I hired a woman for senior quality assurance two weeks ago. Impressive resume, great interview, but I was met with some pseudo-sexist puzzled looks in the dev team.

Meeting today. Boss: "Why is the database cluster not working properly?"

Team devs: "We've tried diagnosing the problem, but we can't really find it. It keeps being under high load."

New QA: "It might have something to do with the way you developers write queries".

She pulls up a bunch of code examples with dozens of joins and orderings on unindexed columns, explains that you shouldn't call queries from within looping constructs, that it's smart to limit the data with constraints and aggregations, hints at where to actually place indexes, how not to drag the whole DB to the frontend and process it in VueJS, etc...

New QA: "I've already put the tasks for refactoring the queries in Asana"

I'm grinning, because finally... finally I'm not alone in my crusade anymore.

Boss: "Yeah but that's just that code quality nonsense Bittersweet always keeps nagging about. Why is the database not working? Can't we just add more thingies to the cluster? That would be easier than rewriting the code, right?"

Dev team: "Yes... yes. We could try a few more of these aws rds db.m4.10xlarge thingies. That will solve it."

QA looks pissed off, stands up: "No. These queries... they touch the database in so many places, and so violently, that it has to go to therapy. That's why it's down. It just can't take the abuse anymore. You could add more little brothers and sisters to the equation, but damn that would be cruel right? Not to mention that therapy isn't exactly cheap!"

Dev team looks annoyed at me. My boss looks even more annoyed at me. "You hired this one?"

I keep grinning, and I nod.

"I might have offered her a permanent contract"

Today my classmate came up to me and said he was a hacker.

I told him to prove it, and guess what? HE ACTUALLY HACKED GOOGLE!

It was amazing! He impressed so many kids in the class with his skills of pressing F12! How impressive is that?

He even wore a black hoodie and can spell his name in binary code. Not to mention, he changed google doc's page color to black and the font to green as he typed his essay.

I need to be careful... This 1337 h4x0r is really scary.

83w4r3

This is a fun conversation I had:

Test Engineer: 😑 The test bench burst into flames.
Me: 😪😲 Do what now?
TE: 😐 The test bench burst into flames. It made a pretty impressive fire ball.
Me: 😮 . . . How are you so calm about this?
TE: 😐 Well it's not on fire now.
Me: 😶 Good point.
TE:😧 made me mad as hell though.
Me: 😕 why's that?
TE: 😬 Cuz I only had one damn step left in that test procedure and it was to turn the damn test bench off.
Me: 🤔 Correct me if I'm wrong but the test bench is off is it not?
TE: 😐 Well yeah.
Me: 🤔 and you caused it to be turned off by your actions no?
TE: 😕 . . . yeah . . .
Me:🤔 sounds like you turned it off to me.
TE: 😒
Me: 🙂
TE: 😐
Me: ☺
TE: 😑
Me: 😎
TE: 😐 but it won't turn on again.
Me: 🤔 do you have a requirement to be able to turn it on again after you turn it off?
TE: 😑 It's implied.
Me: 😐 not what I asked
TE: 😧 No not explicitly.
Me: 😎 sounds like you completed the test procedure.
TE: 😑
Me: 😎
TE: 😑
Me: 😎
TE: 😧 that's not how it works.
Me: 😎 doesn't it?
TE: 😑 No.
Me:😎
TE: *walks away* 😧😧😧
Me: *turns back to computer* well I was just trying to help YOU out 😒

I am the best at interpersonal communication.

Impressive achievement

*came in this morning to see this conversation in slack from the remote teams*

Dev: Hey guys, I'm trying to push to the develop branch, telling me its locked. Is there a new process?

Lead dev: Yes I locked it because the repo is now dead, the last release that went out is the last for this year and ever for this app. Were merging this app with another, starting from the last release's code. We'll all have to swap over to the new repo soon.

Dev: ... eh ok I didn't put anything in the last release branch as it wasn't urgent. Normally our process is anything in /develop goes out in the new year. I've been merging to /develop for the last few weeks ... is that code now gone?
*14 question mark emoji reactions*

Lead dev: Yes
*27 angry emoji reactions*

Engineering manager: WHAT? when was this decided? When was it communicated?

Lead dev: oh I assumed my product counterpart had been spreading the messages around, have they not?

Several teams: no, nope, first i'm hearing of it.

Lead dev: Ok, i'll ask them what happened. Be aware then that most of the stuff thats going into develop now, most likely won't be allowed in until March. They want to prioritise releasing this new merged app and don't want anything to impact it.

Dev: So wait, i'm working on stuff now. What do I do? Where do I base the branch? Where do I merge?

<no response>

*My team comes into the office*

Dev: eeehhh ... what does this mean for our past 4 weeks of work? and all the stuff needed to go out in January?

Me: not.a.fucking.clue

If programming languages where weapons...

1. C is an M1 Garand standard issue rifle, old but reliable.

2. C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.

3. Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it

4. Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.

5. Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.

6. JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.

7. Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.

8. Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.

9. bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.

10. Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.

11. Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.

12. PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.

13. Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.

14. C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.

15. Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom

All credits go to Vicky from damnet.com

Sometimes marketing people are really impressive

90s devs: "Did you know about GOTO/CONTINUE for control flow? it's so convenient and powerful!"

00s devs: "GOTO is an antipattern. But did you know about try/catch? You can use it for control flow, just write a lot of exception classes, it's so powerful!"

10s devs: "Using exception blocks for generic control flow is an antipattern. But have you heard about event listeners and observer patterns? It's so powerful!"

Developers are so good at repackaging and reselling square wheels by giving them fresh, impressive sounding names.

😡

Just discovered that one of my coworkers(well...my boss really) has the uncanny ability to detect fonts and sizes with extreme accuracy.

For some of you that may be not impressive at all and some can probably do it too. But its like...not only on websites man...she can do it on things that we see printed, menus and stuff.

That to me at least is very impressive.

First rant here. Long, but please bear with me:

So after slogging my ass off in various early stage startups for over 4 years and keeping up with the almost non-existent development process, I joined an organisation which has some of the brightest and smartest minds I have had the pleasure to work with.

Mind you, this company is the market leader in it's field and has a 50+ people in it's tech team and the quality of work is pretty impressive.

Now for this week's sprint, I was asked to develop a feature which already exists on the Android app and they want to introduce in the iOS app too. The backend APIs are all in place and all I need to do is build it with virtually no dependency. My PM asks me to start with the UI and ask the backend dev for the API list whenever I need them.This is where the story turns.

For my first API, I go to the backend dev and ask him to share the API documentation and he looks at me as if I have asked him to dance the fucking cha cha. With a straight face he tells me that, 'The organisation doesn't maintain any kind of documentation for it's APIs.' Now this really shocks me. Even in a 5 men tech teams I have worked on, we have always maintained a spec doc for the APIs and this is a company which is known for it's tech practices.

Being the new guy I compose myself and ask if they have anything for me here: Postman collection, a workflowy doc, a goddamn txt file; anything which might help me, and he laughs at my dilusion and says no.

Dejected, I ask for a way to get the APIs and I am told that there are only two ways: either I keep bothering the Android dev for the APIs(No, I don't have the access to the android repo and nor am I gonna get it) which he had worked on 4 months back or I install the prod app on my phone, and use Charles to get every fucking API which is really, really annoying.

I thought writing out this rant would make me feel better, turns out it just made me angrier. Why the fuck can't they document such an important thing!?

I can tell you how I hired one of my employees instead:

During the work interview he mentioned he used to write Amiga demos when he was a teenager. Can I see one? I asked. He emailed one later that I could run on an Amiga emulator.

He got the job! The demo frankly wasn't that impressive but the fact that he wrote stuff like that already as a child was, before college and stuff.

He later told me he would have never guessed as a child his demos would give him a job one day!

Nvidia is currently running a competition on their Omniverse platform to win a top of the line RTX card

All you need to do is create a visually impressive raytracing tech demo... which requires a powerful RTX card... to win a powerful RTX card

Thanks guys

I quit my job, moved back home and will be studying my butt off and creating an impressive portfolio for the next 6 months to get a dream 100k+ remote job.

