry at one of my faculties today!!
Basically, the faculty is utter garbage ( although he is supposed to b the best and most experienced guy ). He teaches us data communication but all he does is start up a presentation, read from there and tell that to us adding a thing or two...
Well we have been tolerating him for the entire semester at this point so... whatever, we have come to peace with the fact that we simply attend to get attendance...
But, yesterday, there was a seminar going on and I asked a question to the speaker... the speaker started replying and the faculty interrupted the speaker to crack an ill joke about me... and started laughing... I mean what the hell!!! Ur supposed to be a faculty and THAT is how u behave?!
Anyway, many people laughed... more so because of the way he laughed than his “joke”.
Made me burn with rage but i forgot about it thanks to the seminar being decent.
Today, he was checking our assignments... he became angry and the reason being we didn’t write answers from the presentation and instead used the Internet.
This is what he said:
“ I have given u the presentation and that is exactly where u will write the assignments from... if u wanna use the internet to find the answers, then why do u come to my class!! “
I literally wanted to say - “ to get freaking attendance!! “
Somehow I didn’t... my assignment wasn’t checked today so nothing bad happened...
And btw, the assignments that he gives r 30 terminologies ( words and meanings ),
And nearly 25-30 question answers...
Just go thru the presentation to get all the answers... and this is called “teaching” and “education” !!!! 😠😠😠😠
No research, no understanding, simply do as he says, even in quizzes, even if ur answer is correct but it is not exactly the point he asks, screw u!
He will scold u...
I CAME TO COLLEGE TO LEARN AND UNDERSTAND!!! NOT MUG UP UR STUPID ANSWERS TO PASS IN EXAMS!!!!!!
M now imagining ways to kill him 😠😠😠😠🔥🔥🔥🔥2 -
I'd like to ask: What's trending at the moment instead....
Either I'm old and senile and missing something, or there is not really sth new.
Okay, JS might be crapping out new frameworks in their common "Not invented here" diarrhea....
But otherwise? What's really new?
I don't really know. I'm not only thinking about languages and stuff, but even in hardware there ain't really a big thing going on in my opinion.
Hab ich wat verpennt?
(Have I overslept?)
We had an interesting and frightening discussion regarding NGINX, as it is russian software today and that a new trend of a true, actively developed webserver is severely lacking... Apache looks semi dead and most other niche webservers, too.
That's all I've seen as a "trend" discussion in the latest time4 -
Aunt asked me to repair her phone because "nothing is working". She said she tried every phone repairer in the town. She blames the phone, the phone manufacturer and everyone else.
She finally admitted the phone fell into water and she didn't tell it to the repairers. Then she wonders why they can't do magic.
"But aren't the front camera and the rear camera the same camera?"
Wat? -
How do I help my colleague in fighting harrassment?
This is the story of a helpless employee facing everyday harassment. Im trying to help. Seeking for your thoughts
Backstory fast forwarded: My company acquired another company. So we handle all their projects and clients now, but its a completely new domain. So we needed new people. Hired 4 employees + 1 team lead to start with. But the project process got delayed and they were free for a month. So i took 2 of them in my project and gave them some small tasks to help us over. They loved working with my team and were learning new stuff apart from what they usually did. And we were also happy of their contribution. We became good friends. All of this was in March 2020 before covid-19 was taken seriously.
About my company: I love this company. I have been in this company for more than 4 years now. People are really nice. Parties and fun events. Lot of smart and ambitious people. So company and people are awesome.
Coming back to the story. Lets call the team the 4 and team lead T. The 4 were happy that someone like T was in their team. This T had all the best knowledge about stuff and life was going to be awesome for the 4. Or was it?
Story starts: So I talk to one of these 4 on daily basis. Lets call this friend F. F is a real gentle person. Intelligent and dedicated to work. F is awesome to work with. And always enjoyed working. F is a team player and very very soft person. F is fking workoholic. So few days after project starts, F tells me work was not going well. F is getting real frustrated at work and not able to deal with it or find solution.
What happened:
This person T, who was supposed to help these 4, is real piece of shit. He is impatient, arrogant and MFing dick head. Aaaarggggg.
