Hahaha 😂😂

I thought it would be good prank change semicolons to Greek question mark in my boss' code where his delivery date is today. I thought he will spend like at least few minutes figuring it out.

He ran make, immediately figured it out and even corrected with sed only. Then yawned and looked at me with a smirk. Now I am getting paranoid what he will do as revenge

YOUR MAMA SO FAT SHE CAN'T STORE FILES LARGER THAN 4 GB.

I'll show myself out.

Yo mama's so fat that if she sat on a binary tree she will convert it into a linked list in O(1) time

Your mama's so FAT she can't save files bigger than 4GB.

You devranters feed your cats too much

Your mama's so fat she can't save files bigger than 4GB

Yo mama so fat that when she sat on binary tree it became a linked list

I've figured out why my USB never fits ... it is FAT 😃

Complaining about Chrome's RAM usage is like eating fast food.
It's good, it's fast, you love it, all day every day. Then you complain about being fat.
😂

Yo mama so fat her SQL Table entry is a blob

Dear trogus, my little Pixel isn't that fat, look :

At job interview.

Interviewer: What are your goals in life?

Me: Well... Right now... Getting 1000 upvotes in devRant so I can get that fat cat on my avatar....

Your mom is so fat, the recursive function calculating her weight causes a stack-overflow

Making fun of a skinny/fat person working out is like making fun of an uneducated man trying to learn

A big shoutout to all software vendors, who, at the top of their product homepage, simply explain to you in 2-3 non-bullshit sentences what their product actually does, and what it is used for. I fucking love you.

And a big fat middle finger to all the rest with your useless buzzword gobbledygook. Go to hell.

Yo mama so fat

Today after 1 year of taking shit I sat down with my manager and completely tore the whole fucking company apart.

I absolutely slammed my colleagues, obliterated my team lead, went on and on about how no one understands the basics and how everything we have is copy paste procedural code and the only way to fix what we have is to delete it. I then insinuated I want to quit because I cba with the struggle anymore.

Result? Fat promotion. Not sure what just happened here lmao.

Your mama so fat, she's bigger than my node_modules folder

Everytime someone says stakeholder I picture a rich fat guy in a suit, hugging a giant human-sized steak with tears in his eyes whispering "Oh steak, I love you so much, I will forever hold you in my arms", dancing a little waltz around his room while his cheeks and dress shirt get drenched with the exquisite richness of a good pan sauce.

Yo mamma so FAT, she can only store 4GB per file.

Fat indeed

I just hit the scales this morning. I need to lose 10 kg ASAP.

My brain loves programming but my body hates it.

"Oh, I reverted your changes because I did not understand them"
I SPENT THE WHOLE DAY REFACTORING YOUR SHITTY SPAGUETTI SHIT U LAZY PIECE OF SHIT !
But I guess being a senior guy entitles u to sit your fat fuck ass in your chair writting garbage all day long.
Btw what he did not understand was f strings. In python. Srsly. How is that arrogant incompetent prick paid at least 10k more than me

Avatar feature request: body shapes/sizes?

I'm fat, I don't want a skinny avatar!

When you need multiple alarms to get your fat ass up.

It time, when the old fat HiPPO in the tech team guns for Flash against HTML5 😕

and the award for most downvotes stackoverflow post, is… well, stackoverflow. I posted this a while ago, but it got much better. -247, what a beautiful number. apparently there's a stackechange app, but instead of fixing its bugs, they made a stackoverflow app that does the same thing. go and give those cocksuckers a big, fat downvote! more pics and link in comments.

DevRant Shop:
XS: available
S: Sold out
M: Sold out
XL: available
2xXL: Sold out

I am a little bit fat (just a little bit :D) and there is no such an avatar in devRant to represent my look. That makes me feel I'm lying about myself 😐

That feel when pants that were large before I started programming now can't even fit above my waist.

Since I started programming and using GNU/Linux I've gotten fatter.

Goddammit.

I like my women like I like my filesystems... FAT and 32.

found on reddit :)

Why are we always pictured as either too fat or too skinny guys?

@dfox
Fat avatar plz.
Not all programmers are steve jobs, some are Steve Woz.
Not proud to be fat, not claiming fat shaming.
I just want to be represented.
Not upset if this is not possible, just a suggestion.
Willing to do the art myself if you like.

*open blog*

Article looks good lets read it

*Scroll 1mm*

*THIS FAT ALERT BOX ACROSS THE ENTIRE SCREEN WITH NO X BUTTON SAID YOU HAVE TO REGISTER TO CONTINUE READING THIS ARTICLE WHAT ARE YOU GONN-*

*ctrl + w*

Windows: "You put in a USB I can't read property cuz it's not NTFS/FAT, want me to delete everything??!"

I was about to ask my manager to roll me out off the project in my company.. it has been 4 years .... Yesterday he came and told me he is going to give me an big fat Raise !

Privacy.