I know it's not too impressive, but got this working using my Windows console double-buffering system and literal bitmaps for the large numbers.

I have posted about both previously if you want more details :3

Sometimes.....

When I want to escape how dull/repetitive/boring the world of web development is. I crack open a nice lil terminal, dust off my gcc/g++ compilers and fuck around in C or C++ till my eyes start to bleed.

I have been fucking around with systems development. Mainly with Linux programming. I have also started to get deeper on game engine design and compiler design....because low level development is where its at.

A man can only fuck around rest apis, css and html and the endless sea of Javascript and other dynamic languages for so long before going crazy.

Eventually.....I would want to code something impressive enough to give me a spot somewhere as a C or C++ developer. I just can't work with web development any longer man. It really is not what I want to do, the fact that I do it(and that I am good at it) is circumstantial more than because I really enjoy it. I really don't

Here is my office setup, not very impressive. But usable.

I don't mean to be "that guy", but the telnet ASCII star wars is very impressive.

Satoru Iwata.

You might remember it as the former president of Nintendo, but he was also a very impressive programmer. As he was president of HAL Laboratories, he helped with the development of Pokémon Stadium for the Nintendo 64 by porting the Pokémon Red/Blue battle system not by having any sort of documentation, but by reading the assembly source code.

He did so to allow Game Freak's developers (who were only a team of 4 at the time) to focus on their work on Pokémon Gold/Silver. But he did more: when they had to localize Red/Blue for America, they couldn't fit everything in a cartridge. They had the same problem while developing Gold/Silver, since cartridges had at most 8 Mb of storage capacity back then, and they had to fit not only the Johto region but the Kanto one as well! So Iwata stepped in, and created a graphics compression tool which managed to make everything fit in the cartridges.

He did this while not even being part of Nintendo, and the work was so impressive that the Pokémon devs thought it was "a waste to just have [him] as president!" (ie. why not make use of such programming skills).

Truly someone I look up to.

Was asked to help a team of interns in a remote country, finish an app. Not only were they terrible at literally every aspect of development, but were arrogant and argued their "new" ways were right.

Spent weeks on the project being nice, trying to help them, sending them links to standards and documents, pointing out unit tests shouldn't be failing, everyone needs to have the same versions of the tools etc. You know, basic shit.

Things got quite heated a few weeks in when they started completely ignoring me. Shit was breaking all over the place and crashing, as I thought we were going to build it one way, and they went and built it another.

Was practically begging the team architect and my manager for help dealing with them. Only reply I got was the usual "were aware of the problem and looking into it" bullshit.

Eventually after the app was done, a mutual agreement was reached that the 2 teams would split (I maintain they were kicked out). All the local devs were happy, managers had mentioned how difficult they were and it would be great for us to finally work on our own.

So I thought everything was fine ... until my end of year performance review came along.

Seems I'm quite poor at "working with others" and I "don't try hard enough with others", it was clear I was struggling with the remote team and "made no effort".

WELL FUCK RIGHT OFF

Not being cocky, but I've never had anything like that in a performance review for the past 7 years. I'm a hard worker, and never have trouble making friends with colleagues. Everyone in the country complained about these remote fuckers, even the manager, who I begged for help. And the end result is I need to work harder.

I came in early, stayed late to fit their timezone, took extra tasks, did research for them, wrote docs. And I was told to work harder.

Only reason I didn't quit, was my internal transfer request was approved lol. New team is looking at projects orders of magnitude more impressive, never been happier.

HR: "Thanks for reaching out - your resume is quite impressive! Unfortunately, it doesn't look like there's a great fit at this time. We'll be sure to keep you in mind should our needs change in the future though. Good luck!"

Me: "It is unfortunate to hear, but I appreciate the reply. May I ask where exactly did I fall short, so I may be better informed and prepared for the next time I apply anywhere?"

Let's see how this goes. Biggest hurdle? Landing the first job, I swear :(

Yesterday (or the day before that depending on your timezone and day-night schedule - this Friday) my OnePlus 6T arrived. After only 2 days of time between placing the order and actually getting the phone, quite impressive!

The DHL guy asked me upon receipt - is it the OnePlus 6T? - Yes it is!! - "An amazing device it is!", he said. And honestly.. he couldn't be more right.

I might be a bit biased on this because after all I did just spend €630 on this phone. But it feels so snappy, high quality, the 8GB of RAM is just.. it blows my mind. But I'm sure that the other reviews did this sort of jazz already.

The things that set this phone apart for me though were the following.

When I get a new phone or tablet, usually the first thing I do is rooting it. This one was no different, about an hour after receipt it was successfully rooted and loaded with Magisk. Currently I'm still in the phase of "getting to know the phone", wherein fuckups are usual. This time again being no different - I removed some apps and apparently did something to it that the search engines - both Google and DuckDuckGo - didn't quite like, as both of them would crash upon application launch. Me in full panic mode of course, desperately trying to find the stock ROM (which doesn't seem to be present in its usual form) or a new set of GApps (which didn't resolve the issue). OnePlus does seem to offer its OTA updates in zip archives though. So I downloaded its latest update (same as what was on the device) and applied it.

That's when the nerdgasm happened.

The "update" was simply a matter of going into the settings, tapping this and that and applying the update. No recovery, no unrooting, no nothing. The update just went like that despite the phone being rooted and just having had TWRP flashed to it. I always wanted this sort of thing, which even the Nexus couldn't offer - having the cake and eating it too. Being able to root the device and muck around with it while still being able to update the device timely without too many hurdles. This fucking thing does it!!!

That is to say, after my initial nerdgasm I did find that it bulldozed over my su binary (effectively unrooting the thing), custom emoji I've set (iOS 12 because fuck Google's most recent emoji set) and some other things. But those are easy to install back, much more so than it would've been to download a whole Android release and dirty flash it, as it was on the Nexus.

Other than that, battery life, dash charging (edit: on that topic, it does remain cool like a cucumber despite getting 15-20W of power jammed into it, quite impressive!), snappiness, the usual jazz.. eh, as I said earlier that's the usual reviewer stuff. But this feature of being able to upgrade the phone while it's modified, that's something which seems to be severely underrated by those.

Oh and during kernel builds, I couldn't quite get the source to work - probably due to my lack of experience with builds of Android kernels - but I did find that this phone actually exposes its kernel config through /proc/config.gz as it should. None of my MediaTek devices do this, so that's something that I found really appealing. Always nice to see when a manufacturer exposes this information to give you a stock sort of config that you can be rest assured will work configuration-wise. And it allows you to see what the stock kernel is actually built with, which again is really nice. I quite like this! It really encourages further development.

Man in the event of some newcomers to the development game, those that will mostly work in the web domain or sys admins that are in training I want to offer some small advice:

Do not neglect vim

I know it might be a bitch to use at first. And I will never use it as a replacement to vs code. But fuuuuuck me I cannot count the number of times that vim wizardry has helped me when dealing with servers when dealing on a machine with windows and nothing but putty.

The thing is a lifesaver yo, and it makes for an impressive show when doing something in front of senior executives.

Learn it, love it, live by it

And exit is :q, save is :w, to copy and paste is :v then surround the text and then y to yank it and p to paste it.
:vsplit and :split are your friends and to move around splits is ctrl w and direction.

Good luck my friends. Stay classy.

Today I got a standing aviation by panel in my final year projects presentation. It was such an emotional moment and I went numb. I don't have an impressive grades so it meant a lot to me. I just wanted to share this somewhere please bear with me.
And to anyone out there who think that they can't make it, please just keep going. I just want to say, make your journey beautiful. If you love doing it, you won't care to reach some destination.

Big boss: Last year we had much more revenue and profits than our expectations, and this success is thanks to all of you. Thank you! You made an excellent work! Impressive!
Some employee: Can we all get a raise?
Big boss: Wtf that question again? No way!