All the good qualities of a leader like supporting the team, boosting confidence, guiding team when they make mistakes, teaching them, were all missing from this person. T was a machine with no emotion and only clock working jerk. I have no idea how T cleared interview process, because one of the interview round is also about cultural fit into company. I know this because i take interviews for other domains. We have rejected lot of such well qualified but arrogant candidates.
So whats the problem now: this team of 4 are learning new tools and taking over the clients requests from old company. Most of the stuff is new for them. So in tat case people need lot of time to understand and figure out shit. people make mistakes while learning and you know have to deal with it. Person T abuses these 4 when something goes wrong. That's one.
Second, the T definitely knows more than these 4. So if these guys dont understand certain stuff they ask T. But T does not help them learn. T will either say busy or run away by saying thats simple and ull know when time comes. REALLY MF???
Third, T does not talk nice. T is rude and does not listen to team members. For eg, If F says some task cannot be done for some reason T will say, "y cant u do it? U r capable of doing it. Tats y u r in this job". And then point number one and two happens. Never responds to emails and messages. But if someone else does the same will not tolerate that and abuses them. List goes on.
So y not escalate and deal with that T:
This person F and other 3 are still under probation and they think complaint or escalation will back fire. These people do not want to lose job in between all this pandemic shit. They are scared.
So this was happening for a while. And i was giving lot of tips on how to handle certain situations. And how one should communicate these.
But being a gentle, soft and workoholic person, F focussed on work and assumed things will get in place as time goes by.
Today, F could not meet a requirement. So T told some shit which got F all sad. and F called up me late night and started crying explaining what happened. I felt real bad. I asked F to file harrassment case. F refused saying it was F's mistake on not completing requirement. WHO THE FK CARES. PEOPLE CANNOT TALK SHIT. I told ill file harrassment case against T. (We have a policy where others can also file if person is not courageous enough). But F did not allow me.
Then after calming down, I told F that telling the problems to me wont solve them. You have to talk to T directly and tell him on face not to talk like this. Or tell the manager about whats happening. Or tell the the HR about this. F said tat cant be done. I was like Y THE FK NOT.
Because the other 3 are not ready to talk about this to anyone as they fear they'll lose job. So if F talks and people question other 3 they might bail out. WAT THE HOLY SPIRIT.
so after lot of convincing F is still not going to
Talk to anyone about this.
So i have decided ill write an anonymous email to HR, the manager and other senior people in the organisation about whats happening.
I really dont know how itll go. Ill keep updating you guys. Feel free to share ur thoughts.3 -
It's kinda calming to find out that the atlassian-guys themselves don't know very good about their stuff either
3 -
Has to be writing.
Not exactly a better dev, per se, but close enough.
I used to read books and imagine all sorts of possible scenarios to different events. One day, after replaying the Mass Effect series, I began to think about alternate ways to end it. Opened Libre Office and started hammering away. 10 minutes later, I had an outline. Never actually finished that story, but the spark was there.
I began noting down outlines and creating structures for interesting games and books; that soon carried over to my work. Before and after every meeting with my boss, I'd have outlined how the meeting was going to go, and how it actually went. Gave me a sense of order.
This in turn helped me be a better manager (I work with a team of 9), and I tell you guys, it couldn't have come at a better time. I had been promoted quite suddenly, and had been fucking up quite a bit at the start.
I had my shit in order. My team was happier and more efficient. My boss was happy. I was given bigger goals and tighter deadlines. I fucking loved it.
All this, from writing some fanfiction. (there, I said it!)
P. S: I stared at this for a solid minute, still not sure how it all came together.1 -
I want to buy a beer for everyone who developed the mobile pass app. Just breezed through immigration and customs without waiting in the 1 hour+ line. Technology wins. Cheers!1
-
Coworker has been working as a web developer at our company for 10 years... Yesterday I see him watching this video intently: https://youtu.be/PLA2FaOXkkg ?4
-
*Lists packages with name "weechat"
1 result
*Tries to start package*
*Says package is not installed*
Wat
6 -
Things you should not say on your last day of work:
If I broke it, I think it would be pretty obvious. -
I heard MS doesn't provide employees with a developer special image, meaning once you get / format a pc, you've to install every damn piece of sw from VS to SQL to node... on your own.
Why ??????????????3 -
Just moved countries and started a new job at an awesome company, which is so great I have nothing yet to rant about.