I have an Amazon Echo.
I've enabled Hey, Siri.
I've given Google the OK.
I don't tape my web cam.

And I find it highly amusing that someone has potentially seen my fat, hairy ass strut naked about my home office while singing "What's up" at the top of my lungs. Perhaps multiple times.

Should I feel bad? That I may have cost the American taxpayer money in the therapy required to rehabilitate those FBI or NSA agents that have witnessed me in my full glory?

Yo mama so fat, her layout_width="match_parent"

It should be fucking illegal to get such ads on a fitness app c'mon, my fat ass tryna lose some weight here

Why is all the FUCKING devRant-Swag sold out for fat developers :( I WANTED THAT HOODI D:

Just got a fat check for completing my first solo software contract.

Life isnt half bad for a highschool dropout.

Yo mama's so fat, she can't save files over 4GB

Coding is like pizza

You love it and can't get enough, but you torture yourself indulging in it at nights, wish it didn't make you seem fat and attractive to the majority of the population, and it will never love you back

Your mother is so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow

Your mom is so fat, that she will never be able to have more than 4GB.

God fucking dammit.

I got assigned to a WordPress project...

I AM NOT A WORDPRESS DEVELOPER!!!

Why do I have to deal with this giant pile of stinking shit?
I'm a php developer, I make applications, I don't write fucking wordpress plugins...
WHY DOES THIS EXIST, WHY DID WORDPRESS BECOME SUCCESSFUL WHY CAN'T I JUST DEV IN PIECE.

Dear wordpress developers,

Please suffocate on a big fat old cock.

Regards.

!programming

Anyone else gets peeved when you're insulted in a language your insulter thinks you don't speak?

I was at the indoor climbing gym, struggling halfway up a difficult route when a fat idiot attached to a 'Intro to Climbing' class howled to her friends "Look at that blind idiot, can't he see that big red piece beside his foot?" (I was climbing a green route) in Cantonese (a Chinese dialect).

😒

There was a dark shadow inside the watertank of the coffee machine. I put new water in and voilà a really fat spider came out.

The coffee the last days was really good....

Can we get a fat avatar?

IT guy when insulting be like:

"Your mama's so FAT she can't save files bigger than 4GB"

Whatever was running on that computer in Jurassic park with the gif of the fat guy saying "ah ah ah"

iMac tiny keyboard + my fat fingers + Command+Q when I meant Command+A = Table Flipping Extravaganza!

A new junior developer diet: treat y'o self with a candy of choice every time you finish a project that you've been working at during your "free" time. Guaranteed fat loss. Coz' you won't be eating any. And you're lazy.

Programming made me fucking fat as fuck.

I went to Holmes Place after a 2 month no gym period to get counseling.

I have a whoppin 25% body fat and it makes me fucking depressed.

Fuck sitting in front of computers and programming for hours. Fuck snacks and fuck stayibg up late. That shit is bad for you.

"...we're using Java. That fat bitch doesn't just eat memory, she just deep-throated her sixth serving and is showing no signs of relenting"

-Me, 2k18

Wtf cookies 😱

Man how do you skinny devs keep so skinny? I'm not even eating fat things and I'm nearing to light obesity... Is there a patch that I missed? apt update says it's up to date?

[Begin Rant] When you show your senior manager your REST Web Service and he says "Oh no nooo... I don't wanna see no code"... Me: Code?? That ain't code you fat silly fucker it's the command line output data which I spent a week parsing, batch processing, and storing into the database! [End Rant] :[

Guy 1: Can I come to your house
Guy 2: No don’t I don’t want to be ashamed by my fat mother
Guy 1: How fat is your mom
Guy 2: FAT 32

Yo mama so fat she can't store files larger than 4 gigabytes.

I know this isn’t dev related at all but...

Nor is it a question, as my fat finger set it to...

Eminem just dropped a surprise album at midnight last night. No promotion, no bullshit. Just straight hip hop.

And the album cover is a throw back to the beastie boys!

If you can’t tell already, I am super pumped about this!!!

Yall know those small biscuits, with half of them covered in chocolate? I mean why half? Cover it all, or leave ot naked, but this way i cant be sure which is the chocolatey side to put on my tongue in the dark. Its a complete gamble.

...yeah im getting fat

section .text
global _start

_start:
mov edx,len
mov ecx,msg
mov ebx,1
mov eax,4
int 0x80
mov eax,1
int 0x80

section .data

msg db 'Yo Mama So Fat',0xa
len equ $ - msg

Your mama's so FAT she can't save files bigger than 4GB.

You're Moma is so FAT!

Being a developer in my country is great. We have Sam Adams fountains instead of water fountains everywhere, triple - double bacon and duck fat fried cheeseburgers with Twinkie buns, massive desktops that burn coal and dump pure toxicity into the atmosphere. We sit on chairs made from the carcasses of soon to be extinct animals, and instead of rubber ducks, we have majestic bald eagles screeching their encouragement as we pound out our buggy ass code. But we have the best bugs, don’t we folks?