Programming Languages are Like Cars:

Assembler: A formula I race car. Very fast but difficult to drive and maintain.

FORTRAN II: A Model T Ford. Once it was the king of the road.

FORTRAN IV: A Model A Ford.

FORTRAN 77: a six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard transmission and no seat belts.

COBOL: A delivery van. It's bulky and ugly but it does the work.

BASIC: A second-hand Rambler with a rebuilt engine and patched upholstery. Your dad bought it for you to learn to drive. You'll ditch it as soon as you can afford a new one.

PL/I: A Cadillac convertible with automatic transmission, a two-tone paint job, white-wall tires, chrome exhaust pipes, and fuzzy dice hanging in the windshield.

C++: A black Firebird, the all macho car. Comes with optional seatbelt (lint) and optional fuzz buster (escape to assembler).

ALGOL 60: An Austin Mini. Boy that's a small car.

ALGOL 68: An Aston Martin. An impressive car but not just anyone can drive it.

Pascal: A Volkswagon Beetle. It's small but sturdy. Was once popular with intellectual types.

liSP: An electric car. It's simple but slow. Seat belts are not available.

PROLOG/LUCID: Prototype concept cars.

FORTH: A go-cart.

LOGO: A kiddie's replica of a Rolls Royce. Comes with a real engine and a working horn.

APL: A double-decker bus. It takes rows and columns of passengers to the same place all at the same time but it drives only in reverse and is instrumented in Greek.
Ada: An army-green Mercedes-Benz staff car. Power steering, power brakes, and automatic transmission are standard. No other colors or options are available. If it's good enough for generals, it's good enough for you.

Java: All-terrain very slow vehicle.

I’m a college senior now. The best CS class I ever took was in high school. Our teacher didn’t know how to write software, instead he went around on day one and has us submit proposals for year long projects.

With each project, we had to find mentors in the industry who could help us if we got blocked. Every other week we meet with the teacher (who was more a facilitator) and described how the project was coming.

The results? We had final products that were well beyond the expectations of a high school and more impressive than any project I’ve seen at my university.

Why can’t all STEM programs be like that? Students have incredible ability, but are blocked by traditional education. Let students set the bar.

Blender animation playback under
Windows - 9.1 fps
Arch - 10.6 fps

Impressive! Both are too slow to be usable (curse my shitty laptop) but hey, I'll gladly take that 1.5 fps improvement.

That's an impressive algorithm there, cdkeys. You found nothing in 2ms.
Well done.
Well.
Done.
*slow clap*

Am I the last one here late to the party? Just try out and impressed by VSCode and this is my thoughts about the editors:

- I have been loyal to Sublime Text for like 5+ years, cannot complain much.
- Notepad++ was my first love, but absent on Linux so got to say goodbye.
- VSCode is the latest I try out and very rare one I could spend a couple of hours to dive into its settings to make it easier to use. The extensions are impressive!
- Atom, Bracket, and those blabla of their kind are bullshit.
- Jetbrains products are heavy ass, I can't even take a note!
- Vim is great too, but it's not the thing that I can just "open up and start typing".
- Have no idea about Emacs, but supposedly it's nowhere near its UI-friendly brothers, so I give no patience.

To be able to code blind folded - literally. A few years back when the web speech synthesis apis came out and chat bots were raging I thought it would be cool to dictate pseudo code on the fly whole whiteboard the problem. When I investigated the easiest way to implement a mvp I was shocked to learn that there are BLIND programmers.

That alone is impressive and I went on to find that many have years of experience and add valuable contributions on a regular basis. Unfortunately I havnt had an opportunity to meet one yet but I am in utter awe of their accomplishment.

Should I get the chance I want to try and walk in their shoes, live a day without my eyes and learn to solve problems without spotting a pattern

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@Everyone, I would like to congratulate @Haxk20 on being the victor of our little upvote fight.

It was a hard battle, and although I was ahead briefly, I would like to name @Haxk20 the victor!

Starting ++:
@Haxk20: 36,872
@C0D4: 35,401

As of post:
@Haxk20: 39,935
@C0D4: 38,454

That's an impressive: 6,116 up votes in total from everyone involved.

As I have noticed requests for the repo, i would like to state It will be deleted, but I will re-release it as an empty template in the event others want to use it later - as per our original agreement.

Have you worked on something impressive and wanted to tell a non-programmer about it?
You start to figure out a way to say it, but then you decide 'nah they will not get it'.

But you still want to talk about it with someone so bad... Its super unsatisfying to not be able to explain this tech shit to the people you like.

If you were a pilot, you could say shit like 'i landed a plane during a storm while eating a burrito' and everyone would be like omg thats amazing.

What do I have to say? I made an auto pilot system for a plane, so that a pilot can land it during storm while eating a fucking burrito.. what's their response?

ehm okay <crickets chirping>
🖕🖕

!!inspiration to rant

To all people who feel lonely at smoochentinesday: 😘
Get your most EPIC, FUCKED UP or IMPRESSIVE dev-related story out and rant it on here!

The comments will help you to get over it, you poor, lonely, grievy flower. 😉

Happy valentines-slay!

Salesman: "The new version is super impressive for <10 minutes of verbal bullet points>"
Me: Have you fixed any of the bugs we reported in the current version?
Salesman: "Don't worry, the new version uses a totally new codebase, so there are no bugs in it."

Getting really tired of newer devs in the OSS world re-creating something that has been around for decades, slapping a flashy logo on it, and saying they invented a "blazing fast", "under 200 LOC" way to do something.

"Under X lines of code!!1" is not impressive. It just means you don't understand how abstraction works.

I once worked at a small dev shop with a team of about 5. I was the lead but I was also the only backend developer. Since it was such a small company I also managed the Datacenter... which we had in our building. It was messy, but impressive. Although I seemed to be always stressed and felt like my job was always on the line... I do miss how excited I got when I learned something new. I was then able to talk to my boss about how excited I was to learn it and I can't wait to learn something new. I'm sad because I don't get that excited anymore. Now, I'm not really learning anything new, I'm just posting my skills as a developer. It really bums me out. I only wish that I had a degree in computer science so I can become a teacher and see my students get as excited as I was.

I finally fucking did it!

I strapped up, strapped in, strapped on... uh wait what?

I finally made the full dedicated switch to linux on my personal computer. Blew away Windows and installed linux. I was able to get about 95% of the games that I actually play on PC to run under a combo of proton/lutris-wine.

I feel like after working in a (primarily) linux shop for almost 2 years now, I've learned enough to be able to actually troubleshoot if/when something goes wonky. I've been a windows/sysadmin type in my career for about 8 years and only touched small bits of linux here and there or for fun little projects like a retropie setup.

But thanks to this gig I'm working at now, as a devops engineer, I've learned so got'damn much about linux and I've been developing scripts/tools that run on linux I figured I could, or better yet 'should', take the full plunge.

So, I've decided that if there's something I absolutely need on Windows that Linux doesn't support, instead of knee-jerking and going back to Windows, I'm going to just setup a VM of windows and daily drive Linux from now on.

Some gfx tweaks for games were definitely necessary, it's still not quite as plug and play as Windows for games, but the fact that it only took like 1.5 hours to sort out all of my games performance is really impressive. Especially, considering none of these games actually supports linux out of the box and Wine/Proton is being used to get them to work.

Impressive :-P

Most of my impressive work gets done within the last hour of the workday.

Wow! Google's update in its privacy policy is impressive. Still too lazy to read it though. I trust Google. LOL

I believe this was the last attempt I had at doing a project for this customer before I just stopped replying to emails. I cannot emphasise enough how brutal it was communicating with this person. This was years ago. I'll keep it simple:

Customer: "Yeah so we need this page to look *exactly* like this. I've attached a picture, and I'll need this done soon because we're running a newsletter campaign soon."