Oh here goes: almost three weeks with no internet at home and no end in sight.2 -
I just had the most confusing error ever where clang ast randomly replaced classes with just int in type signatures
...wat? I guess the class only has one int field so maybe there's a cpp rule that requires replacing classes with their only field or something?
But when I add other fields it doesn't change. Even if the class has no int fields, it's still replaced by int in the ast
....
Yeah turns out I had the definitions in the wrong order and clang just uses int for unknown types instead of... you know maybe raising a fucking error
Thanks clang...13 -
Here's a great talk about the wonders of Ruby & JavaScript that every dev should see at least once https://destroyallsoftware.com/talk...10
-
The bloody what Google ?!
He doesn't even pronounce it right.. https://youtube.com/watch/...
1 -
Not so much a problem with the way CS is taught, but I think it's a problem that a lot of people put emphasis ONLY on programming (and maybe data structures and algorithms) and ignore things like Computer Architecture or Theory of Computation.
Most of the CS syllabi I've seen are built very well, but many students (and some teachers) seem to ignore a bunch of subjects because they don't contribute to making them "hireable". -
I Ctrl + z'ed in a file in vscode and it _literally rolled back other files_ what the fuck?
who the fuck thought this was a good idea? wtf
AND THEN I CHANGED STUFF THINKING IT WAS ONLY THIS FILE SO NOW WHAT
WHO DESIGNED THIS
WHO WANTS THIS
WHAT7 -
Keyboard layouts/localization seem like something went horribly wrong and nobody decided to clean up the mess.
And now we have multiple layouts where the fucking alt key doesn't even work exactly the same between them, how is that even possible? And who thought it was a good idea to differentiate between left and right alt, shift and control keys, leading to subtle issues nobody asked for?
In Vim I made a keyboard shortcut with alt and on the British layout it only works with the left alt key, on the US layout on both. Wat. -
Usually spyware had to be installed maliciously or without the victim knowing, but nowadays people fucking use it voluntarily WTF. Bitmoji you fucktwit. Everyone sees where you are, what music you listen to and the users (at least the ones I know) even promote it like it is something good
wat is up with people2 -
!rant
tl;dr: programmer's excuse vs civilian excuse funny moment in conversation w/ gf
pertinent info: gf has access to my calendar; I added my class schedule for the upcoming semester earlier today
gf: you're taking human psychology where as im taking human development lol
me: I'm taking human psychology?
wat
gf: <screenshot of my calendar entry (it's human physiology)>
see
me: OH
Physiology
!=psychology
psybnlogy
close enough
the human brain's word recognition relies on lossy compression
not my fault
.-.
gf: ohhhhhh
I don't have my glasses on and my computer is far so that's my excuse lol
me: LOL
I assumed I misread it
didn't even double check your spelling6 -
So apparently I cannot save my Google Maps "Less interested in ..." food place preferences when my selection includes "Vegan". 🤔8
-
The Angular ng-WAT talk: https://youtu.be/M_Wp-2XA9ZU
Most hilarious dev talk I have ever watched! This guy shows the common frustration of reading confusing API docs with even more confusing terminology. Hahaa!
"You have a factory, which is a service and you have a service which is a service. Both have Providers.. and when you write a Factory.. as your service.. you actually write a Provider.. which returns a Factory.. which is basically.. a Service!". WAT3 -
that moment when you're helping the tech illiterate discover that their supposedly lost pictures are stored in the app called "gallery" and she compliments your genius.
Smirk on my face for helping the elderly.1 -
I had an interesting mystery the other day. I work in the UK, but I'm working remotely from the US for a while. First day, I made some changes, ran the tests and they failed. Weird part was the failing test was for a component I hadn't touched. I took a closer look, and realized it was a date off by several hours. The test was checking that a passed in date appears in the output. But it was creating the date by parsing a string. The library I was using defaults to local time, but the component uses UTC. So, I had inadvertently created a unit test that only passes when run from UTC. But I had never noticed before because my work is in that timezone. Yikes!
-
Just attended my first conference and it was awesome! So many new ideas, but also tired and overloaded. Can't decide if I should code tonight, go to bed early, or just do something mindless.1
-
My face learning Android in class, when being answered with "I don't give a shit" after asking how to do the program with best practices.