Completely 100% not dev related.

But really I need the opinion of smarter people. Tell me how I don't make fun of the way people look, talk down on others regardless of <whatever>. Try to be as nice as possible to everyone, but the moment I say that I am not attracted to overweight people (women in my case since I am a heterosexual male) am I suddenly fatphobic and hate fat people. First of, phobia means fear, and I can assure people that fat people don't trigger any fear response from my end.
Nor do I disregard them as humans just cuz of them extra kilos. But suddenly because I explain how I can't be sexually attracted to someone that is overweight am I fatphobic?

This shit baffles me.

We get so spoiled with stuff at work that it is starting to show.

Way too much paid personal time during the week makes me lazy.

People bringin biscuits and shit make me fat.

Keurig machines all over the damned place.

Birthday celebrations left and right.

And much....much more and I love it.

Most people choose Whatsapp for its lightweight-ness and Facebook decided to make it fat with video statuses. Smh.

Honk! Honk! Here comes your company's proprietary library wearing big, red, squeaky fucking clown shoes! What a goofy fuck he is! Look how he breaks and limits React because he's a stupid, broken, clown shoe wearing mother fucker! Watch him trip over his big stupid feet and fall flat on his fat, stupid face. Hope you weren't planning on being productive because this big, dopey fuck is your partner.

True story

.me {
transform: get-fat(20kg);
transition: transform 4years linear;
}

I feel like a fat kid at the beach :'(

I’m new to C# and Visual Studio gave me an option to change the way I wrote the main function.

It gave me this.

Does this remind you of fat arrow function in JavaScript?

A recruiter emailed me.
And called me (and left a voicemail).
AND texted me.

About a job opportunity in California (I live in Texas).

That requires experience writing performance critical and thread-safe code in a large multi-threaded codebase (I work primarily in JavaScript/TypeScript ecosystem, fat chance of that).

Responsibilities listed as: Focus on Supercharger Open Charge Point Protocol (OCPP) software features. I don’t even know what the fuck that means.

Opportunity is for a 3 month contract.

Why are you so desperate, lady?

Before I get too fat, the "Hour of Code" concept it's great, trying to get kids interested in programming

That being said, why on earth do they use fucking drag and drop programming? I would argue Python is easier to learn and infinitely more useful, and this is coming from someone who can't stand Python.

So far the only thing that I can think that the Hour of Code achieves, with drag and drop programming, is people possibly getting into Scratch, and fuck Scratch.

Dear people who create frameworks and libraries,

Please don't advertise your stuff as 'super easy to use', 'incredibly lightweight', 'no configuration needed', 'seamless integration' and shit like this. We all know it's a big fat fucking lie. Just be honest and write 'it supposed to be all-purpose but won't solve your problem', 'a huge fucking chaotic mess', 'slow as shit', 'will eat up all your resources', 'might be good but we've lost the documentation' or 'actually worse than vanilla'. If you'd do this, the world would be a better place.

Thanks,

Martial arts. Learned to think calmly under stressful situations. Whether that's deadline or a fat fuck laying on top of you trying to choke you out.

devRant should add belly sizes in the avatar.

Girls always say they like my fat tummy.

How many ++'s does it take to get a fat cunt avatar?

I feel like I'm living a lie.

Losing weight (in the particular - belly fat) has an adverse impact on my WFH experience :( I can no longer lay on my back with my legs bent and have my lappy rest on my belly comfortably...

I can't reach the touchpad any more as it's now hiding behind my ribcage :(

I didn't think this through. damn it!

My project mananger let it slip during the sprint review that the upper managers are making plans to do lay offs / cut the fat.

What an ideal moment to hand in my resignation.

Dashing through the snow
Get the fuck out of my way
You are all so slow
and fat, what do you weigh?
HA HA !!
I'll end your caroling
but It won't be a silent night
I've come to terrorize your town
and watch you die tonight
Jingle Bells
Go to hell
I've hijacked Santa's sleigh
Oh what fun it is to ride over bodies every day
HEY !!
Jingle Bells
Go to hell
Bodies will decay
after you're all crushed beneath my motherfucking sleigh
HEY !!

Credits: Insanity Wold

ohhh the first fat check.... delicious much 😁😁

Want to make someone's life a misery? Here's how.

Don't base your tech stack on any prior knowledge or what's relevant to the problem.

Instead design it around all the latest trends and badges you want to put on your resume because they're frequent key words on job postings.

Once your data goes in, you'll never get it out again. At best you'll be teased with little crumbs of data but never the whole.

I know, here's a genius idea, instead of putting data into a normal data base then using a cache, lets put it all into the cache and by the way it's a volatile cache.

Here's an idea. For something as simple as a single log lets make it use a queue that goes into a queue that goes into another queue that goes into another queue all of which are black boxes. No rhyme of reason, queues are all the rage.