Me: "Alright, I'll have it done by the end of the week." (I paid a student to do it, their work was impressive, it looked *EXACTLY* like the picture, but was now a functional web page)

*end of week*

Customer: "This is too exact!! I was hoping you guys would have some creativity, and have it do this and that!"

Me: "You said exact, we made it exact. I can do additional work to it."

Customer: "Well, we're not paying for additional work!!"

I left it at that.

Yesterday I got stoned as never before with a few friends of mine. I don't remember everything, but appearantly I coded a neural network using synaptic.js that teaches itself addition. That's impressive because it's my first NN ever.

Also, my friends are pissed now, because I was on my laptop the whole time doing "some advanced IT stuff".

That's one impressive Formula 1 lap record for the upcoming race in Singapore!

...Time to notify the Formula 1 app Devs.

Did you know Chris Sawyer developed rollercoaster tycoon almost entirely in assembly?

Almost as impressive as Temple OS.

Okay. For fuck sakes, writing complex code that's meant to handle "everything" and is "super generic" can be a fuck up. Like just keep shit simple. THAT is the show of great and impressive work. Over engineering is not it. Yes your shit works and yes your shit is fancy but was it needed? How long did it even take you for this over kill? How long will it take the next person to understand or not.
Someone now has to sit and run through your shit to get what you were doing. Instead of just being able to look and once and have it all figured out.
Keep things simple.
Lost 2 hours on bullshit 🤬

Company: Hi mordax, your profile shows you have an impressive background -
Me: Oh!
Company: So I'd like to extend an invitation-
Me: Oh!!! (Interview!!)
Company: - to a Women in Tech(™) event hosted by the company.
Me: Oh.

I just got trolled by Amazon.
LOL and FML.

Be me, super busy with tons of things to do trying to prioritize tasks and jiggle jaggle from one thing to another.
Then i get a call from an Amazon representative, which I know:

Her: You should join the AWS Founders Club, you will get a lot of benefits.
Me: I don't really want to, I already looked into it and the process is long.
Her: You should do it, you got what it takes. Just register through this link..
Me: O.k.

1 day later

AMAZON: Unfortunately, we have to inform you that at this time we aren't able to accept your application. Though your startup story is impressive, your startup isn't at the right place in its journey to benefit from what the AWS Founders Club can offer.

WHAT A FUCKING WASTE OF TIME!
I didn't even want to join in the first place!!! What is this next level of trolling?!

What is starting out progaming without explaining to your parents why you making an object move when you press a key, is not only impressive but also took you 15 hours to learn?

Managed to land 2 interviews:

The first one was for a startup that was looking for a react programmer (I've never used react before).

The later was a php job at a big company. They told me they used cakephp which is a framework I had not used before either.

Still, I'm more familiar with php than react so I felt more confident with the second interview. However, I felt there was a lot of good chemistry going on in the first interview.

The interviewer was incredibly nice (he was the lead dev, not an HR person as opposed to the second interviewer)

He gave me a small react test to be completed within a week. I barely managed to do it in time but I felt good about the solution.

Just as I was sending it, I get a call from the second interviewer saying I landed the php job.

I wasn't sure if my novice react skills would be impressive enough to secure me the react job (and I really needed a job) so I accepted.

After explaining everything to the guy who was interviewing me for the react job, he understood and was kind enough to schedule a code review where he walked through my novice code explaining what could be improved, helping me learn more in the process.

I regret not accepting the react position. The PHP they got me working with is fucking PHP5 with Cake2 :/

Don't get me wrong, I like the salary and the people are nice but the tech stack they're using (lacking source control by the way!), as well as all the lengthy meetings are soul-draining.

An online community I've been part of for years has seen a lot of popularity/hate overnight due to a new policy. The influx of new people who want nothing to do with us but just drop by to troll and be cunts is impressive. Also, a significant amount of bots. I want my online home back :( I'm for the new policy and very much against these new clowns who don't really have any reason to be on our page. Before anyone yells gatekeeping, it's a site about knitting and crochet. Why would you go there if you don't know either craft and have no desire to learn or talk about those? So disappointed. I hope it brought new crafters in and that the trolls will go away soon. It's been such a nice place for so long with barely any idiots because it was reasonably small.. And now look at this mess. I logged in to 20 friend requests from people I don't know and am almost certain aren't real people.

Why is it so hard for humans to accept that some people may disagree with them and that's okay?

Spelling your own name wrong as well, now that's impressive!

Had to go to a toilet real bad at a supermarket-restaurant combo, there was only one stall and someone hadn't flushed.

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but the toilet bowl contained the most impressive turd I have ever seen in my life.

You should've seen it. I went to the handicap bathroom instead

It's impressive how much root can actually get you, that's debian running xfce on my lg g3 and chromium.

It's always nice to know that you can have a portable server etc. straight from your phone. I even used that kind of setup as a portable laptop some time ago and it worked quite well.

What things did you do via chrooted linux on android devices? would be interesting to know if somebody maybe is still using it as some kind of laptop as I did.

First class coffee-machineship in play here.

My Final Year Project used robotics, speech recognition, body mapping and it was possibly the coolest thing I've ever done. I did it to be balls out ambitious as I wanted an impressive project to help me get a job...

I have a 4S I leave lying around and most apps are dogs on it or crash.

Not DevRant app, though. Pretty solid. Impressive job.

My new phone - the Motorola C Plus - has insane battery life.
Took it off charge Monday 07:30am with 100% battery.
It's now Thursday 11:00pm and it still has 10% battery.
You're looking at 90 hours Standby right there. Damm, Motorola.
I put it on Airplane mode when I sleep and have the screen brightness turned down, but still.
That's impressive.

Share your look-busy scripts

I'm talking about some script, or command(s) which output impressive garbage to the screen. For instance, `tree / | od` or `ping google.ca | xxd` might be enough to dazzle an executive, but to really ensnare a fellow dev, you need to get a bit more complex.

So let's see those scripts! From stupid simple, to application-level complex, I wanna see 'em all! :D

I think God is a developer. I have to say a most impressive feat, even for God, is the idiot algorithm. It has persisted through millennia of attempts to remove it, but it just keeps refining itself. While it's incredibly brief, its functions are yet to find an environment in which they cannot operate. It's full adaptable to any task, impressively modular, and self replicating.

No matter how what problem you present it with the idiot algorithm can always find a solution. It never leaves well enough alone. It can even give you an answer before everything is fully processed!

Finally I was able to look into css grids in more detail and gotta say it's impressive, also "grid-template-areas" made me chuckle for a bit, at how unusual and easy you can define layouts (even compatible with media queries!), which are also heavily obvious and readable, reminds me of the old games where characters were just symbols.

How surprising is it when a person designs code in a very clear and impressive structure and just when you think about asking them for guidance, they reveal themselves to be complete turds?

I've been working with this person's "infra" code, at work. I've rewritten some classes to use their infra. I had a vague idea of how the classes work. I had no idea of how their code works. Expectedly, there were some issues but now only minor ones remain.
I asked them for a description of what I'm supposed to do for the few bugs I'm facing. They replied in such a condescending tone, it made me want to punch them through the screen.
Almost a month later, we're still going back and forth with emails. I've been swallowing it and responding calmly. I never got direct answers. Always deflections to irrelevant things or veiled insults. I took it because they did correct one silly error of mine that actually my code reviewer should've caught. (What's worse is that it got introduced by me just before my review and commit.)
But does that give them the right to insult me in front of the whole team including my project manager? I got a reply today from them with everyone of note in cc implying very clearly that I have not done any work. They highlighted a line from my code with some todo tag (that was not meant for them) to make their invalid point. A line that's unrelated to the bug I asked them about. This is after I proved them wrong when they insisted that I had done something wrong about a feature related to the bug.

If you don't understand what I asked for fucking ask me to ask again. But do not fucking try establish yourself on higher ground by pointing out irrelevant things in my code.
I was shocked and enraged that they'd do such a thing. I double checked everything like a mad man. Despite knowing that the fix has to come from them, I was instantly transported to the noob stage, grasping at straws. I wanted to send a really scathing reply right away but my manager asked me to wait.