4 -
Why is so Fitbit so bad at multiple time zones??
Guess what, people get on planes and travel.
Every time, my Fitbit gets so screwed up, including things like changing previous step counts, or duplicating an entire day of steps.
I understand MTZ is a tough problem, but this is just unacceptable. I'm not obsessed with my steps, but when your product is all about counting something, seems like you should be more careful to avoid double counting or not counting at all. Seriously, how much R&D have they invested in their hardware and apps, but it completely fails when you travel. Get it together!1 -
After days of work we finally deployed a finished project to integration for the client to test.
Client calls... They decided to use a different technology. Project is cancelled. Wat? -
I was always interested in computers. My dad was a big computer geek and a programmer to boot. Usually had a couple old PCs in the basement to play with.
In middle school, I took tech ed and we made simple web sites with html and css. I remember the struggle of nested tables.
In high school, I couldn't fit any CS into my schedule. But someone gave me a learning to code book in ruby. I loved it, and have been hooked ever since. -
A rant about crazy syntaxes, enjoy!
https://destroyallsoftware.com/talk... -
When someone cooks bacon in the break room early in the morning and doesn't bring enough for everyone. #hungrydeveloper1
-
Wat do you all do when you reach that burn out phase after coding a lot?? Any way that can help me quickly jump back?1
-
It drives me crazy when there are unclosed parens or quotes anywhere.
Is it too much to ask for people to run their Facebook posts through a compiler first? -
When everyone thinks FE is easier, quicker, and less important than BE. Just because our fantastic UX people made you a high fidelity mockup in a day does not mean we can build the whole FE in a week.
This is why I'm returning to full stack. -
Best tip for getting unstuck? If it's after your usual leaving time, GO HOME.
So many times I solved the problem right away the next morning. Only wish I followed my own advice more often... -
Computer does a BSOD right at the end of a tiebreaker competitive overwatch match where the enemy is about to cap the point and win. I'm one of the tanks. Hard reboot and back in the game within 45s. Just barely hold them off in overtime and win the match. Epic!
Thank God for SSDs!4 -
Current Mac and Windows user here looking to get back into Linux. Any distro suggestions?
Looking for something not too high maintenance.7 -
HER SHORT STORY》
A you beautiful girl decided to be a software developer
For a month she worked on an application
For 2 days she was sooo depressed her father could even notice it
On that day he heard her shouting in her room "Shit I am such an idiot ! !"
So the father went to check wat was going on and asked
Father: Ginger wat is going on?
Ginger: I messed up now I realize I missed a period!
Father: 😲 WHAT!!!
I told you to stay away from that boy
Who is going to take care of that child??
Ginger: [points on her monitor]
🖥️👈🏼I am talking about my code
🙄7 -
Wat up guys. I want your opinions on how to deal with other devs who have less experience but arrogant enough to take advice or even basic instruction making the project take longer, e.g. insist on doing everything from scratch because libraries are too high level etc.
How do you guys end up not murdering these types of people?1 -
That was weird...
Yesterday I took a LinuxFoundation exam in their proprietary PSI browser. I took it on a freshly installed latest LinuxMint.
Due to the obvious reasons, PSI asked me to shut down the following currently running applications:
- chrome
- dropbox
- shutter
- Mail.ru
wat da fak?
I closed the first 3. Mail.ru remained
wtf???5 -
so i did this nice tool with data structures, dynamic ui composing, input sanitizing, modularity and scalability with tidy and efficient javascript and useful css.
showing it to my boss: "cool what you can do with html". WAT?
(he is not a programmer but knows i´m into web-programming) -
When you spend all day searching for a bug that prevents you from proceeding but it was your fault all along...
1 -
Why, just why do 4k devs find this a good idea https://github.com/sindresorhus/.....