Have you tried: Lets use a new fangled tangle, trust me it's safe, INSERT BIG NAME HERE uses it.

Finally it all gets flushed down into this subterranean cunt of a sewerage system and good luck getting it all out again. It's like hell except it's all shitty instead of all fiery.

All I want is to export one table, a simple log table with a few GB to CSV or heck whatever generic format it supports, that's it.

So I run the export table to file command and off it goes only less than a minute later for timeout commands to start piling up until it aborts. WTF. So then I set the most obvious timeout setting in the client, no change, then another timeout setting on the client, no change, then i try to put it in the client configuration file, no change, then I set the timeout on the export query, no change, then finally I bump the timeouts in the server config, no change, then I find someone has downloaded it from both tucows and apt, but they're using the tucows version so its real config is in /dev/database.xml (don't even ask). I increase that from seconds to a minute, it's still timing out after a minute.

In the end I have to make my own and this involves working out how to parse non-standard binary formatted data structures. It's the umpteenth time I have had to do this.

These aren't some no name solutions and it really terrifies me. All this is doing is taking some access logs, store them in one place then index by timestamp. These things are all meant to be blazing fast but grep is often faster. How the hell is such a trivial thing turned into a series of one nightmare after another? Things that should take a few minutes take days of screwing around. I don't have access logs any more because I can't access them anymore.

The terror of this isn't that it's so awful, it's that all the little kiddies doing all this jazz for the first time and using all these shit wipe buzzword driven approaches have no fucking clue it's not meant to be this difficult. I'm replacing entire tens of thousands to million line enterprise systems with a few hundred lines of code that's faster, more reliable and better in virtually every measurable way time and time again.

This is constant. It's not one offender, it's not one project, it's not one company, it's not one developer, it's the industry standard. It's all over open source software and all over dev shops. Everything is exponentially becoming more bloated and difficult than it needs to be. I'm seeing people pull up a hundred cloud instances for things that'll be happy at home with a few minutes to a week's optimisation efforts. Queries that are N*N and only take a few minutes to turn to LOG(N) but instead people renting out a fucking off huge ass SQL cluster instead that not only costs gobs of money but takes a ton of time maintaining and configuring which isn't going to be done right either.

I think most people are bullshitting when they say they have impostor syndrome but when the trend in technology is to make every fucking little trivial thing a thousand times more complex than it has to be I can see how they'd feel that way. There's so bloody much you need to do that you don't need to do these days that you either can't get anything done right or the smallest thing takes an age.

I have no idea why some people put up with some of these appliances. If you bought a dish washer that made washing dishes even harder than it was before you'd return it to the store.

Every time I see the terms enterprise, fast, big data, scalable, cloud or anything of the like I bang my head on the table. One of these days I'm going to lose my fucking tits.

Yo mama so fat... :|

Friday. 17:56. Time to go home.

> git add *
> git commit -m 'wip, feature almost done, need to test'
> git pu... [BIG FAT BSOD]

fuck it, I'm out

Don't you just hate it when you're getting fat because you're a developer who is lazy to go to the gym then start developing some messed up health problems and always feel shitty. Smh

So I just proved myself that I hate going outside.

Sitting in front of my big fat desk is my comfort zone.

yo momma so fat, she...

Your mama is so fat

Opencv, you are powerful, but you are one big fat piece of horse shit. Period.

I just tried doing some situps and push-ups...

Guess how many I could do?

TLDR: I may have found the root cause of some problems...

Any tips on how to go from belly fat to normal/fit?

My sister drew me 😂
I love my vuri means I love my fat belly ( which I don't, It's a joke 😑)

Your mum's so fat that when she sat on the stack it turned into a heap

Q: What does a very fat software engineer hate?

A: Agile development.

your brain is missing a ; somewhere...

your <body> so fat it's weight is 4096px

your dick is so small it's height:"1px"

Please use <br> or I don't understand you.

I wish I can say that I'm a full-stack developer... too bad all I can say is I'm a fully developed stack of fat 😂

Had a heart attack when I found out what I was holding and all wasps (or bees?) came out crawling slow and sleepii. Thank God I was wearing gloves. It's ventilation hole of my bathroom. So, that's where the fuckers stay in the winter. There must be a big fat queen in there. Covered the whole nest with shaving foam and hope they'll die. Scary fuckers.

Heres a rant:

Ion fuckin care if people post memes, not even if they post it as rant. But when they TRANSCRIBE the fucking meme im really tempted to make like 10 accounts just to downvote that shit. Eat a dick you fat fucking whores.

I don't move much. My back aches, and I'm getting rather fat.

Plus size model commercials of fat women wandering around in their underwear is really cutting into my concentration and frightening me about the future of our species.

There’s so much we can learn from Gordon Ramsay..
I wish I could swear & insult like he can..