My mind is now a see saw shifting between a panicked noob questioning every fucking thing I ever did in my nada life and a hungry enraged monster looking to maul that fucking shithead for burning me like that.

I started watching Silicon Valley some days back. Just finished season-1. I'm fucking sad and pissed off right now... No, don't get me wrong...Silicon Valley is good. I loved it.
Problem is, there is an Indian YouTube series called TVF Pitchers which had almost same story as silicon valley. I loved that series, when I watched it in 2015, after completing that I really was very impressive with the channel because of the originality and very off-the-track plot. Now after watching Silicon valley, I'm fucking sad... THEY JUST FUCKING COPY PASTED IT. yeah, some people with their "courtroom skills" will tell me that no it was different story... Fuck you! It was a copy and that's it. They removed Gilfoyle character and there was no product information in entire series... That was the biggest change in it. But overall it was a copy... A fucking copy.

The problem is they themselves, in their other videos, make fun of our movies/songs because of them being copied... Now, they are fucking doing it on their own.

I know it's not much related to devRant. Sorry about that.

Some times back, I joined a startup and they pitched in their idea as if they created it on their own... Later I found out that the same idea is running in a successful Palo Alto based company. And just like TVF Pitchers, they also used to make fun of an Indian e-commerce startup (a big one) because it was a copy of Amazon... THEN WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!!!

I don't know, but for some reason I just fucking hate it. Everybody here is busy copy fucking pasting US. They laugh at others, but they are also same... I'm going through Peter Theil's Zero to One.. and the book is making much more sense to me now.

Widget "hack" in secondary.

When I was around 13 or 14 I was enrolled at a public school in the UK. In an effort to try be eco friendly, the students and a IT technicain teamed up to try and create a widget that would track the consumption of printer credit used by all users (staff and students).

At first, I was just playing around with the homepage source code but eventually noticed the widget had separate code within the page.

Because all of the computers were interconnected, I grabbed the source code of the home page and put it into a notepad editor.

I used the intranet to look up staff names and student login usernames. I replaced my user ID with several staff members.

Boom, I could see how much paper they had used, how much they owed the library etc. May not be as impressive as others exploits but some staff were in debt by hundreds and never paid back a penny.

Hope you liked my story.

Making calls, meetings, and "brainstorming" half-baked features or designs or any other slop bullshit for 12 hours a day?

Wow, you are an impressive "startup bro"!!!

Coding, testing, running emulators, tests, reading technical documentation, ensuring product success in the real world, and implementing efficient full stack software for 12 hours a day?

Fuck you!!!

These are the expectations of management. Just remember, what they do is "extremely difficult", but you are simply just a resource queue that takes input and converts it to real-world implementation.

Give me a fucking break

!rant

I know it's not that impressive in the dev world, but I'm finally making six figures (the lowest six figure value possible but STILL) and I can't really brag to my friends about dollar amounts so HURRAH. Accepted the offer yesterday, and I'm quite pleased about it.

Annoyed that it took so long (I'm 29), but I did have a two year long career break for a family medical issue/travel/quarter life crisis, so so it goes.

Ok, this is a little impressive. Sega GT 2002 (dumped from my original Xbox I totally have) crashes to this if I don't have a Dashboard loaded.

Cxbx handles this.

That's kinda cool.

Fiddling with the UiPath RPA tool. What the fuck is this monster?

So, you create apps by drawing a flowchart, like some kid using Scratch. Then, suddenly, you have to create a .NET object just to get a random number!

Who the fuck is the target audience that can create objects, call a directory read function, etc, but can't write a loop?! Show me that fucking person.

Then I have to debug the fucking selectors when they don't work correct. All this requires is understanding how UIs are structured under the hood. So, you know that a menu bar is a window, but you need to draw a fucking if statement?!

And how would you debug and manage this monstrosity?

It like we learned nothing from all the Excel apps we build for decades.

I mean, it's an impressive app. But, why does it exist?

Someone needs to stop this before it gets out into the wild or we'll all be debugging flowchart a created by business analysts.

You have been warned. Join the fight or accept the consequences.

Musk's OpenAI beat the top professional Dota2 players in the World. That's pretty impressive. AI has a lot of potential for the future. BTW, any Dota2 players here? My son complains that he ends up on Teams that don't speak English. Dota2 can be modded. Imagine a mod that interfaces with Google Translate and does on the fly translation. Beyond my experience level. Way beyond.

My dev lead is a uniquely poor leader with an impressive ability to produce a large amount inflexible, temporarily functional code.

As we're in another pair programming session where I try to keep him from destroying over all type safety and architectural decisions to meet a self imposed demo deadline, he keeps trying to access properties of his state.

This state object is incorrectly typed with an anonymous type with incorrect properties.

Despite repeating calmly stating that the object is incorrectly typed, and that's why there are red underlines when he tries to access a property he knows is in there, he insists that that's not correct.

Finally, he knowingly says that he's figured it out and that he's been doing this for many years.

What was the solution you might ask? (state as any).myProperty;

Truly breathtaking mastery.

Just got access to OpenAI beta. This thing is seriously impressive. The attached image shows it summarizing a paragraph from Friedrich Nietzsche. Apart from that, I have tried summarizing a complex Math Algo which I found on Wikipedia, getting specs for building a new PC, and also improving my Startup Idea. The results were astonishing. I can't imagine what possibilities it can have in the future.

At the same time, I can clearly see why they are not allowing open access to their APIs. The potential for abuse is so high here. Especially when most of our population is full of digital idiots.

Got my first technical job with no interview. Well, let me explain.

A recruiting firm contacted about my resume that it was impressive. *I didn't have any corporate experience in there. Just school projects, personal projects and internship.

I had a quick phone interview with them and also asked me for an in person interview that same week on Wednesday. After that interview, the guy asked if I could come back for some paperwork because they have found a job for me to start the next Monday. This was exciting.

Monday at the new job, I dressed up in fitted suit and all thinking the company will also interview me. I walked in and the director was like, "welcome, you know you don't have to dress up for this job right? Feel free!" They took me to me workstation with an already clean set up.

I was confused and my stupidity asked: "what time is the interview?". The immediate supervisor I was going to be working with replied, "no need for that. We got you because of your skills. That's all we need so we both went water each other's time".

Long story short, I worked with them for almost a year but due to financial issues they couldn't extend my contract. However, the director got me a new permanent job at one of his friends office and says he will hire me back in a heartbeat if things go well at his place.

I kind of feel bad leaving the recruiter because he was one of those who actually cared and willing to help entry level.

Is it me or these keynotes are getting less and less impressive?

Epic fail. I use a sleep timer in my music player and it occasionally fails to stop and clear the actual timer. It even perpetuates through when I actually turn off my phone, which is rather quite impressive. This is what I find when I turn my phone back on after the weekend. I don't even know how it's possible to have still been going when my phone is off... 🤔

Was recently asked if our team wanted to change from Java to Kotlin so I looked over the feature lists but don't see much that's impressive.

One argument was less boilerplate code but I think they're are libraries like Lomboq that can write that stuff for you.

The other was smart type casting and type inference and to that I'm like this sounds like giving monkeys a hammer.

Our JS codebase looks like shit... And our Java app just crashed in prod.

Getting a ton of text messages this morning and thankfully I'm on vacation still...

The error is not caused by NPE... but how some or logic spammed the db..

A new language isn't going to fix this.... And a team that writes this sort of shit logic clearly shows they are incapable of learning a new one probably...

They are already script kiddies... Don't need them to become babies...

Statistics. Tbh, it is way more. Didn't use the codeium plugin for a long time. Regarding key presses i'm in the 0.10%. Longest streak is not impressive. 21 on codeium and 40 on github or so.

At this moment I'm very happy with the plugin, it knows me completely. * tab tab tab *. Almost always knows what I want to do. It advanced a lot last year, I did quit a few times on it last year for few months because it often sucked. Now it's perfect. Especially under VIM it's very cool!