Don't get me wrong I respect this oss dev a lot, I just think readme's should be boring with the least distraction possible.20 -
Jesus fuck generic number adding in rust is pissing me off
why did I decide to do this
I literally don't have to
let's just add 12 traits and then find out it doesn't know how to divide by usize. well how the hell am I supposed to convert it then. there's no trait for "f64 as f32" so now my shit looks like spaghetti cuz of that, now this...
so let's see I could call into() on usize to get it to be unknown T number... but there's no way for it to know what to convert to and I can't determine if there's any way for me to tell it that
THESE STRAITJACKETS
I might just need a padded room at this rate
*goes to sleep* later
.... required for usize to implement Into<T> wat
😩
I suspect that's gonna be another dead end
GOod ErrOrS16 -
Productivity Hack: I'm a java developer who decided to write a productivity app that integrates to-do, pomodoro and eisenhower matrix altogether with reports generation. this will also help me logging at work. I'm also using electron + angular2 + typescript, just because, well, I'm trying to learn new stuff.
Long story short, many many many many days later, i'm still waiting for that productivity boost. What is dis webpack? Wat u mean loaders? Wat promises? electron-prebuilt is now electron? Wat u mean npm and node should be updated? .....
Please send help1 -
Trying to add money to a prepaid SIM card today. Their website is a mess. Plus and minus buttons were not functioning, so my only option was to add 15 euro. Checked the console, no errors. Tried triggering the buttons jQuery, no luck. Found a data value attached to the submit button set to 15. Changed to 10, clicked submit, and BOOM, it worked! You just got engineered!
After I paid, I was curious, went back and set it to -15, and tried it again. Unfortunately, they know about backend validation. -
So I had to write a program for university... It got graded.. I got 1.7 (1 being best).
Now you might say that's good. But I wrote a whole fucking final fantasy like game with engine and the program I helped with of a friend of mine is just a little roulette game without animation.. and he got a 1.3.
TIL: Don't give your best. Just give no fuck and push something out quickly.3 -
"Good Morning,
I am currently recruiting for a UI/UX Designer for my client based in Cambridge, and I believe you would have a highly suitable skill set for this role."
WAT?4 -
Why do you get so fucking full so damn fast when you're drunk. It's really fucking annoying.
Seagull.1 -
LORD AM I PRON TO THESE KIND OF PEOPLE AS A DEV!!!?
[09:21, 22/04/2020] +263 78 454 5470: Bro
[10:24, 22/04/2020] Softaz: Wasap
[10:25, 22/04/2020] +263 78 454 5470: Im good fam hwu
[10:37, 22/04/2020] Softaz: Um good bro how is it?
[10:43, 22/04/2020] +263 78 454 5470: All good.. i need help fam... i want to creat application form but dnt knw how to fo th out look appearance
[10:48, 22/04/2020] Softaz: Ummm haven't used out look
[10:51, 22/04/2020] +263 78 454 5470: Nooo I mean appearance of the app. .. not outlook windows no
[10:55, 22/04/2020] Softaz: 🤔
Wat you up to
Want to create a form using outlook or you want to create an application? ??
[GUY SENDS VOICE NOTE]
[11:21, 22/04/2020] Softaz: Is it web app or desktop app
[11:22, 22/04/2020] +263 78 454 5470: I thnk its wise to hv it a web app
[11:24, 22/04/2020] Softaz: Ok so is this a thing chitone market or?
[11:24, 22/04/2020] Softaz: And outline all it's functionality
[11:25, 22/04/2020] Softaz: And the price😋🤑
[11:26, 22/04/2020] +263 78 454 5470: Na. Its just fr records n logs ... for reference
[11:26, 22/04/2020] +263 78 454 5470: 👀U want to thug me now
[11:27, 22/04/2020] +263 78 454 5470: Nigaaa👀wait
[11:42, 22/04/2020] Softaz: 😂 its yo idea
I can't make something I have no idear what information it should take in
What format to generate soft copy
Etc5 -
!rant, more of an incredulous/cruelly amused "you had ONE job..."
so: biggest IT/PC/electronics store in my (and neighboring) country. their webpage, of course with the function to buy online, because of course.
the big green "Buy" button does nothing. doesn't work. doesn't react. I keep clicking it multiple times, shorter, longer, etc, because maybe their JS scripts are just shit so they slow.
nope.
okay. open devtools, JS console.
hover over the button: "Error: isMobile is not a function".
click the button: "Error: isMobile is not a function"
WAT.
search for isMobile in the script.
173 occurences.
fuck this.
console: isMobile = function(){return false;}
because I'm not on my phone.
click the "Buy" button.
works flawlessly.