Woman: “who do you think you are? You insulted my friend!”
Gordon: “well if I did then I probably meant it, now get your fat ass back to your table”

“Congratulations, you just got your head out of your own ass. Now piss off”

*Customer wants more spinach*
Gordon: “ ok I’ll make you more spinach *dramatic pause* and push it up your ass”

Or my all time favorite:
“You fucking donkey”

Fat heavy D&B beats, basement bunker, dark ambiente, stroboscope, sweaty bodies dancing. It happens:

I'm scrollin devRant drunk, again.

The very first sentence in my profile on many freelancing and networking sites is "I am not looking for a full time job at the moment!" I still get fat to many job offers from recruiters, who apparently cannot read.

Piece of shit cake. I'll stab you in the goddamn virtual neck with a screwdriver. Not get my nuget packages. Go fuck yourself in your fat fucking ass. Goddamn, who automated this build process. I did. Fuck me.

am i loosing too much sleep over the idea that JavaScripters with their fat atom/electron are going to dominate the app stores of app/windows in the next few years ?

"Does this compression algorithm make me look fat?" - Mr. Cloud

Wk59

After almost 20 yrs, i hardly see daylight, i have become allergic to bright websites/applications.
I have lost my fitness , became fat and coffee is no longer a luxury but a daily nutrition.
8h sleep in a row feels like a week vacation used to
Saturday mornings i still wake up after a blackout but in stead of from drinking it is now of lack of sleep from the workweek.

If onIy my body saved money as good as it saves fat…

Not gonna lie. I’m in the mood to make a game and I’m gonna try it. I think it’ll be fun. Wish me luck!

For anyone curious I’m gonna be using Godot because it’s not bad and It’s not nearly as fat as Unreal and Unity. They’re not bad just not what I want rn.

In my case, the most unrealistic deadline was when I was put on a project for 30 person days in 2008. The project had been running for about 6 months at that point.

I spoke to the project manager about my tasks and she told me to finish the fat client. So I immersed myself in the sources. And I was horrified to realize that not only was it not even a POC, but the performance was lousy to say the least. It took about 70 (sic!) seconds to start the program, read in about 20 records from a database and display them as a hierarchical structure.

I asked the PM when I was supposed to have finished my work, and her response was, "Yesterday."
"Very funny," I replied.
"No, really," she said, "the deadline was yesterday."

It took me an afternoon to speed up the fat client startup to 6 seconds. And then it took us another two weeks or so to identify the processes in discussions with the technical project manager. Because that didn't exist yet either.

About 1.5 years after the deadline, the software system - consisting of the fat client, mainframe modules and purchased software - was stable enough to be rolled out.

Wanted to leave but got a fat annual raise. Unsure how to feel now.

I ain't fat, tis the Universe expanding 💁🏻‍♂️

Introducing Google Tasks

Default Tasks:
1. Reduce body
2. Reduce fat
3. Remove fucking image

A big, fat FUCK YOU to everyone who pushes out app-updates with generic "Improvements for speed and reliability" changelogs. I hope you and all your descendants, relatives, friends and pets get huge, hairy, painful warts between your buttcheeks that grow larger every day and return after every attempt to have them removed. Fuck you, and fuck your bullshit updates.

And if there are any devs on devRant guilty of this behaviour, fuck you too. I hope your sexual organs rot and fall off, and that you lose all your upvotes.

Idk why but i rarely see devs who lift. All i see is 2 different types of devs;
- who runs
- who doesn't run which either leaves him to be very skinny or somewhat fat which both cases are unhealthy af.

Don't know why Google named it Pie... Just doesn't feel right TBH... Peppermint would have been better. Pie feels like an OS every fat kid would have on their phone.

The system on my Mac is so fat that it takes up 60% of my SSD... 👌

"Helvetica is like a really good friend. You go off and hang with the other fonts (the artsy, grungy, trendy, thin, fat, tall, scripty types) and even use them a little, but helvetica is always there. A nice stable friend." - Andrew Frigo

Rant?
So... I've been to the doctor's, I have a high blood pressure (I'm only 30 ffs).
She says I'm too grumpy, over thinking and should loose weight.

FML I'm gonna die young... At least the wife will get my life insurance...

Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on an iPod, she made the iPad!

I think I need to get out of room and do some sports. I am growing up tits. is that programming 😰

yet another Microsoft bashing rant...

I'm trying to get `Visual Studio`
You use your Windows 10 VM, use Edge, use Bing and search for `Visual Studio`.
First fucking result:
A Visual Studio alternative - A powerful C & C++ IDE - CLion
-- from jetbrains.com

Like... WTF, you not even promoting your' own stuff ?

But then for when you search 'firefox' w/ bing+edge a thick fat banner: 'Promoted by Microsoft': There's no need to download a new web browser.\n MS recommends Edge for fast ...

Yo mama is so fat....
The recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.

I just fucking hate my fat fingers, every once in a while I'm trying to hit CMD + TAB and I end up with my finger in the Q.

FFS.