SE != CS

I didn't know this when I started my CS education. The dean of CS undergrad said "we are not here to make programmers" and I was so confused, but now I get it. CS is about the fancy theory and the boring Turing machines and what not. I don't want to do that! I want to write something impressive and awesome and cool-looking!

I wish they would have told me the difference.

"Where Python might boast that there's "one and preferably only one way to do something", Ruby relished expressiveness and subtlety. Where Java championed forcefully protecting programmers from themselves, Ruby included a hanging rope in the welcome kit. Where smalltalk drilled a purity of message passing, Ruby accumulated keywords and constructs with an almost gluttonous appetite."

The worst technology i had to deal with was probably a piece of hardware. It was a mini-pc combined with sensors and digital IOs and thus, it should have been able to do process control all by itself.

At that time, there was hardware that did that, but this one had an intel cpu, windows embedded and some powerful libraries pre-installed.

Sounds good, didn't work. The thing was so unstable and buggy and crashed on everything. The sensor part had lots of parameters and the right order was trial and error, documentation didn't match behavior, fixes promised but never delivered.

Lucky for us: it was just a demokit, no real project.

I still remember it with a smile. We got in contact to that company at a trade fair and they had most impressive booth. I also remember their companies image movie from their homepage with developers in dark labs with holographic monitors and the boss in his shiny bright office as he looked out of the window and quoted a famous german author.

Hilarious and sad. :-)

Not my story, but something that my friend did which inspired me a lot. So, a friend of mine who just graduated with a bachelor's in physics, had a month off after one of his semesters, and while most of us ended up doing internships in companies, he decided to do something else. He decided to go up to a local mechanic and ask him to teach him how to repair bikes for a month. Now in India, a mechanic is sadly one of the least reputed jobs, so for him to go there and work for free was unusual. After working there, he told me about the things he learned and to what an amazing extent he could apply that practical knowledge he gained. It was truly impressive. Which is why I have decided to do something like this in the future as well. With enough savings, I'm sure all of could survive a month. I can't even begin to imagine the potential of this, you could learn so much practically.

Alarm clock Pi that reads news headlines and weather cast to me in the morning.

Not impressive but it’s the project I enjoyed most..

God I hate it when devs complain about not having a decent job 😠 And then they're like "Oh, I've been looking for the past 6 months, but every company just ignores me"

Look, hate to be the one to break it to you, but companies are constantly searching for devs, and many companies have such shortage of quality devs, they'll take just about anyone with even remotely relevant skills as long as they have a decent attitude. If you can't find a decent job in this market, well, it's either that nobody needs a dev who spent the last 10 years doing basic UI and simple NodeJS apps, or they don't want a dev who loudly shits on new technologies while acting like their GitHub profile is impressive enough.

It's impressive how slow the archive compression/decompression in Windows 11 is slow...

Rant!

F-ck ”senior” developer that have not created ANY real value for over a year.

I mean, it is pretty impressive. The incompetence. F-ck!

This is the same guy I have been discussing earlier and he create such a toxic environment for me.

Aaaaaaaah!!!

But in my new role I don’t have to talk with him so often. But I know others are and they are not so … happy, either.

But I just get angry and depressed having to listen to him.

I give this team at maximum two years then I have to leave.

If only kids exam results were as impressive as their Snapchat streaks...

4 really basic questions. Things you can't get through 1st year undergrad without knowing. One was testing you understand references, one testing understanding of inheritance, then exception handling... Then a bit of a tricky one: what happens when you query 2 tables in sql without a join. That took me a second because it's just not something I'm used to doing.

So yeah it's pretty basic stuff. At this point I was used to writing fairly long code snippets and quizzes with lots of gotchas that make the interviewers feel really smart. I think "ok they basically want to make sure I'm not totally useless and they're fine with training me". But noooooo. Being able to answer all that correctly is really impressive. That's never happened before. I'm a fucking prodigy.

So I got the job and I alternate between thinking I'm in Idiocracy and thinking the reception I get is some sort of elaborate joke

What I can't stand is when someone "name drops" a company they previously worked at. Such as, "...back when I worked at <insert Xxxsoft>" or "At <so and so place> we did things differently..."

We get it, your résumé is impressive. But it especially peeves me when they've been working at their current job for over a year and still mentions their old jobs.

1. I also worked at <XXXX-place> and it wasn't all that impressive.
2. If it was SO great, why aren't YOU still working there?

laravel is a very serious framework

there is a laravel this for every that

I have to deal with npm too? impressive

was looking for a simple to learn framework just to take my mind of js and someone recommended laravel.

def best and worst dev experience from 2016 was a 4 week advanced dev boot camp for work. it was a smaller classroom with about 20 experienced devs in it. it was bright in there. a lot of strong minds backed by strong opinions and even loud voices at times, these are devs after all(so picture that for 1 month straight, 8 hr days). first 2 weeks was all new stuff. it was like a waterfall on head. I kept getting paired with weakest person in the camp for the weekly clone projects which didn't help matters for me or her. after the second week I started to grasp what we were doing and they started mixing up the groups. by the last week most everyone in the camp had learned so much, we had come so far we all kinda bonded through the experience. the final projects Imo were all very impressive. we were all pretty proud of ourselves I'd say. I never learned so much in such a short period of time. immersive training is the only way to go. those week long standard lecture lab workbook tech training courses are weak!! u wanna learn something, u gotta get in there and get dirty with it.

App development in 2019:

1. Open app A
2. Open completely unrelated app B.
3. Scrolling in App B changes the sound in App A. Not raising or lowering volume, mind, but full on dropping samples and warbling the sound.

It's almost impressive how fucked up that is.

19 Oct: EU approves Microsoft purchase of Github
21 Oct: (see attached)
Coincidence...? 🤔

I know Microsoft have an impressive track record for taking promising and/or popular products and turning them to shit but they've really outdone themselves this time with their immediacy.

All of the basic features of the rewrite have been successfully implemented! Ranting, commenting and even different types of posts have been implemented.

In 1 fucking month. Fuck, if that’s not impressive I don’t know what would be honestly.

Now - time for notifications.

Have you ever wanted a feature to be a certain way but you had to settle with something easier and less cool/impressive?

I just had to and it’s very dissatisfying.

Daily life on this project: tickets are blocked by test env. Fucking impressive server ops team we have here, took a month to add 1 test user.

I keep thinking that I need to set up my site for a portfolio or something, but then I remembered that I'm really bad at coming up with designs.

Have tried to look up some other sites for inspiration, but I always get these really impressive sites that me feel even more potato :c

So, because some apple user burned down the great snek application i had to do business with browser stack and boy, what an email spam i got from those fuckers. I hope they really read their input. Idiots. Same as rocket chat, just suffering under their marketing department. Unethical beasts. Straight out, losers.

Besides that, impressive software, shouldn't need that much marketing.

1. finally something listens and does as i say
2. direct human interaction is not neccessary
3. creation out of nothing is still impressive

Stop in a middle of a project and come back a few months later. Decide to rewrite everything in latest flavor of JavaScript, then stop in the middle of rewrite. rinse and repeat... This is why I don't have an impressive portfolio yet.

What the holy fuck! Resharper is fucking dog shit! I've never used it before and just had to install for a new job. Visual studio was running great on my machine with 32GB ram and i7 processor. Installed resharper and it just doesn't work. How the fuck does anyone get any work done when it takes literally seconds to register a click! I get it's features are impressive but it means fuck all if it stops me working

Blake 1803: 📜"To see a World in a Grain of Sand And a Heaven in a Wild Flower"
🌏🏖🌌🌻
Me 2017: 📱Impressive compression ratio, but what is the complexity of Sand to World decompression?

I just tested a VPS and it was kind of impressive: I just had shared hosting until now and it is a total difference when you're having full root access.
Kind of hating these greedy shared hosting fuckers now ;)
Because it was just for testing purposes, I wanted to try the mysterious command "rm -rf / --no-preserve-root".
It was working for around 5 minutes and after that literally no command worked anymore!
Not even reboot worked :P
Then I tried reboot it via the VPS panel :) End of the story: vps panel chrashed with error message: unable to start vps :P
I thought it was kind of funnny and nice to share & thanks for reading 'til here!

