Not a deadline but I once worked for a company that regularly asked for “accurate estimates” which I found hilariously oxymoronic

Teaching my girlfriend how to code and she’s got to the indexes start at 0 crisis.
Just to make her feel better, anyone else remember their indexes start at 0 crisis? 😅

So far the convo is “why does count start at 1 and index start at 0?!? Developers can’t fucking count”

I lost my job 😅 tbh did me a favour. I was backend, this guy was frontend and was a typical opinionated JavaScript, magpie dev and I just did not give 2 fucks about what he thought was “amazballs” and we had a small tiff, we’ll he was arguing, I was trying to do my job and I just didn’t care enough about his feelings on the subject, forget what it was about but I think it was trivial. But anyway, I was let go soon after 😅

fuck me X'D Complained to nowtv that their player wasn't working because apparently it finds 'screen sharing' software running on my mac. This was their response

I didn’t. I went for an interview and quizzed this multi-million £ business about their architecture: it sounded awful.
I made some diagrams on how I would’ve done it, how it would scale etc and why. They were blown away and wanted me to implement this structure including the job they wanted to hire me for.
They sent a contract over: had the wrong name on it
They corrected the name but I noticed the salary was incorrect
They sent a third and by this time I was offered an interview elsewhere so I went

The hirer then called me to say he was frustrated I hadn’t signed a contract yet making it sound like it was my fault for not wanting to sign an illegitimate contract. he then went on to say that the salary had been reduced, I asked why and they said they felt I wasn’t a senior developer.
So I took the other job and they kept their shitty architecture 💁🏼‍♀️

When AWS logs won’t check themselves

If you want recruiters to stop messaging you on linkedin. Change your job title to "Professional Cleaner".

Follow me for more tips on how to get rid of the blood sucking leaches

Oh no what a shame. However shall I cope without gmail knowing my contacts

Wtf is wrong with AWS CDK? I add one EC2 instance and it deletes all my queues and api resources, then fails to create my EC2, does some fucking rollback then attempts and fails at some fucking rollback clean up.
So it nuked my entire fucking stack because why?
Because FUCKING WHY JEFF. WHY IS YOUR ROCKET SHAPED LIKE A PENIS AND WHY IS YOUR SHITTY FUCKING DEPLOYMENT SYSTEM FUCKING WITH ME LIKE THIS.
I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been doing this for months now. I really don’t know whether to laugh or have a mental break down.

Complete Disaster Kunt. That’s what I’m calling this shit from now on. I just don’t get how it can fuck itself up so much

I guess the job I’m at now? I’ve been paid for 8 months and I’ve produced nothing, they’re happy about it and I was given a pay rise. It has taken me months to make deployments and I feel like some days I might’ve well of had a day off. If I had a sick day I still get paid for a full day even if it was for a whole week. How did I get this job and wtf do I even do? 😂💃🏻💃🏻 <= that’s me dancing

Reminder to look after yourselves.

Today I found out I've had hypertension and possibly an unruptured aneurysm. Resulting from stress at work and home, overworking and bad diet from having to keep my engery up for work. (over the last around 2-3 years).

Luckly I've moved away from stressful situations now so I'm feeling like I've dodged a rather large bullet!

Look after yourselves guys, take breaks, check your caffeine, sugar and cholesterol intakes and keep active! I reckon the 6 days a week football training saved my life!

hypertension is a silent killer and can cause fatal damage to your organs such as kidneys, lungs, eyes, brain and heart.

Luckly it spotted it early with a blood test and optician visit. I had a hemorrhage in one of my eyes but wasn't until 6 months later GP noticed signs of kidney damage from my blood test it was found!

I should be fine but look after yourselves! You're more important than that deadline!

Found a brick today 😂

I had a job that was one big meeting for 6 months. I kid you not. We had our stand up, had another meeting that extended the stand up to discuss issues highlighted in the stand up, then we would have a scrum catch up type meeting then after that work until about 12 so an hour ish? Then a call after lunch to catch up about the work we’d done and make sure everyone was ok, then probably a backlog meeting, then likely a company wide meeting and then at about 4? Probably a meeting. I don’t know by this point I’d lost the will to live. One massive joke of a company I swear

Don’t even. It was more like 72 hours. Done a whole weekend sleepover in the office to get a deadline sorted, left at 6am Monday morning. Got home at 9am and get a phone call asking me why I’m not joining the meeting 🤷🏼‍♀️

Red? Is that you?

My sister said it’s code 🥲🥲😍🥲

It doesn’t matter. Still get paid 💁🏼‍♀️

Well I choose nodejs and typescript because it was quick and easy to get started and finish a project with but nobody seems to care about that decision. Still get asked to work on react every 11 seconds of my life 💁🏼‍♀️

Never stop

This counts as a rant. I'm annoyed with myself.

I shouldn't be allowed access to npm. I just published the shittest package ever just to make a joke.

In case you want to laugh at my shit joke:

https://github.com/bashleigh/...

The internet becomes pay per download and the entire world decides “Na” making my job obsolete

Need a new portfolio website to be approved by apple (yea I know...) so decided to build one based on me because I'm so vain. Made a pretty little terminal window that looks like my tmux theme because I can. Complete with stupid commands.

Best way of spending 3 hours 😂

Feel free to play with it! https://pedantic-bartik-8fb191.netlify.app/...

ps: the input selection is a bit buggy (bad UX) click the cursor if it doesn't type

repo if you're interested https://github.com/bashleigh/...

Clients not paying their invoices

Not sure? Be happy? Been winging it so far and looks like I’m Ganna start a start up. Wish me luck at being a dick 🦶

Prepare for posts containing 2020++; I’d rather call garbage collection on said year

First week of being self employed is going well. I’ve clearly learnt from the best start ups out there

Ashleigh: Ashleigh, you’re a shit dev you can’t meet deadlines

Ashleigh: Well you’re a shit manager Ashleigh, you don’t listen to any of the dev

Ashleigh: Well fuck you I quit

Ashleigh: you can’t quit you’re fired

Ashleigh: you can’t fire me, I’ve dissolved the company so you’re redundant

Ashleigh: yea well I’m Ganna take this up with HR

Ashleigh to HR: dear Ashleigh, I’m being harassed by Ashleigh

Ashleigh at HR: sorry Ashleigh, as a start up we don’t have a HR department so we can get away with harassment and grievances. All the best, Ashleigh.

Client: hi Ashleigh, Ashleigh said she’d have it finished by today

Ashleigh: hi client Ashleigh, we’ve had to let Ashleigh go, we’ll update you once we’ve found a replacement Ashleigh

Ashleigh: Ashleigh ashlrigh ashlrigh alscbuddjdhsgs

Sorry I’ve had 553 ml of monster :D think I’ve gone mad...

Well I don’t think I can talk to a dead person namecheap.

Don’t work here.

Don’t think I have a reason to be a developer anymore

Today I built my own desktop. Ready for varnishing and some legs :D home made office for working at home