It hurts the most when what you close is your terminal that had 20 sessions up.

Worst meeting:
Trying to decide which front end JavaScript framework to use.
Debated about Knockout, Angular, React, etc.
Decision: Too fat frameworks, DIY using jQuery. I wonder how big and unstable is our DIY framework. Is it even a framework? Just few organically written script files.

Python haters, gather 'round

oh come on... In java it's all simple as 123. You build an app, you have like 200 dependencies, you pack it all in a single fat jar and only deploy that single .jar. Don't need no internet, no installs, no pip, no nothing: just your .jar file and the JVM.

So java:
- build an app
- use 200+ deps
- build your whole project into a single fat jar
- deploy your jar in the env
- install [*khem khem* scp into the server] jre
- run

Now let's look at py, shall we?
- build an app
- use 1 dep
- deploy all the 20 .py files in the env
- make sure you have internet access
- install python
- install pip
- pip install <my dependency>
- run your app

I can literally remember back in January 2015 when android studio was a fat piece of slow SHIT and to boot up an emulator it took me 5-20 minutes. Gradle build took 1-2 minutes. I was dying.

Now 4 years later in 2019, it still might be fat but godfckindamn it is fast. Emulator boots up in 2-4 seconds. Gradle finishes in no more than 6 seconds. Hierarchy opens up in less than a second. Performance statistics and analytics no longer lag or have latency.

Google has finally done a great fckin job fck u thnx

!rant
Remember that one day someone says "lets make a game about a fat italian guy that save the princess from the evil big monkey by jumping some barrels and a hammer".

Do not be afraid of your own ideas, you always miss the shots that you don't take.

So like a couple days ago I was trying to clear the Var directory of my Symfony project.
I wrote
cd /var
rm ./* -R
Linux: are you sure you want to delete write protected blah blah blah?
Me:AHA! SO ITS A PERMISSIONS ISSUE
sudo rm ./* -R

Quickly realized I was no longer in my project directory.

Took a fat L. Had to reinstall.

I wish I were lazy and had the guts to tell people what to do. I'd make a decent manager, taking fat paychecks for taking my risks. And risks would be minimal as I'm from the tech background and I know what is what.

Now I'm neither lazy enough [I still prefer doing things myself] nor do I have the mentality to treat others as minions.

I wish I could change that about me. I really do. Maybe someday...

You know what really grinds my gears?

Executive bathrooms. They get gold and marble and all kinds of fancy shit and the rest of us get a linoleum shit box. Who do they think they are? Are they too good to shit and piss with their developers. You know...the people who make the shit that makes them money?

Executives are just overpaid suits who do next to nothing while the rest of us carry their fat asses across the finish line and they are too good to take a shit with us common folk.

When you realize that all those years using windows washed away all your knowledge about using Linux.
I feel like a dumb idiot now while struggling to get shit done on my newly installed mint distro. Younger, I used to read that very fat book my father had on his desk, with all the basics on Linux, I don't have it around anymore.
Any "up to date" good book or website of reference to refresh that rusty brain of mine?

guys/gals, I need your wisdom. Especially from the ones owning startups.

How do you juggle between your project and work at some company (stable income source)? Accelerators, personal financers (mom, pops, best-bud swimming in $$$s, some fat guy in the neighbourhood, etc.), or do you simple multitask btwn daily job and your project?

I'm trying the latter but it's nearly impossible to do anything productive at home after 9 hours at office..

Follow-up to my last rant... The HDD is still not booting. I'm afraid it really is fucked up. (The screenshot is TestDisk doing a Deeper Search, and showing a shitload of Invalid FAT Boot Sectors)

Your mother is so fat, not even a try/catch can catch her.

1. Exporting fat jar
2. Transferring to cluster using WinSCP
3. Running it in the cluster.
4. Find a small bug.
5. Repeat

I HATE IT

When refactoring legacy code and your colleague committed this a week ago... As punishment we made him listen to "You're too fat to fly" all day long.

cant we already get to a point where we have one single fat datetime format in CS...

ISO this, RFC that, UNIX those

While sorting through my downloads folder, I noticed the file size for the Atom setup program: 138MB. For a text editor, that's pretty ridiculous and makes its name quite ironic.

I have similar disdain for Piskel (pixel graphics editor) and Etcher (USB/SD card image writer). Though these are all useful programs, none of these ought to be anywhere near the sizes they are.

Meanwhile, Notepad++ weighs 3MB which is a lot more reasonable.

Ugh...

yo mama's so fat, a recursive function that calculates her mass causes a STACKOVERFLOW!

That i will never get out of the corporate slave bullshit minimum wage matrix rat race salary as a dev because no one respects devs in serbia you get fat shitted on and used like a dumb underpaid slave

$3.75/hour

Only at work can I come back from the breakroom full of cookies and snacks for mymanager to promptly give me a pass to Golds Gym :V she is telling me that I is fat I guess :V

;_____; i am not fat, just eat like a fatboi

Your mom's so fat the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.