This is really annoying when you’ve good paid job with really good coworkers but you want to change it... I always wanted to be a programmer but when I started my work in IT trade I got job as administrator... several years have passed and now changing my job is a big deal (degradation of my salary to 1/2 of actually). I don’t know what should I do... my programming skills is not impressive...I know java a bit with spring boot , hibernate and some other things(totally junior lvl of these skills)... but I think it’s not enough...this is really hard situation :/

Not my 'first' but the first outside of stupid little toy projects.

I got an internship back in 2016 while I was in 11th grade. Mine was sort of a college doing community outreach, so yeah, not really impressive of an internship.

But my manager handed me a Micro:Bit. At the time, there were like 1000 in the U.S. the U.K. was brainstorming, including them in school curriculums. My manager just told me to experiment and see what I could do with it.

Minimal requirements Minimal guidance outside of ideas now and then (he had doctorate students to manage so I get it lol), so I started just doing stupid small things with the micro python, the language the minimal back then documentation reccomended, like a 'lowest of poly' crazy taxi thing.

But by the end, I hacked together some HORRIBLY written C++ to get 2 of them to communicate. 1 always powered and gets a state from the other at regular intervals. The other is powered by a hand crank and sending the direction of the crank to the other.

I forget what the end goal was. But it was fun to learn, and thinking back, I did a lot in just 8 weeks

My manager gave me the first Micro:Bit on my last day. I don't do anything with it anymore. But it's a fun memory.

It was also around that time I found DevRant and needed you guys to knock my ego down a few pegs when my head over inflated, lol.

I seem to have this impressive ability, where I can manage to absolutely nothing for hours, and still be fine with it... I believe I need to be more productive, but I can't seem to find any reason to

Just switched from gzip to brotli compression and I have to say I am impressed! Google may suck in some regards but brotli is awesome ☺️

It's honestly impressive how bad some Microsoft products are.

Recruiter: ‘Dear PsCustomObject,

I checked your profile and your experience with JavaScript is impressive and I wanted to gauge your interest with company XY...’

Too bad nowhere in my profile JS is mentioned as I don’t use it (and would love a better life knowing it is not out there anymore).

well folks, i've truly seen it all. an impressive an informative post on all there is to know about TypeScript, about time, since it's only 2023 and I've been waiting for this for so long!

...

"note: the syntax" 😂

remember that at the end of the day, this guy is employed, and i am not...

in all seriousness though, it's mind boggling to me these companies that market themselves as software or developer companies (or "professional" developers themselves) STILL aren't building their web apps using TypeScript

inb4 javascript maximalists / purists - come back after you've built and had to maintain multiple 10K LOC webapps and tell me that typescript didn't help you

🤡🌎🤡🌎🤡🌎🤡🌎🤡🌎

Wow, I'm such impressed by the power of Visual Studio with Team Collaboration, DB Management and this impressive packet manager... But it's like "don't try to understand, just code"

!dev

How do smart (and, I presume, well-educated) people get an idea like "Oh, I know what this world needs, another video where someone scientifically disproves a story from the Bible" or "I should commemorate the new year by telling everyone how insignificant this day is for the universe"? How does someone spend years traveling the world, giving speeches about science, teaching curious people about physics, history, mathematics, chemistry, the space, etc., and then figure that the next thing they should share from their impressive knowledge is an edgy video disproving some old story or tradition?

People who write php and laravel together as their skills are the same who think knowing Microsoft word is the most impressive thing about them. Because notepad is too mainstream.

This is just me throwing out my thoughts from the past few weeks.

edit: this is long

> Working on a C# project. its going well Its teaching me a lot about SQLite and file IO. I'm having a lot of fun with it, even the debugging as much I want to slam my head on the wall but I'm not asking for help so far and I'm very proud of myself because it feels so much better. like I don't mind asking for help but its so much more rewarding and I learn more from it.

> I need portfolio of software I can show off to employers and the current project I'm working on is the first programs in the portfolio. The place I want to apply to uses C#, but I still wanted a few other programs in other languages such as Python or JS just to show what I'm capable of.

> I was looking at what ASP.NET Core offers and it impresses the fuck out of me, and confuses me. The parts that confuse me, like for example the normal asp webapp is a very impressive hello world app. and it has so many different files and such but how or what do they expect me to add? how am I supposed to work with it? and if I delete any files I don't need (the premade js, bootstrap, jquery, html, and css) it produces errors because of the project files are pointing to those. and i know I can use the empty project (I do) but does that question my ability as a dev since I don't want to use it for my projects?

> On that note I love using Intellisense and debuggers and auto complete and I can go without them I just don't want to rely on them. idk I've just been a little more stressed these past few weeks.

This year, 28 employees left my company or got fired. Currently, there are 28 still employed. In the start of the year, around 35 people were employed.

That's just impressive

Opinion | According to you, how impressive is it for a high schooler to submit a "general purpose scripting language that supports Object Orientation, closures, higher-order funcs." as a project for college admission given that the applicant implemented it from scratch and you know that hard work!!! ?

Honestly my midterm project from college. It was never a production project just supposed to go into my portfolio. Who knew that building a functional social media app in 3 months in a language you never knew is actually SO IMPRESSIVE to people that it alone gets you an internship and a job.

I'm a second year CS student from Spain, and I'm getting my first remote internship for 3 months with an US bussiness. It looks great and the project does as well. My mentor's experience is quite impressive. Anyway, I'm a bit concerned as long as it's a new bussiness and I don't know about the requirements to do this legally overseas/remote, and he hasn't been really clear about that (we're meeting tomorrow by Skype). I just want to be sure it's not a scam. Any advice? It will be apreciated so much.

A: Do you know Big O?
B: Yea I know Big O. Who doesn't know Big O?
A: So what's the Big O of X?
B: It's ....
A: Oh what about Y?
B: Oh that has a bigger Big O.
A: Hm... how about this one?
B: That's a really big Big O. Why not use mine?
A: Ooh that looks impressive, very small. So which Big O should we use?
B: Well there's a constant trade off, even though small is good, in this case I think the bigger one works better.

Why do companies waste serious cash in office parties? I'm talking about those hundred-thousand-dollar extravaganzas that major tech companies seem to be addicted to.

Poll after poll finds that most employees would rather have the cash, so "kissing the collective asses of tech staff so that they won't leave" is not an explanation that holds up.

The "Roman Triumph" explanation also does not make any sense. If rich assholes want to flex their immeasurable riches, why would they invite mere mortals that do not put a lot of effort in being famous or pretty? Couldn't they invite the entire Victoria's Secret catalogue of models and the NE Patriots? Surely it would make for much more impressive photos of decadence.

The "Michael Scott" explanation also falls short. Companies spend serious cash on consultants and professional party planners, that are sure to know a lot of people. Money can and often does buy personality, so no rich asshole is ever a party dud.

Why else do they force most of their own staff into what they perceive as a "do not relax or you may get fired" loud and poorly lit meeting that takes hours to dress up for? What am I missing?

I've been doing a bootcamp in my country, learned the basics with c#, did some small projects but nothing too impressive. I started also web I'm that bootcamp, learned the basics of html css and js.. then all this corona madness started and yes, we still have classes online but less times a week and it's way harder. I'm feeling a little lost with what to learn, how and scared I might never be able to get a job. Ps. First rant and it does feel better even tho no one will read the whole thing :p

I was evaluating a b2b enterprise software solution today. Mediocre except for their real-time analytic dashboard. They used Idashboards.com to analyze feed and display. Tableau is similar. Impressive.