...HOW?
THE WHOLE PAGE IS AN ESHOP YOU COMIC RELIEF INCOMPETENTS! =D
173 uses of non-existing function that blocks business-critical feature, THE ONLY CORE FEATURE FOR WHICH YOUR SITE EVEN EXISTS, and NOBODY, not the dev who fucked it up, NOT EVEN QA, noticed it??? =D =D
if I was the boss of the devs, or even boss of the whole company...
git blame
...and then i'd go the whole chain from the dev who caused the bug, through all of the QA people who "tested" that version before deploy, and I would personally, on the spot, fire each and every single one of them.
mainly because of who knows how much money this stupid not even a proper bug lost them.
but secondarily, because clearly none of those people give a single shit (n)or have an idea how to do their jobs.
=D =D
yeah but I was a good guy, filed a bug report in the "Complaints" section of their Contact form.
it goes to some call-center-like peon, so it starts with a sentence "forward this to your site's dev people outright to file as a bug, thank you".
but... HOW.... =D
HOW can you let something like this through? =D
the bottleneck of your whole user interaction, which forms first of the three steps OF THE MAIN AND MOST IMPORTANT FUNCTION of your whole business... =D
...I...
...does not compute =D
...BUT THEY USING ANGULAR, SO THEY ALL MODERN AND HIGH-TECH AND EVERYTHING'S FINE!!! =D =D1 -
A friend of mine showed me his "theme change" code
if (!myControl.BackColor.Equals(Color.Black))
{
this.BackColor = Color.Black;
this.buttonBOT.BackColor = Color.Black;
this.buttonNAV.BackColor = Color.Black;
this.buttonCFG.BackColor = Color.Black;
this.buttonBOT.ForeColor = Color.White;
this.buttonNAV.ForeColor = Color.White;
this.buttonCFG.ForeColor = Color.White;
this.ToolStripMenuItemAntiSun.BackColor = Color.White;
this.ToolStripMenuItemAntiSun.ForeColor = Color.Black;
myControl.BackColor = Color.Black;
myControl.ForeColor = Color.White;
}
The fact that he want to add a dark theme is nice but yeah...
Wat do?1 -
I walk by our devops dashboard several times per day. It keeps track of key metrics for all our live services. I noticed an interesting trend the last few weeks.
3 weeks ago: all metrics green
2 weeks ago: 1 metric red
1 week ago: 1 metric still red
this week: 1 metric still red but covered with a post it note -
Am a developer I write Python,php and java. .. I joined a telecoms company in my country which is not doing well as opposed to the other 2 telecoms. One reason is that its a government entity And always keep making bad decision which no one take responsible of. .. always good at making bad decision
My previous boss (who just left) conrned me to support a Chinese Software called mobile money full of bugs. And does not do wat they sad it could do in the FRS . . Doccumentation is mess. There a language barier with the support team. .. then there a guy who seem to have temper and looks overworked by Chinese.
I love writing code and learning new stuff
And progressing in my career
But I cant do that if am answering a call every fu*king sec. We are not appreciated as a team by both the business and CTIO even tho we are only the only two engineers in the Dept. .. its sickens me
I dont no what to do now.that my imediate boss is gone to another company . . What thing to do -
Had a boss that was not going to let me keep our original data around as a backup, because they said "if you're that convinced that we need the backup around then you must not write very good software". In short, their way of saying I must be a shit developer if I want backups.
Nah bro we keep backups because there's bound to be fuckups, I'm trying to plan, not play petty mind games and stroke your ego. -
Any recommendations for moving a blog?
My wife and I just cancelled our account with siteground hosting a WordPress blog. Looking for a cheaper alternative. Willing to get my hands dirty as a web dev, but would like a nice CMS experience for my wife. Also want to keep our existing content. If we can keep our custom domain somehow that would be a win.
Thanks!7 -
My co-worker X and I worked late nights for a project every single day including weekends, and our fucking senior manager invites X to his party and not me. Seriously.. does he even know I'm in the same fucking team?.
I mean yeah X did a great job working hard and shit.. but so did I.
I really hate my manager.
Fuck Him..6 -
Be clear on your aim as a dev.
Be truthful of wat u know.