Your mama is so fat that git couldn't keep her life committed.

Been working with NodeJS a lot lately. Finding it really convenient and flexible. As someone who spent a lot of time using C, it's like going from eating fruit to candy bars. Seems pretty amazing just npm installing whatever you need and working with those packages... Until you dare to look at the list of ingredients.

Q. What did the fat Software Engineer call his stomach?
A. 3-Tier Architecture

Our favorite ticket system blokes are back with a big fat update for their software.

What changed?
All workflows are fucked because everything is somewhere else suddenly!

Half of the features suddenly stopped working!

Variable formats in forms have been changed from {} to [] without reason, migration or warning! Sorry, {Username} ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Half-assed features that don't work half of the time have also been added!

Fucking great!

Who beta tests this shit? Nobody?

I'm so tired of being on the second floor of this shitty office building. There is a constant vibration from all the employees walking around; moreover, someone walks down the aisle beside my cube...it's like a small fucking earthquake. A group or really fat person walks by? Shit's falling off my walls. Damn it all. 👊

So it seems Mr. Bean has still got it :)

Anyone have a good Dev meme for this shot? (He's looking at a fat guy with 2 young girls in his arms.)

I can have a tiger now. But I can't seperate from my fat black cat. 😭😭😭😭

Imma jus start callin uhlee niggas who touch me electronics wo/ discharging their static electricity fat fucken retards 🤙

Apply a Fortran code patch on a Gould SEL via a Mod 40 TTY terminal, which is essentially an electric typewriter connected to the computer. No graphics display. Once you hit enter on a line, that was it. If you fat-fingered something, you got to start over. We've come a long way, Baby!

~dev, not in front of computer stuff

Playing with the controller and power management using the torque sensor, managed to get this flatland cook-off going today on the fat tire ebike with only 50watts of assistance. Efficiency gains over stock of 28%! 30mph on a bike feels ridiculously unsafe, but the looks you get from cars are even better.

Love being able to gather all this telemetry (GPS, elevation, pulse, durations), gives me stuff to fish through and data to play with.

> Ask scrum master question on teams

No response for 45 mins

> Ask colleague on teams

No response for 45 mins

....

Fuck it. Im going to the shitter to take a big fat shit!

*12 shits later*

Come back and see a missed call and 4 new messages from them both

.....

Cant even take a fucking shit properly! Fuck off

Establishing an eating schedule was truly a brilliant decision. It allowed me not to eat right before I go to sleep, keeping my stomach empty and making my body lose fat every single night.

As far as I keep breathing, the chemical reaction that makes me alive (CHn + O2 => H20 + CO2 + Energy) just need to continue, and when my stomach is empty, my body is just forced to burn fat.

It works like a charm. No “fat-burning” supplements and other MLM BS is needed. You just need to adjust the schedule so you never feel hungry. If you need to eat five times a day to achieve this, so be it. Just allow two to three weeks to establish a schedule and learn how to maintain it. Recurrent reminder apps are helpful.

I’m off liraglutide for more than two months now and I’m keep losing weight without any meds and my digestive behavior changed entirely.

If only I had emotional resources to make this happen earlier, there wouldn’t be pre-diabetes, numb feet, apnoe, stretch marks…

I'm literally laughing my ass off at how Google gave their fat middle finger to Object Oriented programming with Go's Structs, Methods, and Interfaces. F*** you Java and C++! :-P

!Rant

Luxurious dinner tonight! Pancakes with sugar, sugar, sugar, suuuugar and fat! :)

What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.

So tired of “minimal” distros. Give me a 40gb fat bitch that can open any file type, has every codec and every app, and that has everything set up for me. I’ll delete apps I don’t need, deleting is easier than installing anyway

What fucking moron thinks Bootstrap is a skill? It's a crappy CSS and js library with the same crappy overused design and the (metaphorical) size/quality of an elephant turd. It's times like this I wish I could forget about not upsetting people and reply with a big fat go fuck yourself. Fuck me.

!rant
Health.

This is a big thing I think. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm overweight and this job keeps me at a desk for long periods of time.

I ended up with health issues from a combination of a bad diet, a staph infection years ago, and not being active. So I've made a commitment to start walking - at least a mile a day.

I'm using Pacer + Apple Health on iOS to track my progress. So far, combined with a $50 bluetooth scale I picked up on Amazon, I'm losing weight. I also noticed that when I switched my mile walk to my lunch break, I'm coming back to my work way more refreshed.

I hope to keep this up and I've found the gamification of having apps track my progress is a definite plus.

Anyone else have any healthy habits of "health hacks" they've found?

The programmer in me will wake up in the next hour, till then, i shall just eat and get fat.

your mother is so fat that ...