I was tasked with reviving this mobile app purchased off the shelf. Initially, I was impressed with what I was seeing while perusing the codebase. I'm used to editing laravel projects written by handpicked amateurs. So this felt like a breath of fresh air. Coupled with the fact that I'd recently enquired on this very platform whether anyone has chanced upon an impressive code. All is going well, until

I start finding the multi layers of abstraction and indirection cryptic and obfuscatory; and that is coming from an idealist like me who advocates for "clean" patterns such as event emission. I wonder whether it would have helped if the emission or events were typed for easy listener tracking, instead of a black hole like vm.notifyListeners() (DOESN'T EVEN HAVE AN EVENT NAME!)

With time, I become disgusted by the tons of custom elements with so many parents

My take on production level user of the view model pattern: amazing in theory

One of the architectural decisions made on this project that had me foaming in the mouth, pulling my hair and cursing out the author's generations, past, present and future: can you believe these guys are APPENDING IMAGE DOMAINS TO THE RESOURCE? Ie the domain names are tightly coupled to the images and dictated by the api, instead of the client

If this isn't bad enough, the field names of returned entities/models don't exist on the database, of course because the stupid laravel framework abets this sort of madness by combining eloquent "scopes, attributes, and appends". A trifecta of horrors.

I eventual scaled through the horrors, but not without losing my admiration for the team behind it. App has returned to the shelves, because my company lost patience with my resuscitating it. They have the regular api authentication in place, but that's not good enough. They just had to integrate firebase as well, just because. Meanwhile, this isn't documented anywhere. I stumbled into it during my scuffle with app setup, gradle ish. Eventually got banned by firebase for "sending unusual requests". My company's last straw

See an impressive use of ai would be finding money saving loopholes like the dc metro

Probably acting. I loved to go to the acting course at school. Played a bigger role in a theatre play in that same school. I was more of a quiet guy, but had no problem turning into (most) roles and playing scenes.
Had a good friend who was part of a theatre club and passionate too, so working with him was even more fun.
My role-play seemed to be so impressive/surprising, that it was praised in the final year book by several anonymous comments inside my profile page.
Today I'm a CS grad and acting is still interesting, although it's unlikely that I will pursue this path.

So i am always looking for different sources to learn from. I just found a YouTube channel "the net ninja" and i must say. He is pretty damn good. I recommend him. He has a lot of different playlists to check out and learn from.

Not really an impressive one, but I think it's blasphemous enough to be mentioned:

Creating an embedded application, it was not supported to print a float using optimized libraries (understandable since they're not really supposed to be used anyways), but I was too lazy to convert clocks to a time unit by hand while running benchmarks. So I just printed the float as two integers, splitting it to one for the whole and one for the thousands.

Trying to make a nodejs backend is pure hell. It doesn't contain much builtin functionality in the first place and so you are forced to get a sea of smaller packages to make something that should be already baked in to happen. Momentjs and dayjs has thought nodejs devs nothing about the fact node runtime must not be as restrained as a browser js runtime. Now we are getting temporal api in browser js runtime and hopefully we can finally handle timezone hell without going insane. But this highlights the issue with node. Why wait for it to be included in js standard to finally be a thing. develop it beforehand. why are you beholden to Ecma standard. They write standards for web browser not node backend for god sake.

Also, authentication shouldn't be that complicated. I shouldn't be forced to create my own auth. In laravel scaffolding is already there and is asking you to get it going. In nodejs you have to get jwt working. I understand that you can get such scaffolding online with git clone but why? why express doesn't provide buildtin functions for authentication? Why for gods sake, you "npm install bcrypt"? I have to hash my own password before hand. I mean, realistically speaking nodejs is builtin with cryptography libraries. Hashmap literally uses hashing. Why can't it be builtin. I supposed any API needed auth. Instead I have to sign and verfiy my token and create middlewares for the job of making sure routes are protected.

I like the concept of bidirectional communication of node and the ugly thing, it's not impressive. any goddamn programming language used for web dev should realistically sustain two-way communication. It just a question of scaling, but if you have a backend that leverages usockets you can never go wrong. Because it's written in c. Just keep server running and sending data packets and responding to them, and don't finalize request and clean up after you serve it just keep waiting for new event.

Anyway, I hope out of this confused mess we call nodejs backend comes clean solutions just like Laravel came to clean the mess that was PHP backend back then.

Express is overrated by the way, and mongodb feels like a really ludicrous idea. we now need graphql in goddamn backend because of mongodb and it's cousins of nosql databases.

I thought 242 errors per hour was an impressive feat, but in another project I got topped by one of my seniors with 18130 errors per minute. Guess I'm still a rookie in that regard 😔

Junior angular dev, looking for some fun projects to throw on my github. I haven't done any coding for my public github since I started working full time, so it looks like I'm MIA! Want to show off my newly gained skills :)

Anything html/css/boostrap/js/jquery/angular/jasmine/karma/node I'm down for, or if you've got any fun projects related to web development (backend, DB, etc) that's an unfamiliar language I'd probably take a shot at that too!

I built a portfolio before and deployed it to digital ocean and assigned it to my own google purchased .com, but that's the most "impressive" thing I've done so far.

@SidTheITGuy - please help enlighten me. You claimed 1 was Ignorant of Indians... you may just be right... so im coming straight to you about this specific, foreign topic. Im assuming you have expertise with softcolon, right???

So... Ive had one hell of a day (well... a month and still pretty hell of a yr tbh)...

Due to some work-related reason to look at an associate's LinkedIn, I ended up curiously clicking the profile of a sole respondent to a post...

ROFLOL (near literally-- extremely rare for me).

I read it like 10x... going through every, oftenly plausible rationale for what I was making sure wasn't just dyslexia, thinking in non-english, some typo or even some new trendy crap that i was unaware of.

Do to my tendency to avoid tons of new dev/tech terms...
I even briefly wondered if it was some new term for using whitespace formatting instead of semicolons in js (fyi, i prefer coding in giant unformatted blocks, in notepad.exe... you will never catch me w/o explicit ;'s).

Now i really wanna just contact this guy and ask him how/why he chose this business name.

I cut out his pic/name... but, tbh, as someone who's innately amazing at SEO, i must admit, he's got some seriously impressive SEO.

The entire 1st page of google results (after asking if i meant "softcolor"...idfk what that is), was all his company, even an Insta. My locale is germany/deutsch... technically i do also have Hindi pages as allowed/dont auto-trans... but what i searched on and what i was using for linkedin, barely resolve to the same country, no shared anything.

So I'm gonna toot my own horn for a minute, but I am a very capable full-stack developer with an impressive resume. I work mostly with .NET and C#.

So I decided to put my app in on a job that makes substantially more money than I make now that I was well qualified for through a recruiting service. I know the stacks that they were asking for. This was a local job too, mind you.

I waited a couple weeks and noticed they revised the job and made it a Telecommuting position. Like they couldn't find anyone locally that could fill the position or something.

Still haven't heard anything and I've updated my app quite a few times.

Wouldn't you think they would at least reach out and see if I'm qualified? Wouldn't you want local devs vs a remote employee?

I don't get sometimes.

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i do the website for this association and had the urge to overhaul everything, implement decent architecture and security, getting rid of awful php/html mixture. considered everything pretty fly and after going live did some minor adjustments primarily in the admin section. like instead of selecting the last 100 logs, all from the last year.

turned out there were 16 logins to the site within the last year. two board member logins (one person). impressive considering all of the functionality for administering the association it was capable of even before the rework.

so we do need a website, everyone wants to be updated, board administration is annoying but fuck my software?

more visitors than all of my other projects though.

I think here the CS degree/experience just gives you training basically to pass this technical interviews which has been a constant problem because 99% of the work you actually do, you ain't gonna need it. (I don't work at big tech companies but pretty sure it's the same, have to be very Senior and leading a project before you really need to think about this stuff?)

I don't have a CS degree unfortunately, completely self taught, but that experience while "impressive" to interviewers doesn't seem to matter much when do how do you implement a red black tree or quick-sort.

I may know the difference in general but I don't fucking care to remember the details as YAGNI... If rather remember the things I need every day

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