DONT DONT ever try to outsmart a interviewer who himself is a dev for many years.
Lastly keep cool and backup ur skills. -
So I realized I misspelled a class in css
But the wired thing is its working
Then I fixed the typo and BOOM not working anymore
Wat kind of crazy is this????7 -
Thanks past developer for not only one bug but also the bug in your exception handling attempting to catch this bug which resulted in confusing the hell out of us for way too long due to output that made absolutely no sense
-
Being a developer is about signing up on things yu hve no idea how to do
It feels like taking a deep dive into the deep dark unknown
And reassure the client that you will complete the project and satisfy them5 -
Shit my "Senior" Dev coworker days:
"Well, logically, lies are more important because it takes more effort to remember the lie, who you've told it to, and any extra stuff you made up to keep your story straight. Then, when you have more than one lie, you work even harder to keep them all in line".1 -
Got a call from a client who muted their PowerPoint mid presentation -- not the computer or (apparently) a video in the presentation, the whole presentation.
I didn't even know that was possible. But apparently they got it working again while I was trying to help over the phone.
Yay?5 -
So I wanted to check on an iOS app in my company's Apple account but ...
I don't know, this thing used to be a login.
1 -
YOU DONT WANT TO BE ME FUCKING ME RYT NOW
..... I DONT MEAN LIKE FUCKING BUT
WAT THA FUCK AM I EVEN SAYING !!!!!!5 -
Dear PHP creators. Why did you think having "static" overriding "private" was a good idea? I get that you won't have instances of a static value but private should still take precedence.
-
!= rant
Does AngularJS still have momentum. I toyed with it for a while on a side project. Since then .Net Core launched and most of my work (both day to day and side projects has been in MVC 5 or .Net Core)
I wanted to go back to tinkering with that one side project but it seems that some of the hype surrounding AngularJS has died off.6 -
I just had this field with certain class type that acted so $h!++y on me that I almost believed I had finally gotten insane from all those coding.
I’m talking about Unity C#. When the code runs after a domain reload, I find that this specific field always comes prefilled with “an instance of that class whose properties were the default values.” So every time when I change something in my code (which causes a domain reload,) this field becomes an instance of the class with default properties **without any outside interaction.** All my null guard code fails and what follow are thousands of null reference exceptions because my scripts tries to access the properties of that instance, which are null.
Turns out, it was maybe because the class in question was marked with [Serializable]. When I remove it, the behavior completely stops.
This behavior was so unexplainable in clear words that googling for such behavior was pure impossible. Like WAT. I don’t even know which of C# or Unity caused this weird $h!+ to happen.2 -
D3 software tutorials at best
Press ctrl+D . G . Z . RMC .S . Move mouse . RMC . TAB . Select vex . E . RMC . S . Mouve mouse
Then Alt+Z see your vex
Then P to cut the Shift+L to select node .
Omg ... Wtf it worst then Vim or wat XD -
In our company, "UAT".
We using staging environment and most of the data is either missing or corrupt. They don't refresh the data, saying it can impose some security issue.
How the hell are we supposed to complete UAT when there's no data that's in production!!!! -
When you are tearing you hair out trying to figure out why the PR you're reviewing isn't working. Then you realize you forgot to pull the latest changes!
-
Last employer -- a major health care insurance carrier -- had over a million current and former subscribers data in SQL database with no encryption on SSN or other personally identifiable information. I reported this as an issue, and was told that since they had intrusion detection, etc. they don't need to encrypt the data. Guess they have never heard of zero day vulnerabilities or disgruntled employees?
-
You know it's Friday afternoon when your interface is broken because you tried to set the type to the string 'string' instead of the keyword string.
Interface IEnvironment {
name: 'string',
...
} -
!==rant
Are there any good cloud-based IDEs that:
1.) Supports C# (ASP.Net Core / MVC)
2.) Would work on a Chromebook2 -
Wat is the boys/girls ratio on programmes? Care to answer whether you are girl or guy? (statistical purposes)3
-
Wat?!
"Have you tried to acronym to the nickname of the proprietary acronym acronym from the acronym vernacular?" -
You know that your are working with a DB-Guy when he provides you a "REST" interface that is outputting table data in JSON format and not even the JSON syntax is correct.
Top Tags
Weekly Rant
View