Time to pump some iron. I'm getting fat and will do some cardio with complete body workout later. No excuses. Developers need to take care of their health and be fit! Let's do this guy's
💪😎👍 also eat some healthy diet and take lots of sleep. Your loved ones need you to be healthy.

oh danish
oh staple of police and fat techies
how i sing my love to thee

when my brain slows
you nourish me

when my mood sinks
you uplift me

but oh gentle sweet lord
the sacrifice ! the sacrifice !
miles must i wander weary of soul and body
or cursed do i sit a heavy head on heavy shoulders
and widen the throne beneath me!

$ rails new [old side project but this time I will finish it (sikes)]
$ cd [project]
[ Inserting "gem 'webpacker' ~> '3.0.0'" in Gemfile ]
$ bundle install
$ rails webpacker:install
$ rails webpacker:install:react

node_modules weights 97.4 mo 🙄

AWS Console is a maze!

We don't need good UX/DX when we have the big fat slice of the market right?

I learned to program with the joy of the command line and ASCII rocket ships printed and shell games on GWBasic. It was fat spiral bound manual my Dad gave me when he worked at EDS. My dad then tried to press me to leaning a program for calculating prime and perfect numbers. My dad sort of forgot I was only six and hadn't learned division yet.

Is it just here in my school that students think if you are studying game design in college you are fat fk anime lover sh*t weaboo who play games all day :/

I kind of wish I were fat

Sooner or later, you'll need a VPN access to get an accurate information within the US. The population is fat from garbage food, and now they will be fat in retardness from their media.

Simple hack to cure depression:

1. Toast a couple of fat ass slices of homemade sourdough bread
2. Slather it with a large amount of butter
3. Top it off with some of your mom’s homemade jam
4. Compliment it with a nice cup o’ joe

Sadness gone 🤌🤌🤌

Yo mama so fat Firefox becomes Internet Explorer while fetching her.

I think we are missing a chubby/fat avatar 😂

The button radius for the Android Pie pill and back button really pisses me off.

I can't tell you how many times my fat ass finger has accidentally pressed home trying to go back in an app.

Having said that, it's still a looot better than the old soft buttons.

0. A good comfortable chair, one that does not hurt my fat ass and back

1. GPUs, lots of them so that I can train my models faster

2. Patience to endure the stupidity of people

I want to be dress like hipsters but I think I am too fat for that.
#devProblems

you have become so fat sitting on a chair that even a double can't store you

Your mother it's so fat that the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.

Well, basically 2017 sucked ass. Like a big, fat, hairy, sweaty ass. I did learn quite a bit though, so there's that.

Fingers crossed 2018 is a better year

Omg I loath path separators. Been working on windows most of the time (bought a surface pro for some reason) and my colleagues work on Linux. We just do standard web dev stuff nothing special but. I started having issues with my windows build getting weird function.prototype.bind.apply is not a constructor issue. Which is valid because apparently my colleagues started using the fat arrow function everywhere and on places where not needed.......

But on Linux they never had an issue because babel fixed it to the old function during the transpileee. So why the fuck am I getting this problem. After some tedious debugging and asking my colleagues. (colleagues only responded with just use Linux) I found the the issue to lie in the webpack loader for the Javascript in which the path regex used a single / :(. So I changed that to a group to be / or // and bam the whole bloody project works on windows now.

....... My colleagues still don't understand that they over use the fat arrow in the wrong places unfortunately

Spent about 5 hours trying to figure out why php-fpm 7.2 was sending a timeout to nginx inside a CentOS 7 container. In the end I couldn't figure it out, downgraded to PHP 7.1 and then everything start working fine. I really hate using CentOS for containers since it also requires privileged mode to be able to start services. Hopefully I can move away from using CentOS for containers soon since the base image is also quite fat.

Why does the Fat Free Frameworks (F3) $db->exec() method have its array count from 1 and not 0.

Instead of doing:
[$param1, $param2]

You have to do:
[ 1=> $param1, 2=> $param2]

WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA?

This is something that PHP PDO gets right, AND I FUCKING HATE PDO!!!

Who called it "taking a dump" and not anything else? Making a backup? No??

After 3 weekends of headaches I finally managed to get the SD card reader to work.

Now, to understand fat...

A whole different story.

The person who wrote this map framework in our old fat client has such a deranged mind that 4 days in I still haven't fucking clue how it works

//Met an old friend
So I heard you're a programmer now. I need some help from you.

*write something on paper

HACK this fb account unless you are a big fat phony.

Turns out the PS3's HDD stores a copy of the NAND/NOR by default and they use what i'll deem "confuser FAT" (in both FAT16 and FAT32 flavors) as partitions as they're FAT* partitions with nonsensical/zeroed header bits, which make tools cry ("the first FAT32 partition says the drive has 354 heads, the second partition says 0 and the drive says it has 2...?" "The drive is 320GB, so why in the hell is the partition table reporting a sensical size but the FAT has an entry 2TB thataways?" "This FAT16 filesystem has filenames stored as 16.2 instead of 8.3 natively???")